[SkyWhite]

My session yesterday was hard. I read to my T the angry letter I wrote to my mother who abused me badly. I got through it okay, but now I feel numb and still unable to cry. I'm waiting for the dam to break. I'm even listening to sad songs to make myself cry, but I can't. My body aches all over.

I get suicidal when my emotions go crazy and I'm holding a lot of anger inside. I know my T is concerned (I can read his body language). but he couldn't get me back in until late June. Now I'm stranded. I don't want to burden my friends and my husband is not much help at all, so I don't share much with him anymore. I'm on a the edge, so to speak. I'm asking myself "should I stay, or should I go?"

All that I have right now are you guys.

[gayleggg]

We're here for you. Let us know what you need. Vent all you like. Maybe writing about it will bring the emotions to the surface. June is a long time to have to wait to get back into see your T, but we are here 24/7. If you want to PM me you can or wait for somemore replies as I wasn't abused so can only sympathize with you and care about your making it through this rough time. Let me know if I can help. I'm always willing to listen.

[nicoleflynn]

Find ways to get that anger/energy out.....run, scream, write, talk....maybe take a class...karate or yoga. It takes courage to talk about the abuse, but once you do, you can keep right on talking about it. It is like a cancer inside of you that needs to be taken out.....little by little. Keep talking! xo, Nicole

[SkyWhite]

Originally Posted by nicoleflynn

Find ways to get that anger/energy out.....run, scream, write, talk....maybe take a class...karate or yoga. It takes courage to talk about the abuse, but once you do, you can keep right on talking about it. It is like a cancer inside of you that needs to be taken out.....little by little. Keep talking! xo, Nicole

Yes, it is like a cancer, an emotional cancer. I know I have to get it out, but I'm feeling a bit paralyzed. I'm also afraid of the anger. Like if I get angry, I'll do something stupid.

What I've done so far is quit drinking (not an alcoholic but tend to self medicate); use my treadmill daily and had a massage last week for body aches. I have another appt for a massage today. I'm hoping that will knock loose some built up emotions. My T didn't seem to enthusiastic about this massage idea. He probably thinks "knocking loose" some emotions may not be a good idea for someone like me, but I want to give it a try.