Does the Truth Matter?

I wonder... Does the truth really matter in some cases? I mean, okay, my dad apparently had a hard time with fiction and reality. He told so many lies about so many things that I don't know anymore what was real or not real that he told us growing up.

The lies he told that justified his abusive behvior I have come to terms with. The deal now is more about the things he told us about his own life and his own past.He isn't alive anymore and I can't confront him about the things he told us but my mom is telling me entirely different stories that she says he told us.

She says what I recall him saying never happened.. that he couldn't have told me those things.. yet I know he did.. I am not making it all up.See, my counselor thinks if I can learn about my dad's past and how he grew up I might be able to understand him better. Not to excuse his behavior but simply to know why he did what he did.

I can't very well do that if i can't find the truth can I? Does it really matter? Do I need to know the truth about where I came from? Where he came from?I have suspicions that he may have been institutionalized more than I was told. Do I need to know that kind of thing and why he was there? What if he had something genetic that I never knew about that I could be dealing with?

I don't know. My counselor thinks I should get in touch with some of his immediate family and see what I can learn about his past history and part of me wants to do that but yet part of me isn't so sure about it. I have not been in touch with any of them in many many years.They stopped coming around our family when I was quite young and mom says it was because of an unpaid phone bill but I suspect it was way more than that.

I don't know what to do. or if i should do anything. It frustrates the daylights out of me though.. being lied to so much that nothing makes any sense... my whole life was basically a lie.

What do you guys think? I am open for comments and suggestions here, and thanks ahead of time Faith

If it will bring you PEACE within your present life I say go for it...... but if it will but only cause you more pain or distress I say let it go.

..................... What do YOU think?

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Faith,

My mother is a wonderful lady..do not get my wrong..but she had..has a deeper layer to herself that most people do not know about and will never know about..I come from a "Brady Bunch" family where all outside appearances are that everything is VERY kosher and well maintained..when in fact our family was quite the mess..my mother had a secret life growing up..and one that led her to act as two seperate people in her adult life..she was a mother that loved us..and one that could turn on her children in an instant..she was one I loved and one I feared..the outside world never knew of but one side of my mother..and to this day have never believed a word out of my mouth about ANY kind of abuse or misunderstandings that might have resorted with her..MY point is..My mother acted this way because of things in her childhood..and once this was divulged to me in my teen years..my understanding of her began to change..first to anger..then to frustration..then to hurt..and finally in MY adult years to a better understanding of who she is..I have moved on from the things that my mother and I have been through and she and I have been able to build a new relationship..but it took me to know these things about her, to move past my anger and hurt..and to understand her past to gain the knowledge of who she was as a person..not to forgive her actions..that wasn't the point..she knew better..or I always believed she should have..hence my anger and hurt..but I still believed she was just as lost and hurt and damaged as I..so in a way I understood her pain..and I don't believe she was the cause of all of mine..just part of making mine worse. I know our situations are extremely different here..but I do believe in the saying "the truth shall set you free" its just up to you what you do with it..If you ever need to talk..((((HUGS))))

My parents lied to me about some very major things throughout most of my childhood. It was very confusing and I was left feeling like I was part of a jigsaw but with many pieces missing. I would go with what your counsellor says, I think she has good advice.


Fuzzy

It depends Faith. Do you think you're ready to know the truth?

From what you write, you seem apprehensive as to what you might learn, so maybe you should give this some more thought and / or discuss further with your T.

You should do what you are most comfortable doing... for the moment. Good luck with it all.

wow... sounds complicated...

as others have said do you really want to *know* the truth? Perhapse one day you will, but if you are happy not knowing at the moment why pull all that stuff up and put yourself through it unnessiserially?
If it was me I think i'd want to know... I know very little about my fathers family and past... always been curious, maybe something back there would explain a lot of what/who he is, but I'm a little scared of what I'd find.

really it is up to you, do what you think is best.

I think you all are right. I think I do need to know what is true and not true, but I am not at all sure I am prepared emotionally right now to take in what I might find.

Mostly I think I am afraid to know why the family just stopped having anything to do with us. My cousins were always around to play with and then they were never around again. In the back of my mind I have an idea of why but I am not sure I want to know if I am right.

But then one thing that I learned growing up was to avoid. pretend things away... and I don't want to do that anymore so I am torn here.I feel a little bit like I am walking out onto the high dive at the swimming pool after having just taken a bad dive.. I want to be brave enough yet I am scared too.

Thanks for your input ya'll.. I am going to think on it more.

its scary and you have to make sure that if you really want to know the truth which it sounds like you do make sure you have the support you will need the truth does help it helps us come to term with the past its really the only way to move forward just make sure you are as ready as you'll ever be