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#1
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you know what.....i really dont jnow why i bother.....
my mum called yesterday. i haven't been diagnosed with anything yet othr than depresssion, we got onto the subject of ptsd. asked me ehy i could possibly have it if at all. still in denial about abuse....she thought i was going to pdoc about my reltionship with tony or just depression..... quote mum'oh i thought you would be over all that now'unquote i say mum, no one gets over deep emotional trauma easily. 'oh. i thought those 3 therapy sessions we had togehter soughted all that' omigod is it me? she let someone she was having an affair with be alone withme knowing he was a paedophile - hello - then didn't believe me when i told her after 7 years of it as mericans would say - go figure - she hasn't called since. what if she took pills like before or drank herself to death. i daren't call her. she wants to chat about this again. it will push her over the edge i know it will. do i keep quiet or do i tell her howmuch she has nade me feel rejected, unloved, not trusting, insecure, have no self-esteem etc etc etc...... she tries so hard these days - can't deal with it. sorry to rant again, jinny xx |
#2
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Tough question Jinn. I would have to say focus on what you need to get better. You don't need anything else to make you angry right now. If you need to bring closure to that part of the incident, then go to her house and talk. If you don't, then wait until she contacts you. It amazes me that she didn't know what was bothering you. (((((((Jinn)))))))
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#3
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guilt and denial i spose. ashamed. still doesn't know half of what happened though, knows enough. wish i could hate her or cut her out of my life. but i cant and she's my mum at the end of the day.
always been very selfish person. she drinks her way to oblivion every night. if i go to her house, she will forget everything the next day anyway. i f i talk to her sober, she will emotionally abuse methe way she always has and shift the blame onto me somehow thnx caj xx |
#4
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(((( jin ))))
sounds as if mum has her own demons to deal with and facing your demons is something she isn't able to do. I'm so sorry your mum isn't there for you with strength and love like you would like her to be. But we, here have lots for you ![]() Like cajun said, you need to take care of #1 right now. Your mum is a big girl and will do what she needs to do. You have no control over her. Hang in there g/f......ride the waves and remember to breath *Gentle Hugs* J |
#5
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mum called me this morning, barrier up again. she asked if i was ok.
invited her to daughters 18th birthday meal on saturday night which is very close to where she lives. made arrangements to have friends round all weekend and is not prepared to cancel for the sake of her grandaughter. only friends who see her every week anyway, obviously my children aren't important enough for her. she can just go get stuffed. just makes it easier for me to let go of her i suppose, she is an unfeeling hateful spiteful woman who is going to end up very lonely in her old age. i have to explain to dani some excuse why her own nan is not celebrating her 18th birthday with us. grrrrrrrrrrr. still, we invited couple of danis friends along. she is going away with bf to celebrate later this month too we will make it special for her. tonys parents are away at their holiday home, but they made her a special photo album from birth to now which is beautiful, and they are taking her for meal when they come home. my dad prolly forgot she' 18. loser. sorry to rant, was in a good mood til i spoke to her(mother dear) bye xxxxxxxx |
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