Hey everyone out there I'm writing this with a very heavy heart.
I have Been molested by my step Dad since I was 12.
I told my mom about it she did not believe me and told me never to come with an issue like this to her . If anything I expected my mom to believe me.
It continued everyone undermines my situation especially the psychiatrists and tell me ppl have been through worse and I must move on.
How can I move on when the person who molested me is living under the same roof as me? Can any girl Live under the same roof with the man who molested or raped them?
I can't get this man into jail because no1 in the house will support me and will tell the police that he is innocent. Plus he is very influential and will get out of jail in a day .
My mom who now believes Me about what he has done. She tells me I'm the person who has eaten her life and caused her distress throughout.
Till now she led me to believe that the step Dad is my real Dad and will never tell me the truth about my real Dad. My real Dad expired when I was a kid. I was conceived because of an extra marital affair so all in all I'm just another mistake of her life.I mean she tells me you know that she wishes I wasn't born. I wish my tears mean something to someone out there.
I wish my real dad was around he died and I know nothing about him. I just have his initials E M. It's not much to go on but. hopefully I get to know something about him .
I don't have a job also if I had that probably I could move out.
But then again I think to myself it started I was 12 I'm 18 now and I've not known what is happiness since then.
In these years of my life I have been molested, seen my mom in bed with another man and have been blamed for all their indiscretions.
How can life be so cruel is my question .
If anything I want to get out of here but it's impossible.

[kaliope]

fanora
I am so sorry that this is happening to you. there are people out there who will believe you even if your family doesn't. please report this. you are not at fault for your mothers unhappiness or bad choices so please do not believe what she tells you. abuse is not something you can just forget about and get over. you need professional help. please try and find a way to get in to see a therapist. you are an innocent victim in all of this. take care

I've seen a therapist but now I have stopped

[Bill3]

How helpful was the therapist?

She was quite helpful but she did not really concentrate on that situation. The psychiatrist and therapist I went to just undermined my situation saying that there have been worst cases than mine and mine is nothing serious

[Bill3]

I am very sorry that they were so invalidating. Perhaps there are other therapists to consider? And do you still use a psychiatrist?

[rhoades87]

I can so understand this situation a lot! I was abused by my step dad from 9 years old until i moved out at 19..... I told my mum and she ignored it and said it must be a bad dream. I have been teeling her on and off for years about it, to the point i ended up in the care of child services. I was silly enough to want to go back to my mum as he wasnt there, however he moved it and it started all again. She then came out with excuses like i look like her when they met, she even asked if i enjoyed it!? She came out with so many excuses i will not bore you with them.
Anyways its hard when you feel that the person thats suppose to keep you safe just cant seem to care, and seems to put him above you. My mum is still with the guy even though she now thinks he did it and has begged me not to go through with it...

You really need to do something about it, i know its hard, im going through a court case atm. The date is for the 24-28 November so only a few weeks away..... hold crap!!

Surely because of your abuse if you spoke to someone they may be able to help find you accommodation as they have to keep you safe and well? depends on where you live...

Hope this has helped to say you are not alone, and that you can be strong enough to fight for justice xxx

Thank you so much rhoades u have given me alot of strength but I will drag this man to court a few years later when I'm independent and have the money to fight for myself. Thankyou you have given me hope

Bill I have stopped seeing both a psychiatrist and a therapist as the medication is making me worse therapy helps but then I'm criticised at home for even getting therapy

[ThisWayOut]

Wow, I'm kinda shocked and really pissed at the professionals you dealt with that minimized your experiences. Please try again to find someone to reach out to. Depending on where you are located, there are resources to get toy out of that situation, even as an adult.

This way out I have visited 4 therapists and 3 psychiatrists everyone tells Me the same thing

[Bill3]

If therapy helps as you said above then maybe it is worth continuing even though you don't get support about it at home. What would be the pros and cons of going back to therapy?

[Quarter life]

If not therapy at this stage....Then endeavour to try to get someone to advocate for you. There should be agencies near you that could help you at least change your living situation. The first step is to find a safe place where you have space and time to come to terms with your unhealthy family dynamic. The welfare system is there to help those living in circumstances such as yours, and you are more than entitled to lean on them for a while.....you need to leave. I understand that your mother is your mother, but your relationship with her is very destructive to your self esteem at the moment. Get yourself safe....then maybe you can re connect with her down the track when you are stronger and living independently.

Take care and be kind to yourself fanora hunsford. Q.L

[RainbowG]

What an ugly situation! I'm so disgusted with the professionals for minimizing your experience. It just shows that not every therapist and psychiatrist is qualified to treat abuse survivors.

I agree with Q. L that getting out of that house is the first priority, before considering taking him to court or even getting therapy again. Please don't minimize your mother's emotional abuse; it's also very serious!

Do you have family or friends you could stay with? Perhaps they could let you stay without charging you rent until you find a job. Keep looking for one because that's the first step to independence.

I don't want to minimize the suggestions others have made about getting help from agencies and professionals, but it does depend on the resources in your area. Some are excellent and some suck. You might want to check into child abuse/sexual abuse/sexual assault resources in your local area, even if they're geared towards kids. They may not be able to help you directly, but they might know of places or people that can.

Outside help is wonderful if you can get it, but you can't always get it. Please know that although the situation may feel hopeless right now, it's never hopeless. There is always a solution. Right now, a job and alternative living arrangements seem like the first step. You never know what might turn up when you least expect it!

Rainbow G I'm really hoping I come to know more about my real Dad soon so that I can move out. Plus I'm anorexic it's difficult for me to live alone as I'm usually sick and need round the clock care

[Silent_Tears_17]

Fanora,
I am so sorry. It doesn't matter if someone what other people have been through, and no one should ever compare. Someone here on PC once told me, "If your finger gets cut off and someone's hand gets cut off, the fact that they have a worse injury doesn't make yours any less painful".
Having to live with anyone abusive, especially when no one will believe you or let you get help is unimaginable. Except you don't have to imagine it.
I have had to get help despite my family not being supportive. My grandparents took me in and are helping me now. It's painful that they won't help me, but it has been really helpful in my recovery.
Is there any way you can get out? Are there any domestic violence shelters or something near you that might be able to help you? I am so sorry for everything you have had to go through.

[Oliveaux]

hey fenora,
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It sounds like you're living in a very abusive environment, i promise you though it's not your fault.
Your psych had absolutely no justification for saying that, what you went through was extremely serious and should've been treated as such. If you wanted to make a complaint about them, there are processes where you can do that. Even though it's probably the last thing you want to do right now, I think it could be really helpful to try to find someone else. In my experience, counselors are better than psychiatrists for issues around abuse and also more accessible, especially financially.
Depending on where you are, they may be options if you do want to move out of your home. You may be able to rent a room or find a youth hostel and qualify for government assistance. If there's a women's domestic violence helpline in your area, they can usually provide referrals and assistance.
Hope you're doing okay xo

Olive I have started living with my grandparents for sometime the man has left state so things are getting better