lately in the forums. my protector spirit has been coming out. If i see people being treated different, I've been becoming like a protector mother bear. Regardles of whether it is good or bad, I would like it to be a choice and not so emotional. My dad used to really break down my little brother, Physically and verbally abusing them. He picked on my mom. As I grew up as a teen, the only time I'd talk back to him is during these times. I would be so nervious but I'd make myself do it. I hate seeing people with less power being hurt. It makes that all come up. Funny how little things can stir the soul.

[damajdancer]

Im glad you know how to stick up for people who need it. Some people(me) never had anyone stick up for them. It is a gift to know how and when to do so.
hugs,
-Megan-

{{{{ EV }}}}

Funny how little things can stir the soul.

Your protector coming out and taking a stand for what you feel so strongly about is not a little thing.

It's huge and admirable.

Sometimes when I am here on psych central and I get upset or nervous about something I am reading on line I start getting floaty far away feeling. depending on what I felt about what I read I can pretty much know which memory piece my brain will replay if I continue to float off for instance if what I read made me feel angry I know that if I float off the memory piece known as margo will be replaying.

I take a second to remember that margo is just the memories of when I felt mad. Memories have no control over me because I am the biolgical tangible person and a memory is not tangible. so that memory piece cannot replay if I do not float off to la la land. So I know the choice is mine if I don't want a particular memory piece to replay I use my grounding tools to remain mentally connected and not off daydreaming in my mental safe place.

I also think about what would I do if I was surfing on other websites that did not have message boards and I read something that upset me what do I do there -

I either ignore what I am reading and stay on track of my researching or I close that window with the offending site.

The same for example If I was on NAMI where people are allowed to write things as long as the info about mental disorders is factual and varifyable and they don't have an ignore button and a pm section, and moderators on site 24 hours a day -

would I sit there continuing to read something that was upsetting me, sometimes to the point where I would dissociate? - no I would log out or move on to other threads.

the same here at psych central Whaty can I do when a thread or post upsets me?

I can let something I am reading upset me into my continuing to float off or I can take care of the trigger - my reading reading a post or thread that happens to upset me, or I read it knowing full well it would upset me -

I can log out of the site or I can read other non triggering posts and threads.

I have many times also pointed people to the fact that there is an option here at psych central that other websites don't have and that is the ignore button.

If I know that someone is always writing things that I don't like -

I click on the persons name
Scroll to the bottom of the page that comes up
click on the icon - ignore this user

By doing that I no longer have to read anything by the person that is posting things that I do not like.

I also point out to people that the blog area is great for when you want to post things that are controversial or goes against the mass media and society misconceptions. I myself have moved a majority of my DID info into my blog area so that those that do NOT want to read about what DID is according to specialists in the field of DID vs the mass media misconceptualized version, and my experiences with having DID, Therapy for DID and my research for the past 5 years on the topic of DID, don't have to.

Blogging is just like keeping a journal you can put anything you want in it. The only difference is it has to conform to what the website is about for example psych central is a website that people come to for factual varifyable information about mental disorders so when I blog on specifically on DID I know that I have to have only factual varifyable information regarding what DID is, symptoms and so on.

Anyway - Reading posts threads and blogs are optional. no one is standing here holding a gun to my head forcing me to read things that upset me.

Just like my surfing anywhere on the world wide web - game sites, mental disorders, chats, blogs, my.space, yahoo, you name it - Im the one that turned on the computer and Im the one that controlds my on line experience. Its my responsibily to make sure that if I am reading triggering material that I take care of myslf. Its not other on line members responsibility to babysit me and not post how and what they want to because I want and need to read just upbeat things that day.

Heck Some of my abuse happened during parties, so one day someone posting a picture of a ballon upset me. no its not that persons fault they were just cheering up a friend by posting a ballon.

if everyone stopped posting things that each and every member didn't like or got upset about then no one would be posting anything. one persons cheering happy go lucky post can be another persons monster balloon

So the bottom line is I can let people know when they are posting to me wrong for me but no matter how much I hate how someone is posting to another person its not the posters responsibility to babysit me and change their wording - don't use the word blue or red or spit (not my real triggers) and so on and styles softer and harder and so on to fit me.

Just like in real life therapy and support groups its MY responsibility to take care of me by using the optins available.

Here my options are -

I can log out when encountering something that upsets me

I can walk away from the computer

I can ignore the person and or thread

Or I can surf elsewhere on the site and world wide web.

Im the one thats in control of my on line experiences.

thanks for the support damaj & petunia..

and also myself.. just a clarification.. i wasnt asking anyone to stop arguing or change their behavior for me. I am just posting about how it influences me which i think is more productive. I don't think I can just ignore someone here being picked on. Its too ingrained in me. I feel like to watch it and know about it and not do something is equal to being the one hurting someone. Thanks for the input though.

you're welcome and I recievce many emails to my email box that I have posted on the many on line support groups in which I am a member of, and pms and in chats and so on around this topic so I know you are not the only one that feels they need or want to either by being fully aware or as an alter go to battle for those posts that you are reading.

When it happens to me its hard to remember that if the person the poster is writing to has a problem with it they will let them know and I need to step back and let them take care of themselfs because when I used to try and step in I found out that the person the poster was writing too actually saw no problem with it. I used to tick off so many people with my butting my nose in and saying to them- I don't like how you posted to so and so, sometimes I even gloated when their posts and threads got removed. Boy was I embarrassed to find out when talking to the person the poster was writing that upsetting post to that they had no problem with what was said to thema and that the person whop posted what I thought had been offending had been right on target with them, and add insult to injury the posts I was glad about getting removed had been at the request of the person I was taunting about having their post removed. I wanted to sink through the floor. I learned my lesson so to speak. Before I let myself mouth off about an offending post either by way of being fully aware or not I rember that the person the offending post is targeted at can take care of themselves otherwise I might end up in another embarrassing situation of assuming what I am feeling is what the people involved in the situation are feeling. So now when I feel like I can't watch it no more I don't sit there and watchit. I take care of myself by walking away from the computer, logging out of the site or reading other non offensive materail.

Hang in there you will get to where you can d that too.

esthersvirtue,

I really understand that "Protector part" coming out. I do the very same thing, but with strangers when it appears they are hurting a child.

Though, my emotions take over and put aside my safety and rational thinking--- which is not a good thing.

I feel very guilty from my childhood as I did this very thing that you said........... </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I feel like to watch it and know about it and not do something is equal to being the one hurting someone.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
Don't know if I can EVER forgive myself for not protecting other children at my chldhood home. (my mom had home daycare and abused some "chosen" little ones)-- this part of me feels so dark... (can't usually get myself to reply in a thread if a "daycare" subject comes up-- I don't wish for any child to go to daycare--my mind believes that things may NOT be what they appear)

I guess that's why the protector comes out so strong now --- I don't want to be on the sidelines EVER again if a child is being hurt.

You did a great thing defending your brother and mother--- I hope you see that! I'm sorry though, that it came to that for you.

EV---