[Grey Matter]

I have shared my story before here. But when I was in high school, a boy cornered me, sexually assaulted me, hit me, made me bleed, etc. And nothing got done about it because victim blaming and "well, boys will be boys" etc.

A thread here has me so triggered. The poster stating that bullying, etc, happens to people with low self esteem. And that at some point we need to ACCEPTED RESPONSIBILITY over what has been done to us because the only victims who apparently count are those who have gone through hurricanes and tornadoes.

I feel so disgusted. I spent years and YEARS telling myself it wasn't my fault. That I was 100 something pounds against a 6'something 200 something pound man. That he was the monster and it had nothing to do with me causing it. But now all that negative thinking has returned. Maybe if I looked more confident, maybe if I yelled louder, Maybe if I didn't wear makeup that day, it wouldn't have happened.

I am disgusted people think this way and now I am struggling to remember that this was not my fault. I did not let or make this happen. Ugh.

[NWgirl2013]

(((((((Teen Idle))))))

You are still right. It was wrong. It happened, but not because you wished it.

Please don't let ignorance about abuse or victimization make you think any differently than what you already know is right/true.

So sorry you got triggered. Stay Strong. The good in you always shines through in my eyes...

[CrimsonBlues]

Hello Teen Idle-I will start by saying this: IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT-YOU DO NOT HAVE TO TAKE THE BLAME FOR SOMEONE'S ACTIONS AND ABUSE YOU EXPERIENCED. I am so sorry that you were triggered by a post. I would have been as well-I am indirectly actually. I too have struggled my entire life with taking the blame for all the abuse that happened to me as a child. I assumed that I was just bad, cursed some how, and that I deserved what happened. When someone makes a comment that is based from a blame-the-victim place I go through the same self-doubt and self-blame battle once again. What you were doing that day, what you were wearing, who you are-and all the things you have told yourself about why you must have been to blame-are not true. You have every right to walk through this world and not be attacked and not be abused. From what I have come to understand, people tend to blame the victim because they want to believe that violence and abuse isn't just random, that there had to be something the victim did to instigate what happened. It's a method people use to feel safer, to feel that they have some control or power in powerless situations. Unfortunately this method also re-traumatizes the victim of crime/abuse. This method triggers the tendency of people who were traumatized to blame themselves. I know how agonizing this thought process can be and I'm sorry that you are re-experiencing it right now, but-YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME.

(((Teen Idle))))

I am sorry that you got triggered, Don't let one persons opinion make you think any different, as NWgirl says it is still wrong what happened to you

Edit: I agree with Crimson too.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((( Teen Idle ))))))))))

[the abyss]

i am sorry this happened to you, but people say horrible things all the time and we all have to learn to have thicker skin, so we can cope with nasty comments.
you can not allow words and nastiness to steal your self power and destroy your very essence, you are worth more than this.you are stronger than this, you are just as worthy to walk this planet as anybody else. have confidence in your self.
take care.

Originally Posted by Teen Idle

.....I am struggling to remember that this was not my fault. I did not let or make this happen. Ugh.

Because it WAS NOT your fault. That pile of poo who violated you is the slime. Not you, you are the victim. And personally - I am in favor of the death penalty for people who commit 1st degree sexual assault (and yes I am serious).

[AngstyLady]

You are still right! That's bs that what happened to you got swept under the rug. Perhaps this was in a different time or different country, but that is still no excuse! I'm curious to know what thread it was that triggered it, but I guess it doesn't matter- the posters obviously an imbecile. Be well!

[blueredgrey]

Dear TeenIdle,

YOU WERE NOT TO BLAME......IT'S THE BOYS WHO ARE TO BE BLAMED. I am so shocked that no one took it seriously.....we need to GET OVER "Boys will be boys". If children bully, it's because they probably are from rough home where parents don't love them or if they are abused. Instead of rejecting incidents as "boys will be boys", their parents should be made accountable for their behaviour. Bullies lack self-esteem themselves and that's why hurt others - it makes them feel good about themselves by making others feel inferior.....and that's probably what they experience at home. Again, that's not an excuse for their behaviour.....but to put an end to the acceptability for such a behavior by getting to the root cause of bullying.

Bullies target everyone they hate. If there's a very pretty girl in the class who does well in studies....she'd be targetted by all the students with low self esteem...maybe attacked physically. Bullies' favorite target are people who they don't think will fight back...thus making them easy targets for bullies. Bullies want to make anyone they can feel miserable, because it makes them feel good.

There is a grain of truth to the fact bullies love victimising people who have low self esteem (sorry if it hurts), who are weak, who are gullible. But....that doesn't make it their fault as the reason they were victimised. Think of a bull charging on a street....everyone running. It chooses to hit you. Then you hear that bulls hate colour red and you were wearing red shirt.......would that really make it your fault that the bull hit you?? It was the bull's fault.....so the owners are responsible.

I have been bullied all my life -by my classmates, by my teachers, by my juniors (as if there can be a greater insult ), by my coworkers, by bosses. The whole world LOVES to shove up their anger on someone else's face. The only way you can avoid being bullied is by standing your ground and standing up for yourself. That involves working on your self-esteem.....and that involves facing your mind monsters.

The fact that you connected "bullies victimise people with low self-esteem".....thus the assault I faced was my fault....tells me that you haven't dealt with the trauma yet (and that would be other people's fault who rejected such a heinous crime as "boys will be boys".) I request you to work with a therapist.

What you faced was not your fault. But you are not dealing with it healthily. Please work with a therapist.

I am sorry if you were hurt by any of my words.....just wrote what I felt.

Good luck!!! We are here to help!!