Is cybersex with a minor abusive?

If there is no proof, it does not matter if it is legal/illegal. It probably cannot be prosecuted, especially if it happened in the "past".

I don't think it can be abuse, there's no form of coercion possible online that the minor can't walk away from. That's not to say it may not be hard for the minor to want to do so, just that it is possible whereas with abuse of a parent/child nature the child has no other place to go live, no one else who will feed him, etc. With cybersex the child can keep away from the internet, tell an adult they trust, etc. It does not make it right/legal from the adult's side that the minor does not disengage, and if it is caught by other adults in a timely fashion and provable, the adult will probably be prosecuted.

Whether it has negative effects into adulthood depends on how the minor processes the experience. A minor is not in the position to "understand" sex yet and its healthy position in life and early experiences of sex can skew subsequent knowledge and experiences.

Is it more clear cut if there is a wide range in ages? e.g. a 16 yo and a 50 yo

so perna what you are saying is that the issue isn't that the totally consensual voluntary online sex activity between a 16yo and a 50yo is inherently shameful or inappropriate or abusive, but it could be an issue if the minor eventually feels that the activity is inherently shameful or inappropriate

The perpetrators use threats and other psychological means to keep the minors from walking away.

According to a child abuse and reporting workshop I just attended, the only sexual activity that is allowed is between two 13 year olds. If they are 13 and 14, it is reportable. Like I said, I think this is problematic but understand why it exists.

I'm pretty sure that sex between a 16 year old and a 50 year old would be considered statutory rape. If cybersex, then there is probably some other term like lewd and lascivious.

In terms of what is required for people not just therapists to report, even if something is in the past, if the adult is currently in contact with minors or there is reasonable suspicion that that is the case, it is mandated reporting. What happens after that is an investigation by an agency, that does not necessarily involve police. Nothing may come of it, true, but it is still considered abuse and still mandated to be reported.

On the legal side of things everything depends on location when it comes to the internet. It gets pretty complicated considering if you commit this crime you are often dealing with more than one set of laws and locations sometimes countries. Then everything falls down on your data feed and the ability the prosecuter has to find it and relate it to you.

As for the abuse part, its pretty much just like real life situations. The minor has no clue what he/she is truly doing. Doesn't have proper understanding of the situation and many other things. This is a very serious and dangerous things considering how many people are out to do harm in these situations. If they find a true predator things can get pretty bad. If its just another lonely individual then its simply just committing a crime you shouldn't do.

Everyone's expierence and outlook on things is different. So it is a unique expierence no matter who you are and the degree of "abuse" is relative.

This is why it is not up to the 16 yr old to decide. A law might change, but its not usually because one person "eventually" just changes their feeling about it one day. A little more is involved, like voting and judges and public discussion. So we are not saying "inherently" - we are saying there are laws against it, no matter what anybody's feelings are. And a victim is likely to become a perpetrator. and child molesters are often treated very badly in prison. How many reasons do you need?

Sry.. I don't mean to make anyone mad.. I'm fighting with myself right now and probably shouldn't have brought that argument here.. I just don't know how big of a deal something like this is or whether it's worth the embarrassment of bringing it up to a therapist.. Don't know how to talk about it

Sorry if I am reading in too much, but it sounds to me like your own admission of confusion about it and pondering about it points to it being something of an issue. Are you clear about what you actually feel about whatever happened? Or did it seem okay and then become confusing? Some of these laws exist to protect kids because sexual activity is often confusing, particularly something that is with a older stranger. I'm not necessarily calling it abuse, but the law does because if the kid is confused and vulnerable, the adult is preying upon the kid and taking advantage for his own sexual pleasure without regard for the well-being of the kid. See how it can easily become problematic and sound like abuse?

That sort of behaviour by an adult is predatory, online or not. If, by chance, the minor was lying about their age (which is easy to do online) then you couldn't really blame the adult.

But if the adult is aware of the age of the minor, then it is predatory. Minors can't be expeted to fully understand the situation that they find themselves in, and are suseptible to grooming behaviours... a training/brainwashing of the minor to get them to participate in sexual acts while feeling like it was their decision, or like it's the only thing to do to keep the approval of the older adult.

There is nothing, absolutely nothing, wrong with you talking about your experiences with a therapist. If it is bothering you now, then it is worthy of talking about. A lot of the time minors don't realise what they experienced until they are older - hence why many survivors of sexual abuse don't talk about it until they are older. The whole point of the grooming tactics is to make the minor believe that they had as much control as the adult, and to confuse the minor about everything to help ensure that they don't come forward or put up a fight.

This is without a doubt something you should tell your therapist.

When I was 15 I was in a relationship with someone who was 24. I can state unequivocally that this is not something that has affected me. In fact we are still friends- to the extent that exes can be friends.

Perhaps the fact that 16 is the legal age here or that it was another woman or the relatively small age gap factors into the mindset but I do not feel any sort of trauma from it.

Having said that though. The fact that you are confused would imply that maybe there is something underlying there.

I would suggest that you talk to your therapist. They can probably help you understand a lot better.

....I had an online relationship with somebody who was in her 40's when I was 15.

In hindsight it wasn't healthy. The reality is, I'd initially lied to her about my age, and thought I knew what I was doing.

It can be damaging, just as it could be extremely healthy and beneficial, just like any relationship.

in some places in the US, any mention at all to a therapist they are required to report it. even thought it might have happened decades ago, they are still required to report it. there is no such thing as doctor / patient confidentiality anymore.

I remember that when I was 17 years old I had a cyber sex situation with an American guy in his thirties. We would talk about sex, and he'd ask me to masturbate over the internet whilst he did the same which I did, and he would tell me to talk dirty and do stuff that was just out of my depth.

He was American so since the age of consent is 18 over there, I'm pretty certain he was breaking the law.Am I right in thinking that all sexual relations with a minor, (ie someone under the age of 18) are illegal in North America?

Though the age of consent is 16 where I am from, I still feel it did have a detrimental effect on me. I was in a number of internet situations at the time with guys from America who would ask me to send them photos and stuff, but my interactions with this particular guy were very sexual, and the things he asked me to do were with hindsight inappropriate, and I remember feeling overwhelmed at the time,

so yeah, I do think it is detrimental when there is a big age gap involved, at least that's how I feel it was for me.

cybersex with minors is illegal in most states, it' also morally wrong unless you picture a woman over 21 when you do it, and I doubt that you do that. What is disturbing is that any one has to actually ask this question. Asking if it's abusive is a attempt to down play the seriousness of it.

The person asking the question is the minor.

I've noticed with most of us who have been abused we often wonder whether what happened really was abuse. I really don't think it's fair to judge her for her confusion.

I was not judging her, only those adults that have to ask this question or defend it.

^^^Well, I don't think it's fair to judge adults who have to ask this question tbh. I had wondered about it for years, and convinced myself it was just an embarrassing thing that had happened. I am an adult who had cybersex with a much older American man when I was 16/17 Perhaps it sounds ignorant that I didn't know it was illegal on his part, but I find that in general, people downplay all abuse they experience. I think that's how we survive. I have to ask this question or defend it because i want the answer to be 'no it's ok', because it happened to me and I prefer to think I'm overreacting than to think that it was messed up and damaging. I think that's understandable. xx

I'm sorry. I misunderstood.