What to do?

I thought i would ask for your advice.

As some of you may know, my brother sexually abused me 9 years ago when i was 10. It now seems he's applying for a job in the police force, but to be specific, the Child Protection Agency. im sure you can imagine how that makes me feel. what am i to do? how can i feel happy knowing he would be doing that job involving children after what he did to me. i kind of feel its up to me to stop, and if i dont, i would fear for others often. nobody knows about what he did to me, ive always kept quiet about it, but is it time to speak up about it and destroy my dad, or keep quiet and feel responsible for other people if he gets the job. He probably wont do anything to anyone, but why would he want that job, hes never been interested in that sort of job, why now!? i really am torn 2 ways over this and i dont know which way to turn.

i was going to tell my dad about the abuse recently, but as hes taken a bad turn with his alcoholism, i think this would finish him off...so i cant talk about it to anyone, but how can i let my brother continue with it. i really dont know what to do. can anyone help?

((((((( Simon ))))))))))
Im sorry about your past abuse.
When I was raped, it took me 6 months to tell anyone.
My family treated me different(in a bad way) after I told.
But I dont regret it, I have more support than hate towards me.
I hope you can figure out what you are going to do, it sounds like your in an unusual spot.
My piece of advice is just go with your gut feeling....what do you think will turn out better.
Im sure you will figure this out, anyone who has survived any form of abuse is very strong.
PM me if you'd like.
Safe hugs,
-Megan-

Simon,

I've been in a somewhat similar situation recently. Rather than go into a long story, I'll just say that you are correct in thinking that your brother may be interested in that job in order to harm another child. I talked with my therapist about this a lot. I ended up choosing to confront my father and it has been very difficult since then. But, he won't have a chance to harm anyone else now (most important to me is my daughter). I would never advise that you confront your brother or your dad until you discuss this with a therapist. At the very least you should work out a plan like is discussed in the book Courage to Heal and the Courage to Heal workbook. (These books can be found on Amazon.) What a tough situation for you to be in. (((((((((((((Simon))))))))))))))))



Elizabeth

I also think that book is a good one. Simon.. you have to go with what you believe you can handle.

Try not to worry about your dad and how he will take it. he is a grown man and although he is drinking,it is not your job to protect him.I know its hard to think of it that way because you are worried about him. I worry about my mom and her heart condition too.

Your brother is a pedophile and it is probably a matter of time before he hurts another innocent child.You could be the one capable of preventing that. Not doing something about it, knowing what you know might cause you overwhelming guilt....so theres that to think about.

And of course, how is your own emotional state? Are you strong enough to handle whatever fallout there is when you do report it? The response from your brother is bound to be a difficult one for you to deal with.. are you able to take it?

I am sorry you are facing this Simon.. it isn't fair at all! I will keep you in my prayers.. hoping you find the right answer soon. Know that I am here.. standing beside you all the way no matter what you do..Faith

I got chills when I read this post. My childhood abuser is currently a local police officer. He was young when it happened (just out of high school) but now 13 years later I can't help but be terrified at the thought of what he could be doing to another child. I've never had the strength to tell.... and I feel horrible about it.

I think if you are able, you need to talk. I know how guilty I feel every day knowing that my abuser already has that job...

*sigh*

I am seeing my therapist tommorow night so i will discuss it then.

To be honest, i dont know if i can handle the aftermath. some days i feel strong, and i do believe i am strong, but i cannot put my dad through it, not now, not with his current drinking habits.

i feel guilty already about things and i feel responsible to end all this, but i cant. maybe im not as strong as i like to think i am. i just dont know anymore.

i feel down again tonight. i really dont know whats causing these mood swings, but i seem down more than up lately. i am finding it hard to cope to tell you the truth.

my dads still drinking too, hes quite drunk at the moment, i just heard him open another can. ive got pain all around me right now and i just dont want it anymore.i feel run down and ive got absolutely no friends to turn to, and nowhere to go for a break. i cant tell you how lonely i am. i wish things could change.

look, im sorry for moaning all the time. you probably think im over reacting about everything, maybe i am, i dont know.

i feel sick at the moment, and ive got a headache. ive tried to eat today but i cant seem to gather the enthusuasm to eat. but i am forcing it down me because i know ive got to eat. just finding it all so hard to digest.

thanks for listening to me guys. i dont know where id be without you. i am so grateful to each and every one of you that has been helping me.

bye for now

You know what to do, you just haven't done it yet. You said you were already planning to tell you father, but backed down and now the (universe?karma?God?fate?your own intention?) is pushing you to take action. You are not responsible for the actions of others and when the dust clears, you will find your peace that you so deserve.

Don't feel guilty, even if you never decide to talk to your dad about it. You didn't do anything wrong and it is not your responsibility to make it right! Do what you feel comfortable doing at the moment... everyday you will dare to venture a little further as the time passes by. If you feel that you will benefit from telling your dad, no matter what the aftermath, then do it. You know he will need a little time to adjust to the information, so don't feel bad at his first reaction... it's just his instinct. It's better to be prepared for it and expect the worst and hopefully he'll come round soon enough.
I wish you all the best Simon!

Tanya

Simon.. you are not alone.. i know we are typed words with no faces, but we are here for you... you do not have to do anything you are not ready for. Is it possible for you to make an anonymous call to foil his application somehow?

Anyway... I totally understand how you feel about what it would do to your dad and the guilt you would have. i am the same way with my mom and her having a heart condition. i cannot confront her and she was one of my abusers.

So take care of YOU first and foremost and then worry about the rest. Thinking of you... you are strong. you wil be okay.. Faith

It's not your fault he abused you... and it would not be your fault if he chose to abuse someone in the future. Regardless of if you choose to disclose or not... you are NOT responsible for his actions.

I hope your therapist gives you good guidance. Trust your instincts and do what you feel will be best for your healing.