[*PeaceLily*]

I'm not sure if I'm posting this to the correct forum, but oh well.

Do you guys get a lot of these thoughts? I have them many times everyday.Sometimes they are very intense, with a huge amount of feeling, and sometimes they are more detached without any real emotion.

I just went to the shop and I thought some variation of 'I just want to die' countless times. It didn't have much energy to it though, and I wasn't at risk of harming myself. Sometimes I get so dissociated and have the thoughts in such a detached emotionless way that it feels like I am floating; as though I am not here, and other times it's the opposite and the thoughts stem from a tidal wave of emotion that feels like its literally crushing me..

Do any of you get this everyday? (And please don't say 'go see a doctor' because seeing doctors was a huge part of what caused these current issues to begin with. Plus i already have a psychiatrist.)

I think this general sense of wanting to die is due to everything that has happened. I think its a post traumatic stress thing, but i didn't post this on that forum because it seems people don't go on that forum as frequently as this one

Does anyone get what I'm saying? xx

[geis]

Yes, almost constantly. When I'm doing okay, they're just passing thoughts, but they spring up at ridiculous moments. Like, "Oh, I should go get the mail. No, I'd rather kill myself." When I'm okay, though, that's easy to dismiss, and usually followed by "Where did that even come from?!"

When I'm not doing well, though, the thoughts become stronger and stronger impulses and plans, and those are much harder to resist.

I don't really have any suggestions or anything--obviously I'm having the same issues. But you're definitely not alone with this.

Yes, all the time. One day I'll be feeling positive and hopeful. The next day, I want to die.

Sometimes it's related to being in psychotherapy where I re-experience emotions from my childhood. Other times, I feel this way in public. Mostly it occurs when I'm alone and hurting.

I've heard this referred to as emotional dysregulation. I really feel for you. You are not alone.

[lightcatcher]

Yes I do too. I wouldn't act on them but they pop in to my head often, more so when I'm under pressure and stress.

[Bluegrey]

Yes, especially when I've been thinking about past traumas or going through difficult times. I had a few weeks between different therapists and because I wasn't thinking about it all (as I didn't have to) it got easier to cope and these thoughts became much less frequent. I've only very rarely been in such a bad state that I was really struggling, most of the time it's almost a random thought.

Mine is down to small t trauma/complex PTSD, I go on that forum as well as this one.

Hope your psychiatrist is helping.


Bluegrey

[SQLVR]

I do, not every single day, but often. They come at random times as well, like I'll be fine all day, and then at night I'll have to fight the urge to just stick my head in the oven, but the feeling only lasts a couple of hours.

[Miako]

I do too. Some days more than others, its quite unpredictable. Sometimes its just passing thoughts like geis said, other times I mean it and imagine myself (from a 3rd person view) going through with it. Which as strange as it sounds, offers me some relief. When I told my therapist about this, he said "It could be a metaphor for your mind wanting your situation to change or for your mental torment to end, but not actually by death." Whether that's the case, I don't know, but since hearing that the thoughts trouble me less.

Yes. Every day. Several times.

I have had these thoughts since I was very little.

[Ad Intra]

Lately, yes. I had seven suicidal thoughts today. It's been getting worse.

[Idiot17]

Randomly throughout the day I would think about it. Always. It's always sitting somewhere in the front of my mind and would just pop out reminding me.....

[Tangerine87]

Originally Posted by geis

Yes, almost constantly. When I'm doing okay, they're just passing thoughts, but they spring up at ridiculous moments. Like, "Oh, I should go get the mail. No, I'd rather kill myself." When I'm okay, though, that's easy to dismiss, and usually followed by "Where did that even come from?!"

When I'm not doing well, though, the thoughts become stronger and stronger impulses and plans, and those are much harder to resist.

I don't really have any suggestions or anything--obviously I'm having the same issues. But you're definitely not alone with this.

OMG me too...I get that too. Sometimes they're so random, like I'll be showering and I'll say omg I should kill myself. It's not like in actually gonna do it. Not sure if it's an intrusive thought.

[SkyWhite]

Yes. It comes in waves. It's most intense when I'm trying to deal with strong emotions like anger or abandonment pain. Sometimes I'll be right on the verge of going through with it, then I back off. It's a painful and dark place to be and I totally get the dissociating part.

Right now I'm staying alive for my H. I don't think I really want to die, I just want the pain to go away and have something better to look forward to than a life of mental illness.

[secretgalaxy]

I get them a lot. They have actually gotten really bad lately, to the point that I now have a plan and have written all my good-bye letters. It's to the point that I honestly don't know if I will actually go through with it or not.

Anyway, when I am doing good (like I was last week) they come maybe once every few days and I am able to brush them off. But when I am going through a lot of stress, they can get so bad that they are the only thoughts I have.

[mimsies]

I have a constant moderate to sever suicidal monologue going on in my head. Sometimes I have highly suicidal impulses which I always resist. I have, in the past half year, had periods of severe suicidality during which I was terrified because I didn't think I was going to make it.

I also have huge reasons to live. It is definitely tough, and scary. Just keep hanging on.