[confused43]

My therapist keeps talking about her other patients experiences with DID and cults. I have some memories of it but i am not sure if it is a cult or if it ( i dont know) My thearpist thinks it is a cult. but i only have so many memories of it. She also thinks i am DID. which scarry. I also have a learning disability so i know that i can't be DID if i have learning disbility because people with DID are smart. I dont know what to think. i just know i hate this . I hate being like this i just want it to end. but i keep trying to stay alive but it gets hard. then i have an alter aparently who goes and gives the pills i am going to od on to the wellness center here at college. so they also think im DID. My therapist also wants me to go to a group therapy . I dont do groups.i keep hearing a kids voice in my head saying i dont want to have a baby dont kill it. over and over and over. its driving me nuts. it just started last night when i was trying to sleep. I can't take it.Its driving me nuts. i have no idea what to do. I am trying to go to school but i am struggling. My thearpist also thinks its a good idea for me to be in a RSS program for supportive housing and to ahve a caseworker. she has lonly worked with me for a couple of weeks. does anyone have any of this kind of experiences or is it just me ??

[JustAPixie]

(((((((( confused ))))))))

I cannot give you too much advice about DID... sorry, but I have also been through sra, and I know how hard it is. I too have forgotten some major details about it, like it never happened, but started having nightmares about after a triggering experience. I'm not so goo on the advice, but I'm willing to listen and to be here for you.

I have a learning disability and am DID. for starters a therapist should not be bringing up cult stuff if you haven't alreadyaccepted you have DID and were actively working on cult memories. here in the USA therapists are supposed to let the client bring things up not the therapist say you have been abused in a cult settings without you first remembering you have been at least raised in cult life. the fact that your therapist did this basically makes it impossible for prosecution if at a later date you decide to confront and prosecute your abusers because of she has basically over stepped the guidelines that are there so therapists don't create false memory syndrom in clients of sexual abuse. The fact that she approached you with the idea of cults also makes it harder for you to be believed by any other therapists in the future because this therapist basically has set in motion the probability of the next therapist believing that your making things up based on what this therapist said.

The fact that she did this is considered emotional abuse of a client and can result in her having disciplinary hearings and possible loss of her certification for a specific time frame or permanently.

My suggestion is to drop her before she does more damage to you and your case.

the voice about the baby - if you are DID that voice should have always been there not sudden;y showing up in your head AFTER a therapist told you about being DID and cult stuff.

DID begins in childhood. From the situation that results in that memory being separated that piece of memory replays.

using the cult scenrio and your vioce that is going on in your head -

say this cult situation happened to you at age 10 then that voice would have been in your head saying this same thing over and over again starting when you were 10 on the night of the situation that created that voice and it would have been there all through your life.

Yes DID is a smart way to deal with being abused but all kinds of people are abused - doctors lawyers, mentally retarted babies who can't speak yet, blacks whites, you name it. sexual abuse does not happen according to mentality, race, religion and so on.

A person no matter how smart can daydream and that is what dissociation is - daydreaming yourself mentally out of a situation where you cannot physically escape from.

Not everyone who is abused becomes DID but everyone no matter who and how smart they are can become DID.

As for what to do now if you don't believe you are DID thats ok. so right now what you need to do is learn ways that will calm you when you are having a problem when your brain is thinking fast and repeating.. try doing something that you like to do, maybe sleep with a light on so your imagination doesn't work overtime in the dark at night, take a bath, write, draw, listen to music...

hang in there.

[confused43]

first of i was dx DID before i met this women. I just dont believe i am because it seem so unreal that I could be. second. i was having Flash backs that was cult related before i met her. i told her abou the memories and she said it was a cult. It was part of a Gospal church so i thought it was just that. I was also come from a catholic back groud so all i new was the catholic church. I did nto have the memories of a cult until my stepfather died 3 yrs ago. i was dx DIDyrs ago. I guess im in denial or something. Alot of people have said i am DID including 2 other therapist . therapist before that siad i am not DID but borderline, PTSD and anoreixia.I have always heard voices but sometimes it is specific phrases or words that i hear. i dont heave voices all the time though. i have memory laps of things i dont remmeber doing. i even have a psychologist at school saying im DID and he met one of my alters. I just find it so hard to believe. I am freaking out with all of this new insight. i lose time in the thearpist office and at school and im embarrassed but i do go back. i just want to get better. im tired of losing time . feeling suicidal having problems with body image and food and feeling depressed. i also hate the flashbacks and feeling unsafe all the time.thanks

Someday mentally you will be ready to accept your diagnosis and move out of the denial phase. it took me about 15-20 years to pull myself out of the denial phase. hng in there.