The Fighter..DO NOT READ IF YOU TRIGGER EASY..

WARNING DO NOT READ IF YOU TIGGER EASY


I guess I should start with I don't concider myself a survivor but rather a fighter..
Since the age of 10 I have endured physical, mental, sexual, verbal and even religious abuse.
At the age of 14 I ran away from home lived with friends or on the street when there was no place eles to go.
I lived with so much pain and anger that I gave my abusers what they wanted long after they finished taking it. While they lived in their own world oblivious of my pain or that they have done any wrong.

Many years of falling into the pit of shame and self sorrows and the feelings of betrayal, feeling alone and that I deserved all that I felt, not letting anyone in not walking in the world but outside it and inside myself, then for no reason at all I just stood up and in a fit of ultimate rage started screaming and destroying my things and when I was done I stood up and said that is enough.
I got help to make a long story short, and many years later I was no longer who I once was. I always believe that what our abusers truely take isn't just our bodies or our innocence but rather they take from us who we might of been and give us to a world of shadows, self doubts , pain, anger and hate.
Taking from us forever what might have been, but that doesn't mean we can not move past the world we are forced into and find a better one.
It is a long road to walk to get to the other side and some may not make till the very end while some will not even find the road.
I was lucky because not only did I travel that road but I took back what was taken from me, the road has three parts the first is accept and forgive the second is courage and will the third is faith and love.
I guess it comes down to what do you want.
For all of us it is different that is just how I did it, it was not easy and I still travel this road with each foot fall my feet make, though I have delt with the memories and the things that came with them they are still there with me, most have faded into the background some still linger but none can hurt me anymore.
They will be with me for the rest of my life what was done was done there is no going back. It is up to me how I choose to let them effect me.
I walk the road and though I fall now and then I pick myself up, dust myself off and walk on.
I have found what I have always wanted which is Love and I continue to explore my new world.
Though some will not understand this ...I forgive my abusers and even say thankyou because I am even stronger now, what you wanted from me you may have gotten but it was nothing in truth because you have not beaten me, I have taken back what was mine.
I have risen from the shadows , I am stronger and I walk in the sunshine of the rest of my life.

(LMo: added trigger icon)

AMEN!! - and Good for YOU..... this story sounded just like mine, and I too will move forward no matter what.... when I fall I will dust myself off and walk on.... we can rise above mental issues due to abuse.


LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

((((((((bitterwind))))))))
That is truly inspiring!

You have a great outlook on ewveerthing and one day may I can do it also.
(((bitterwind)))
Crista

What a truly inspirational story.... thank you!