[damajdancer]

my brain will not let me stop thinking about what horror i went through. i find myself shaking, then blacking out, when i wake i am screaming and scratching at the walls, in a corner of my bedroom, i look up at my mother in need, and she looks down on me in digust. i have no help at home, just reliving this nightmare over and over unitl i blackout, then over and over once more. and that is enough for my scared heart to burst with hate. i have to escape. every little detail is there, i feel his arms, i see the coldness in his eyes, i hear his death threats, everything. it wont stop no matter how much i beg, i cannot get out. i have no support, i am reliving every detail over and over.
-megan-

[Rhapsody]

(((( hugs ))))
Are you presently in any therapy? - you are going to need it to heal.... for I have been where you are at now.

I am so SORRY that you are having to suffer still from your past abuse.... some times I wish I could take all the hurt & pain away from everyone and throw it in the ocean.
Please know that if I could I would take your pain....


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[damajdancer]

thank you for understanding, and im sorry you had to once feel this miserable. I am in therapy. Thanx for wanting to take away my pain!
-megan-

[mtd]

damajdancer,

There is hope. I have been where you are and know others who have too. We are surviving and you will make it too. The horror you have been through was wrong and you deserved so much better. At this time, take just one step at a time. Try to find a safe place in your mind and in your soul. Know also that it is o.k. to cry and grieve over what you have been through, and know that you can be safe today.

Your black outs are part of how you are coping with the stress right now. Many of us go through this and you will make it through this. No matter what, stay true to yourself and don't let others criticize you for being upset. Give yourself little comforts for now (mine is warm milk) and keep faith that you will find people who will help you, starting right here. You don't have to be alone. You can turn away from those who won't help you and keep looking to find people who will. We are here for you and you will find others also.

I know you are afraid and I wish I could do more right now. I know your fear too well. Most of all, you have a courageous soul. I can feel it in how honest you are in what you express here. That courage will carry you through and help you to heal.

Be well,

mtd