[mimsies]

Why is it nearly impossible to explain, describe, do more than barely touch on what happened to me?

Why is it so difficult to trust anyone, even the people I trust?

My T knows many things that happened, and we have done a lot of work, but... I just can't talk about it with people, I can barely tell her.

And why... has it happened more than once, by more than one person?

What the he!! is WRONG with me?

[kaliope]

maybe because it is so horrific for you that you cant bear to talk about it.

[mimsies]

I know DO know that, but...

Sometimes it feels like poison, and I know when I do let some of the poison out, it helps. I just... I don't know what I just.

[A Red Panda]

I don't know why either. I try, and then I try to back track and erase whatever I've said. It's hard to trust people we trust, because it's the people we're supposed to trust who have hurt us in different ways. By not trusting, we're trying to stop the cycle from repeating itself again, even if it hurts us anyway.

[Josieanna]

I still can't speak out loud the details of what happened to me. I have wrote it down....it took a week of tears and panic attacks. I have managed to use the word rape when speaking to my T. I open my mouth and the things I really want to say just won't come out. I trust my T...it's just for so long this has been mine....the secret I have carried has been something that I haven't shared with anyone. I desperately held onto it because at a time I had no control, keeping the secret was the only thing I could control. I didn't understand that by keeping it secret I was doing exactly what the man who raped me wanted. I spend my days swinging between shame, humiliation and feeling like an absolute fool.
I go to every T session thinking today I will talk about it. I have been seeing my T since January...still haven't managed to. I don't think I ever will...
I only really have one piece of advice....look after yourself. Mind, body and spirit. Be kind to yourself and do things at your pace. I don't really have anything amazing or insightful to say. If I knew the answer I would share....I think it's just going to take time

Shame, embarrassment, guilt. Also because we have been taught for so long not to tell anyone. Telling almost goes against our instinct. Hang on there, it does get easier to talk.

[secretgalaxy]

I've been seeing my T for three years and I just now disclosed to her that I've been sexually abused. I told her about the other abuse and I feel like I have come to almost accepting that it wasn't my fault. I still hang on to some doubt, though. I haven't been able to tell her the details yet, but she has been so supportive and hasn't pushed me at all. Slowly, I have gained enough courage and trust that I am going to try to tell her some of it our next session. I could never tell anyone else though, as they aren't professionals... Even loved ones don't know about it.

[Anxiety223]

I have the same problem and I'm given to understand that this is common. I also find i have to write it down, it was the only way to tell my boyfriend. I still can't say the word 'rape'. I guess it's a matter of practice. I too open my mouth and nothing comes out or i just sit in silence.
Im sorry I don't have any answers, but know you are not alone

[Lanie2830]

I am so glad I found this forum! I am not alone in how I feel. I can't say the words either. No one in my family or work knows I'm seeing a T and no one knows I was abused except my T. When he asks me to share an experience (for example after a flashback), the words won't come out. My brain kind of shuts down and I see gray. So I write it down. If I'm feeling particularly strong I whisper it to myself in an empty room. This is after seeing this T for a year and it is progress. What I have learned is take things at your own pace and do what feels right to you. It will come when you are ready.