[abbidy]

I should say that what I want to ask about is difficult for me, and I want anyone who reads this to be honest with me. I was in a relationship with a man for four years. How can I say anything? He treated me like I was not even human, and I couldn't fight back. There was the hitting, the sexual abuse and emotional abuse. It never ended, at least it seemed like it wouldn't. I have nightmares, and I see his face everywhere. I wake up crying at night from remembering what he did to me. I'm unable to really express much to my husband, and it interfers with our marriage in some ways. I see a therapist, but with my other health issues, it all gets mixed up. I need advice, ways to deal with this, from people who can relate. How do you deal with the anxiety, memories, lack of sleep? A marriage?
Abbidy

although i have never been physically abused, i can try to help with your queries.

the reason you feel everyhting is getting tangled up in your mind is becaue there is alot of issues there that all want to get out at the same time, i suppose you could call it bottle-necking. theres just not enough chance for them all the be dealt witht ogether, and thats why you feel everything is tangled. this will ease with time.

something as severe as this abuse is bound to affect a future marriage, especially as now you are dealing with it, not then. take your time with it, it wont destroy your marriage if you dont let it, if you love your husband enough you will work through it.

the memories will probably stay with you for life, unfortunately memories can be the hardest thing to rid yourself of. so try not to let it upset you too much. and when thee memories come? well think to the present, the fact that you have a loving man by your side who wont ever hurt you like the other one did. this goes hand in hand with the lack of sleep, just try to put them to one side, try meditation, yoga etc to distract yourself.

over time your therapist will help with the communication problem you have with your husband, they will also help with the "see his face everywhere..and wake up crying" issues. it will all get better with time and hard work. just keep at it, i think you are doing great so far.

i hope this helps abbidy, and let me know if theres anything you need ok.

take care and stay safe.

simon

[damajdancer]

Hi abbidy, im very sorry for what you went through and are still kinda going through. I have been sexually abused, and it does bring on anxiety, and memories. I dealt with it first by getting a therapist, he has helped me a great deal of times. To cope with the memories and flashbacks, just try and relax, try not to be the victom, try to be YOU and only you. I know how extremely hard it is to have survived such an awful thing, but know that people here at PC are here for you and will listen with an open heart! I hope that i helped a bit. You can PM me for anything!
Big safe hugs,
-Megan-

Im not married but do have trouble sleeping. My present therapist LL and I do relaxation visualizations in my therapy sessions and we have recorded a couple of them so that I can use them here at home too. Maybe your therapist and you could give that a try. It really helps.

With my last therapist SKR I would call her voicemail every night before I went to bed so that the nimber would be on my redial. Then when I woke up from a nightmare All I had to do was hit redial and could hear her voice on her voice mail message.

[261957]

if you can,t get respons about a special experience or bad dream or you feel you uncomfortable in your situation at that moment then go to donmx1950 at yahoo dot com , messenger chat ID ; donmx1950

[261957]

the time to think only for your self has come now.
you have to eliminate all the bad periods behind you and left them all there. Now the time is come to take realy care for yourself, to protext you from the past, to look forward, to help yourself with meeting good friends how gives you positive energy. You has lost a lot of your energy to handle and to stay at the same point without any changes for that moment or for the future, it will be always the same every day.
So the time has come that you has to change your mind, to change your choice about everything, don,t has fears to do this, because the only thing that matter is you will do it for your self, it is time to do from now on the things in your life for your self, to has the control for your self, not the control is managing you and your life , not you has to control and take action in a good way! donmx1950 at yahoo dot com, messenger ID ; donmx1950....take care for your self and your inner.

[Rhapsody]

Having been married to the same man for 20 years and having gone through some similar things you have.... and that now interferes with your marriage (as mine did) - Might I suggest the book I placed in the Rate & Review Section called: Feelings Buried Alive Never Die.... this one book did more for me in a year than eight years of counseling ever has.

Please check it out..... all that you need to know about why you are going through all these vast number of emotions and how to heal them are held with in the pages of this book.


LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

[abbidy]

Hey,
Thanks for all you guys have had to say, it's all good things for me to think about, and maybe a good book to read? I was at my therapy apt. today, and I talked about this stuff today. I think I keep expecting my husband to be like HIM. To hurt me like that, and I just want to trust him, he deserves it. So few of my friends have the same kind of issues, and so I feel like I'm being extreme, but they just don't understand, and I guess I feel unconnected.
Meg

[JustAPixie]

If you can find the courage to tell your husband about this it would be good and maybe he will understand things better and help you more. If you are afraid of his reaction, just remember that he is married to you and chose to do so, which also means that he loves you. It's scary to open the dark parts of ourselves to other people, even people that we trust, but it's another step in the healing proses. You don't have to fight the battle alone if he is willing to help and support you.