[Sharp_Lace]

I have to go around my soon to be ex-husband very often to pick up my children and drop them off.

He is abusive I see this now. I don't know why it took me years..... He does stuff like grab me if I try and get away when he is saying terrible things to me. Or hold me down, or push me against a wall. And then continues to say terrible things to me and tell me its my fault untill I lash out and slap him or push him away. Then it makes me feel like a bad person saying I'm always hurting him when I'm trying to defend myself.

It's never things that are so bad that I need to call the police... but it does take its toll on me.

I don't know how to deal with it. How do you handel it if you have to see the person all the time?

[pianoplayer19]

He sounds very controlling. Must be awful for you .. Is there a friend who can go with you ? Or just a thought .. would it be worth getting someone to talk to him ? I feel for you

Originally Posted by Sharp_Lace

I have to go around my soon to be ex-husband very often to pick up my children and drop them off.

He is abusive I see this now. I don't know why it took me years..... He does stuff like grab me if I try and get away when he is saying terrible things to me. Or hold me down, or push me against a wall. And then continues to say terrible things to me and tell me its my fault untill I lash out and slap him or push him away. Then it makes me feel like a bad person saying I'm always hurting him when I'm trying to defend myself.

It's never things that are so bad that I need to call the police... but it does take its toll on me.

I don't know how to deal with it. How do you handel it if you have to see the person all the time?

[Open Eyes]

He sounds like he has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. He can't stand to see you are actually "ok" and "happy" without him. So, he takes every opportunity to try to punish you if he can.

[Sharp_Lace]

Thank you guys for your replys.
I do try and take someone with me if I can and it does help. Or make sure his parents are around when I drop the kids off. That way he keeps his crazy in check.

As far as having Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Maybe its that.
I've thought he was a narcissist or sociopath. I can't tell. All I know is that he doesn't feel things the way most people do and I don't know how much of his emotion he makes up to manipulate me and other people.

Leave it to me to marry a sociopath lol

[Open Eyes]

Well, these individuals can be very charismatic and pull their victims right into thinking everything is right and wonderful at first. They are typically smart too.

It was not your fault, people who end up in these relationships never really see it coming.

[SimonSays1]

Understand that abusers can be professional at what they do. The method of their abuse can be different (emotional, physical, or sexual) but their "mode of operation" is universal. What he is doing to you is called "gaslighting". It is when the abuser plays the victim, makes you feel like the abuse was your fault, makes you appear and feel mentally unstable, makes you feel guilty and ashamed.

It is all a ploy to make you a better victim and allows the abuse to continue.

[nycgal448]

sounds exactly like my mother. She abused me emotionally
and physicallly, while as a child. She has emotionally, consistantly
abused me as an adult.... now she physically abuses my 5 yr old son
who has challenges himself.

[Sharp_Lace]

Originally Posted by nycgal448

sounds exactly like my mother. She abused me emotionally
and physicallly, while as a child. She has emotionally, consistantly
abused me as an adult.... now she physically abuses my 5 yr old son
who has challenges himself.

I know how this feels. My mother is the same. She can't really abuse me as an adult, but I think thats why I ended up finding someone like my ex to be with.

It's funny how a person who was abused tends to seek out more in some ways or over look stuff they shouldn't in a potential mate.

I hope you find a way to resolve your stuff too though.

[blueredgrey]

Dear Sharp Lace,

Kudos for walking out of abusive marriage
Sometimes, it's necessary to work with a therapist to recover from all the pain you've gone thru. It would be good if your ex husband can attend some therapy....because you are still parents of your kids and they shouldn't be affected by your divorce....but I'd be really surprised if he agrees to.

I just hope he doesn't fill his kids' ears against you in your absence....things like this can really affect them.

I think the only thing that can help you from being hurt is by realizing that he's an abusive person...anything that he says about you...means NOTHING.

He no longer is in your life.....so just try to emotionally distance him as much as you can. Try to keep the communication to a minimal.

I wish I had more suggestions....but I'm sure a therapist can help you better.

Good luck!