[innocentjoy]

I have been feeling a lot of grief lately, due to things that happened when I was small. I am constantly amazed at how I just fell through the cracks, so they say. Time and time again, no one was able to help me. I need a way to fully grieve and deal with the 'could have beens' the 'what if's' and they 'why's'. I thought maybe doing some sort of funeral-type 'ceremony' with my t would be helpful. However, I don't know exactly what I want it to look like. She suggested coming with words, names, etc written on pieces of paper and (literally and figuratively) 'throwing them out'.

Has anyone heard of anything like this? done anything like this? have any ideas, options, etc to share?
Thanks
IJ

[the abyss]

some people write it all down on a piece of paper and burn it, i guess they are releasing it in to the ether, the universe, i hope you find some happiness when you do .
take care

[blueredgrey]

My T asked me to write stuff on a paper and burn it. You can try that too. Burning is more symbolic than throwing away.

You can also try....maybe....get a doll that represents your inner child and pin on hurtful incidents on the doll. On T session, you can destroy the pinned up stuff slowly....one by one.

Finally you can give it a makeover, signifying start of a new life.

I also request you to do one good thing (pampering thing) for you everyday.

Good luck!!

[tinyrabbit]

I have seriously considered lighting a candle in church to grieve for my childhood self. I think this is a really good idea, but I do think you should maybe discuss how it could make you feel before you do it.

[innocentjoy]

I need to process the hurt, the anger and the sadness. I need to process the lost innocence, the addition of shame, guilt and fear. I need to get mad, and cry and feel upset. But I need it to be in a healing way. I then want to focus on the good that I have been able to create of such a horrible experience: the skills I've learned, the tenacity and strength to make it through, and still love, empathize and care about others. I want it to end positively. Like in a funeral, you talk about the loss, and grieve, but also talk about the good stories, and parts you wish to remember.

I just want to have an idea of how to go about this, so that I will feel like I've processed it, and am ready to move on, look forward, and not be so caught up in the hurt when I'm around people from my past. I like the idea of burning, but I really want to have my counselor be there as a witness, and I assume they have a no fire policy at the agency.

I've been looking into art therapy for different things, I'm wondering if creating art, or writing letters, or something like that would help me process. And then have the release during t.

Lighting a candle at church would be a great thing, I feel. If I was part of a church, I might decide to do that myself
IJ

[tinyrabbit]

What about lighting a candle with your T? I'm thinking I might ask to do similar so I can do it with him there.

I have found writing letters surprisingly helpful. I hated the idea until I tried it.

[innocentjoy]

Thanks, I'm always so against writing letters. And yet, I know it will probably help. It's just difficult to be honest about how I feel. I hate that people are alive now who could help me out with all of this if they would only admit that they dropped the ball, instead of being so adamant that there were no signs. I'm not blaming them for everything, but taking responsibility would make things a lot easier for me. Part of me feels like until that issue gets sorted out (and there's no way I can force anyone into accepting anything they refuse to) it will never really make a difference.
Ugh, and that opinion is what will keep this all swirling around in my mind. Sorry this is sounding so depressing right now, I dont' even know why I'm writing it all...