[__zh]

what does a person who is healing from trauma do when they're accused of [x, y or z]? how is a person healing from trauma supposed to handle accusations from supposed places of safety?

what happens when the doctor's office isn't safe? what about when the therapist's office no longer exists? what about when the friends who were supportive disappear? what then when a person healing from trauma is all alone and reaches out in desperation only to be given a smack on the wrist and stern words??? safety? hah! such a subjective thing and certainly not something that exists only because someone "says" it does.

what then?

our response? letters, anger and outright indignation. when mental health isn't healing but harming we sit up and take notice....we take notes.......we report what we see to those who might listen and to those who couldn't care less.......but we report away as we're tired of not being heard when we say someone is hurting and needs help not to hear the party line repeated over and over again........parroting an answer isn't the same as honestly believing what one says is not only possible but probable.

how 'bout you?

it takes actions from the ones who are giving the support to prove to me that they mean the words. yada, yada, yada doesn't do it.

[wisewoman]

-zh, I could have written your post. People on the outside seem to think that time passes and we are magically ok. It get's too intense for them so they back off. This is my PTSD place where I get scared and need reassurance and get blame instead. What a rotten place to be. So there is a trigger and I react and I am trying to figure it out so I can feel safe and the medical profession dumbs on me.

I have noticed too that when I take charge and report the poor behavior of others in the medical field, or their incompetence, That my own providers get ticklish and start treating me like an enemy. So how are we supposed to heal from the massive/major abuse of power by those who were supposed to care for us when it repeats it'self?

[__zh]

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wisewoman said:
-zh, I could have written your post. People on the outside seem to think that time passes and we are magically ok. It get's too intense for them so they back off. This is my PTSD place where I get scared and need reassurance and get blame instead. What a rotten place to be. So there is a trigger and I react and I am trying to figure it out so I can feel safe and the medical profession dumbs on me.

I have noticed too that when I take charge and report the poor behavior of others in the medical field, or their incompetence, That my own providers get ticklish and start treating me like an enemy. So how are we supposed to heal from the massive/major abuse of power by those who were supposed to care for us when it repeats it'self?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> well it is not an easy question to answer...how to heal when those who were/are supposed to care for us are part of the problem?

this repetition isn't always but often enough that the trigger remains. not thinking terribly well as today and tomorrow there is a lot on our plate to contend with.

we too have noticed that often the health field gets prickly when being reported......this is something that is a drag but we'd rather endure their beastly attitudes and huffiness at being reported than keep our mouth shut and play meek and docile patient. No freaking way! When abuse is obvious then we're not going to stand idly by watching and doing nothing........that was the past and too much of our lives.........we're no longer stuck in that role or those years.

now we can speak up, write, call, etc to make our voices heard.........it still isn't easy to follow through when injustice is so blazingly apparent but we do our best to stay true to who we are........someone who will no longer tolerate two standards in the mental health field.

[__zh]

again......not thinking terribly clearly this a.m. but what springs to mind is actual convo we overheard from mental health provider to patient.....
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"well we are so proud of your recovery from the rape. you've done so much work to heal. now that you're leaving this shelter you'll need to continue with the therapy work. oh, one more thing.....you're fine as you are but just in case any potential rapists/abusers get the wrong idea you'd better wear victorian clothing and only walk in broad daylight.......we wouldn't want the rapists to get the wrong idea if you wore suggestive clothing or were out late in the dark."

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is this for real? blame the victim? seriously?

too angry with this reality to say more

[Rapunzel]

Wow, if they used those words, that sounds pretty extreme. While it isn't ever the victim's fault if someone hurts them, because perpetrators know that they do wrong and are accountable for their own actions no matter what, it is also necessary to deal with the fact that there are people out there who do bad things. It is so complicated approaching this issue to someone with a trauma history. As a child, you were unable to control your circumstances or protect yourself. You are never at fault for bad things that someone does to you. But as an adult, there are things that you can to to reduce the risk that you will be a victim again. You have more control now. It isn't necessary to wear victorian clothing, but you can have more safety if you wear reasonably modest clothing, don't walk alone in dark, isolated places (ask for an escort you can trust or go with a friend), etc.

I am sorry that you have been hurt. Hypervigilance and inability to trust and seeing danger everywhere are effects of that. Mental health professionals should understand that, especially if they know about your trauma history, and they are responsible for treating you in a sensitive, responsible way, and not blaming you for what has happened to you. I have to wonder about the particular circumstances and what they were trying to accomplish.

Also, others who have also been hurt (whether or not they are mental health professionals) may also be defensive and hurt easily. If you are around other trauma survivors, you may both inadvertently hurt each other. The pain is very real, on both sides, although nobody meant to hurt the other. In your efforts to keep yourself safe, be clear about your needs but keep others' needs and vulnerabilities in mind too. They might not deserve as much blame as it seems. Abuses and incompetency by professionals should be reported so that someone else doesn't get hurt and reparations can be made to you. But it also doesn't help you to hold onto it. At some point, you need to let it go so that you can move on.

[Perna]

I use my anger nowadays as a personal flag to help me look and see what I don't understand about the other person's position that they're speaking or acting in ways I don't "get." If I don't like what someone says to me I can usually ignore it as not-useful-for-me and if I don't like what they do to/with me I let them know/discuss it with them and if I don't feel they get me, then I move on. I'm not in charge of other people's "wrong" thinking so blaming me when I'm not to blame doesn't bother me much. I know what I know/who I am/what's good for me and that's enough for me.