[mommie2b]

I'm pregnant, off meds going on five months now, and i'm not okay. I don't have friends. I have family but I don't speak to them, and the only person in my life, my boyfriend, really has no idea how f*&ked up I am so I can't talk to him.
Recently someone in my family called me and decided to air out his personal demons and in doing so has completely derailed me. I'm like a train. I chugga chug whereever it is I'm supposed to. I am completely messed up on the inside so to get by I go through the motions of life. Then this bastard brings up all this crap from my childhood and I'm a bawling mess. constantly. And I'm having a really difficult pregnancy. No rosy cheeks and baby daydreams here. Lots of visits to the hospital from various complications and my doc is a callous sh*thead but i feel like i'm too far along to switch to someone else. And every day its eating away at me that i'm with this guy who has no idea how screwed up I am. I have these weird episodes nearly everytime we're intimate (sorry if that's too much info). sometimes i can't even remember the actual sex part one minute i'm with him and then i find myself crying and he's asking if i'm okay and i'm wondering if i need to be committed for something like that. ok sorry this is so long and whatnot. No one to talk to round here and i'm driving myself crazy.

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((( mommie2b )))))))))))))

I'm so sorry that things are so hard for you right now. I DO understand...so well.

With my second pregnancy, I was just coming out of a huge episode just at the beginning of the pregnancy. I was such a mess...such a mess. Like you, I'd been really triggered and so much was going on inside my head. You're not alone, OK?

Is there any way that you can get into therapy...to have someone to talk to...someone there for just YOU? Please try any way possible.

Also, you're not alone.

If you want, PM me and I'll share more. You can do this, though it feels too much.

Peaceful thoughts being sent to you.

KD

[Calm]

Dear mommie2b,

Being pregnant can really make one feel more vulnerable. Pregnancy can stir up so many emotions, thoughts and *what ifs*. It's a time when you so deserve to be gentle with yourself, not only for you but for the sake of your precious baby you are carrying. From what you expressed, it appears you are not pleased with the care you are receiving from your OB/GYN. I don't know how far into your pregnancy you are or what complications you are dealing with but it may not be too late to change doctors. If you have insurance, you can call them and explain your situation and your wish to change. They should be able to provide you with a referral if it's possible at this time. Please consider this option.

mommie2b, your feelings are equally as important as your boyfriends. I don't know anything about your relationship with him but possibly letting him know you're not okay and are struggling with some very difficult issues may help. It's a big step to take. You may not be ready at this time, and I understand that all too well. The possiblity does exist though that he will be open to hearing you and offer some understanding and caring. It's a chance worth taking. It's okay for you to say, "I'm not okay".

Please be considerate of your feelings and allow yourself some gentleness.

Calm

[cajun]

mommie2b, Hang in there. We are here if you need us. *gives mom an e-hug*