Intrusive images.

For those of you with csa in your history, has it affected your adult sex life?

Definitely... actually my sex life as been virtually non-existent for the past 10 years and I still can't imagine even kissing someone...

Yes. I don't have a sex life because of my trauma history. I am hoping one day I will be comfortable with my own sexuality and can learn to trust enough to share my life with someone I love.

I have really struggled with this in the past few years. I seem to always have terrible images and body memories when having sex with someone. Usually I seem to dissociate at the beginning to ward off any unpleasant sensations, just completely take myself out of the situation before it goes downhill. However, I've been working really hard to do things to stay present with my partner and enjoy the sex life we share. It doesn't always work though, and I do sometimes need to stop. Hopefully, the person you're with can share in those moments with you on an empathetic way, listening and comforting you instead of making you feel isolated and abnormal.

Unfortunately I have to say YES on many levels. My sexuality as a whole is very messed up. It is so f***ed up I would be better of without it. Thankfully I'm very detached from the whole thing so I am able to function.
I'm in a relationship and I do have sex with my bf but it is just something I do without actually feeling much.
Honestly I'm happy I am just able to not feel. I don't ask for more.
I hope my T will not mess that up as she keeps asking about it with hopes of working on it. I'm not going there and risking complete hell breaking loose...no way.

How about been a 38 year old virgin. Yes it has and continues to do so. The closest I have ever come to dating is a coffee hour a few times.

Yes. As per my other thread I can't swear with certainty on anyone's grave that I have csa in my history, but I think I do, and I definitely know that the emotional abuse really messed with my sexuality as well.

I embraced it and tried to recreate it all on MY terms. It was something I needed to do, but I would not do it any more nowadays. I am thankful that my predilections for masochism and degradation are mostly gone, usually only cropping up at very low vulnerable moments in my head.

The way I am now is I want to learn how to have healthy, non-masochistic, loving sex. Not because I think sex always needs love - I certainly don't! To add further confusion I have loved and been loved in my key sexual relationships in the past, but now my definition of love has changed I think, and what I want and would be prepared to compromise on have changed with that.

I guess for me, it's almost like art school, where you learn how to draw and paint traditionally before you experiment with more abstract stuff. You have a solid foundation of the training in excellence to draw from and compare and find your niche as an artist. I want to learn how to have passionate satisfying sex with love, gentleness and absolute respect as the main driver. With us as people being the main focus of why we're having sex, not the main focus being the kinky, creative activities. Not using sex purely as recreation, and happening to love the person coming (ahem) second to that.

I'm waffling, and not sure I'm making sense. BUT anyway now I know what I want to learn - still have no idea how to go about learning it. I have thought about booking an appointment with a sex surrogate to try and learn what gentle, normal, respectful sex feels like. Even though there'd be no love there, it might be a start.

I think my experiences are slightly different in that I have been with my husband since I was 18 which predates CSA being raised to my awareness. Because I already had a trusting and loving with my H prior to acknowledging what had happened to me, I already felt sexually safe and that never really changed.
I sometimes wonder if things that happened to my have subconsciously affected the things I like/don't like sexually though. Certainly not on an intrusive or conscious level.

I too met my husband young. Before any real conscious knowledge.. There was some sexual acting out before.... I would act passive and numb out.... I realise now that was mimicking my actual abuse..... But.... Of late, because of the unearthing.... I have been getting intrusive images.... It's becoming hard to manage...

Hugs. I know how devastating those blasts of toxic waste can be.

I actually haven't been intimate in over a year and a half. When I was , It was like a sweet and sour candy, more sour, more like being stuck in a nightmare on elm street movie.

I have 1 child whom I conceived bore the "regular" way. Which often leads people (the few who know something(s) happened) to believe that I have no problems with sex.

They weren't there when I broke down crying during or right after on many occasions. The didn't hear me calculating standard deviations in my head instead of focusing on what was actually happening, and they didn't see me dissociate, go far away. Oddly enough, except when it was really obvious I was crying- neither did my then husband.

Since the divorce, I have been happily sex free for... 8 years. It is like I got my kid, and there is no more motivation to have sex for me. I have a hard time imagining ever wanting it again. Although... I saw a book on Amazon entitled Experimenting with Babies: 50 Amazing Science Projects You Can Perform on Your Kid . It makes me wanna have another baby.

At first, no, but I guess it's because new things happened and my habits were related to how I felt about myself, so sex was a way to have control and to have validation. But now after reliving csa and going to therapy even the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach.