[kimmydawn]

I need a physical (real life) safe place where I can be me, apart from the people in my world that only know the "capable Kim", with no demands, no pulling, no expectations; one where I can escape, withdraw, breakdown, whatever.

I have none anymore. There's no place like that for me anymore.

There's only so far the "mental safe place" can get you.

I need a place to be vulnerable, afraid, cry, scream, or hide and IT BE OK.

I need that.

It's restorative for me, and I find that if I don't have it, or make time for it, I begin to unravel...

Do many have that same need...I mean really need it REGULARLY to be OK the rest of the time?

Yes (((((((((Kimmy))))))))) the more I stop using dissociation the more I need some place where I can do the relaxing and unwinding that my mental safe place gave me.

So I "built" that safe real life haven. I call it the "quiet area" I bought a couple 6 foot bookcases. found a spot where a corner of a rrom was always low traffic low attention area. I set the bookcases up so that I had the appartment 2 walls as two sides of my "room" and the book cases made up the other two walls and an opening for a door. One bookcase I faced out and the other inside the new room. On the bookshelves I put everything I could think of - relaxing CD's, a walkman style CD player, construction paper, lined filler paper, plain white paper, scketch pads, markers, pens, pencils, water colors, color pencils, scissors, staplier, paint brushes, note books for journaling, a box of old magazines, cardboard, and so on, you name it I basically had it, I also put in there a rocking chair, soft blanket and pillow, then I made an sign and rules for using that room for my son and I the one main rule was that the person inside that room had to be left alone, and the person inside that room was not to use any self injury behavior while in that room. Instead the person wrote a jounal enty and relaxed and did something constructive if they wanted to or listened to the relaxation music.

I also have a foot bridge in back of my appartment where I can go to feed th e ducks and just sit and enjoy some quiet time along the river.

[katheryn]

i also find it hard to have a safe plac at the moment, i wish you luck in finding one kimmydawn

[Monty_girl]

KD, MySelf has a great idea with setting up a quiet area in your home. Or it could be just getting out in the yard. But you may need to set up a time when you are going to want to be alone. Tell everyone around you that you need your space and that you don't want to be bothered between a certain time. May have to schedule it a couple of days ahead of time. So that you know that someone will be watching little man at this time. Everyone else can fend for themselves. But you HAVE TO STICK TO IT. Don't back down. Everyone needs time alone. D even tells me to get out of the house because he wants his time alone. I go out and do some weekly shopping and spend time looking around. Does me good to because I don't have him hurring me along.

Spend a couple of days getting your space set up. Finding things that are calming for you. Maybe get a nice smelling candle. Music is a must I think. Start a new book. KD, do you do any kind of meditation? If you need some help in starting or want some ideas, my T has taught me a get way to meditate. It's very relaxing and calming. I feel so much better after I do it and feel more able to function. Just like I recenter myself and ground myself again.

Let me know if ya need anything.
Love Ya's,
Lisa

[Mystry]

Oh yes kimmydawn...I need it to keep myself grounded or I completely lose it...I used to have a place in my mind that i would go...but I gave that up for reasons that can not be explained but I am rebuilding it and this time the door to it will not be opened so easily...take care KimmyD

[kimmydawn]

Thank you guys. I don't have the space here (with little man) or the opportunity for much (none lately) of that. I have nothing much that I can do here. The little man is mine to raise and I can't even get a sitter. When he's in bed, the hubby's in my face. We're doing reconstruction to our room (again, due to little man and changes) and I just have nowhere here to do that right now.

I'm seriously considering getting some special feel goods and taking off to a hotel room, or bed and breakfast, on my own. Thing is, that's a "once in a while" thing. I've got to figure something out for a regular thing...and quick.

Thanks again. It's so appreciated.

Oh dear Kimmy, I was in that very place a few times in my life-- I feel for you-- it's so hard. I literally felt like I was a pressure cooker and could "blow" at any moment if I didn't get some down time.

I mean this in a supportive way-- where is your "partner" through all of this? Wouldn't he understand and allow you to have some time to yourself-- maybe even one weekend afternoon a week or one evening a week...... -- not meaning he's not supportive-- but I'm sure you would help him if he needed something. Or maybe your daughters could take turns with little man......

Everyone needs some private time and/or down time. I'm concerned for you-- it's such a rough place to be. If I can help in any way-- please let me know.

Kimmy---

[wanttoheal]

((((((((((((kimmydawn))))))))))) understand not having a safe place. it's hard. i hope you find some peace soon. you are in my thoughts.

Do you own your own property or have landlords that might allow a weird idea - pitch a 6 man tent or screen house and fill it with a rocking chair, blanket pillow, whatever you want. I did that once when I was living with some friends and needed a place to just have some pease and quiet. they liked my idea so much that by the end of the summer my friends and I ended up putting up a gazebo and goldfish pond, a few potted plants and flowers and so on. The land lord was all for it because it added to the property value.

[Evangelista]

((((Kd))))

With T leaving so recently and you loosing that special place to go to release and feel safe, I can understand how just getting away is not the same...I am so sorry that you are going thru this...I hope you can find a place to go to be just you..and not what others need you to be.......TC (((Kimmy)))

[kimmydawn]

ty so much *tears*

KD

[lenjan]

KD, I require a considerable amount of time to myself simply to be able to function day to day. If you figure out how to communicate that to the people you live with and get them actually to allow it to you, please let me know your secret!! I have to say, it's a lot easier when you live alone.

I wish I had some good ideas for you, but best I can do right now is a hug.

((((((((((((((((((((KD)))))))))))))))))))))



Love, Candy

[jennie]

mine is the bathtub . . . i tell my hubby i need to be in there for an hour, to soak, relax, unwind. sometimes it's not long enough. (due to a 5 month old baby who breastfeeds on demand and a hubby who has ADD and fails at keeping the baby content for an hour sometimes.) i cannot relax if i can hear my baby screaming.

maybe you can grab a book or whatnot and tell your hubby you are doing your weekly momma's break . . . go to the park or a nice place and unwind.

i think if you schedule you a short daily time out (or every other day time out), you'll not need to take a long retreat at a hotel. eventually, you can reduce the time needed alone to an hour or so weekly.

try to regulate so you don't get burned out watch your stress signs

my stress signs include: cynicism, sleeping probs, and irritability.

if you see your stress signs, then it's time for you to assertively ask your hubby for your break ASAP.

(((((((hugs)))))))

[hillbunnyb]

......why i live alone in the woods with bunnies..... kd, i feel for you kiddo. when i lived with roommates: earphones and my favorite tunes got me through many a bad moment.
))))))))))))))))) ))kd ((( ((((((((((

[Sujin]

I hope you find a refuge, Kimmy. It's always good to have a place you can call your own. Thinking of you.

Love,
Sujin

My outside rufuge is my garden. There are no expectations other than my own. The time flys by, gives me some quiet time, or a time to think about things, it is a good workout mentally and physically and in the process something beautiful grows with that work.

I also practice yoga, that really helps me focus and relax. The deep breathing while stretching really is a workout and afterwards, I feel so much better.

Another thing would be reading, I love to read nice stories that help me escape from the real world.

My T's office is also a safe place for me, but I will probably be ending at the end of the year, so I don't want to rely too much on him.
You will find something that clicks with you Kimmy.

[SweetSunshine]

Kimmy ~ As far as the screaming goes .. do you have a garage? Get in your car and scream in there if you do . I do this sometimes and pound on the wheel lol. IT HELPS! lol. But becareful not to honk the horn .. You might have to do some splainin Lucy lol.

My other suggestion is maybe to go to a botanical garden somewhere if you can. Its quiet. You can be with nature.. or a park with a nice garden. Take a book for a couple hours. And if all else fails. You can come to De Hotel Bethy. lol..... complete with homemade cinnamon rolls,gourmet coffees,, and anything else good and fattening you wish to have lol. I have a patio with lots of pretty flowers and butterflies and hummingbirds. But I also have a puppy that might want attention too lol.
Hope these suggestions help. Take care..
Bethy

[Fuzzybear]

I hope you find peace and a safe place soon, you deserve that! ((((((((((((((( kimmy )))))))))))))))))

[mlyn]

Does your little man not have visitation with parents?

[BlueFaith]

I know how you feel, KD. I've felt like this a lot lately. I wish I had some suggestions, but I am still trying to figure out what to do myself. I just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you.

((( KD )))