[SunshineGold03]

Hello Everyone,
I have a question for you all. I have a history of sexual abuse at the hands of my grandfather. I have a few hazzy memories from that time when it happened (around 7 I think). These memories coincide with my sisters and cousins and from what I know to be true. Anyway, I consider myself fairly well adjusted in regards to this past trauma. However, I have never formally dealt with it in therapy. My therapist wants me to talk about it and or deal it. But honestly I don't see the point. What am I missing here? Am I avoiding? or have I already dealt with it on my own? Do I need to talk about it to feel better? Any ideas/opinions out there? Thanks Everyone!

Jennifer

[SereneSurvivor]

Hi, I am new here, but I wanted to respond to your question. If you haven't dealt with that trauma then it probably is affecting you and Susan and your T are right about you needing to talk about it. It won't hurt to start talking about it and see where it goes. I hope I have helped you.

Carol

[SunshineGold03]

Thanks Carol I really appreciate your feedback. You have helped.

Jennifer

[inkblot]

In my own experience, one of them, anyway, the person was in the family and we were both kids. My relative was a little older (teens). I was just young and nieve enough think that the game we were playing was really a game. I had no clue about sex yet, and I trusted this person, so I assumed that everything was okay and it was all play. We never went past our underwear. Now that I am an adult, I know the truth. I still have some trouble seeing as it really was though, because I like to think that well, this person has his own set of mental problems to begin with, and blame it all on that. Nobody has ever asked me to talk about it, though, at least not yet. I like to think that I am doing okay with it. In any case, I still don't trust this person alone with my kids.

[Butterfly_Faerie]

Hey girl

I say this to everyone who has had abuse in there lives, I may have said this to you already ?

Anyways- you should seek therapy, no one can deal with abuse by themselves. I have a friend who was abused 20 years ago, she never seeked therapy until recently, and she wishes she got it sooner. Not dealing with the trauma can cause depression among other things. Pushing it back and trying to forget and move on with your life will only work for so long... before you know it'll come rushing back at you , it could even take longer, but the past will always come back up until you've healed.

It took me about a year to tell my psychiatrist about the abuse I went through at the hands of my ex... and now that i've talked about it , so many things are much clearer, I have a better understanding about why things happened after that.

I rarely have flashbacks, my body memories are rare, I no longer have nightmares and daydreams, and since i've dealt with it and the other assaults I went through I feel new, I feel empowered, and I know now that I will never let anyone hurt me again. I couldn't say that a year ago..

It took me from the age of roughly 18 to now (24 in roughly a week) but i've almost completely healed, and know this is a wonderful feeling...

You deserve that....

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

[misstonya]

Well I think that anytime there is something that bad in your past that you should talk about it. I never had sexual abuse as a child other than one time my grandfather touched my breast and i never told anyone. but I stayed away from him and he died shortly after that happend. I dont really think that consitutes as abuse, but what it sounds like to me is that you really do need to get it out in the open and talk about it. there is always the chance that it could help. so i dont know what my advice is worth I hope it helps.
Tonya

Tonya Nicole

[SunshineGold03]

Tonya,
Your advice is worth alot and I appreciate it greatly! Thanks!


Jennifer

[alm15]

Hi Jennifer! I think this is a really good question. One thing that happened for me when I started working through my memories was that I began to see so many things about myself that had been effected by the abuse. I was terrified of spiders, for example. I had a memory that dealt with that and those feelings lessened. I also had a lot of food triggers that I had no idea came from my past. There were countless things that I was doing in relationships with friends, family and romatically that were rooted in my past and they couldn't be healed unless I worked on the place those things came from. For me most of it has come from the abuse in my past. I can't tell you what you need to do, only you know that answer. You might consider that your counselor has probably helped many people and might know something about yhe path you're on that you don't. Good luck to you, no matter what you decide! Annie

[SunshineGold03]

Annie,
Thank you very much for your advice. I really appreciate it. My inclination is toward getting it out in the open and dealing with it because I am afraid that some of my emotions and reactions to situations may have their roots in the abuse I suffered years ago. So I am going to move forward with dealing with it slowly and stay as strong as I can. Thanks Guys!

Jennifer