need to talk about this....

i have had a long history of sexual abuse in my family.
i recently found out that my mother was sexually abused by her father (my grandfather). this got me thinking of the times that i remember him inappropriately touching me. however, im not sure if it really "counts" as sexual abuse/molestation. i was about 6/7 and i was sitting on his lap. the next thing i remember the has his hands on the outside of my clothes around my private area. another time i remember him coming in a little too close for a hug. does this count as sexual abuse or am i just misintrepeting it?
i am also confused about a possible rape. when i was about 8 i was at my house with my brother and his friend. they were babysitting me so my parents weren't home. i was in my room when my brothers friend (who was probably 12 at the time) came in. i had always had a crush on him, and he knew about it. he told me that i should kiss him, i really didn't want to, but he talked me into it by saying "everyone does it" and "its no big deal". so i did it. then he asked if he could touch my breasts and genetials. i said no. he then said "if you don't i will tell your mom that you were mean and bad today. then you'll get in trouble." that worried me but i said no again. he then said that he would hurt me very badly if i said no again, so i had better say yes. so i did. he reached inside my shirt and touched me. then he put his hand inside my pants and underwear and continued to touch me. he then asked if i would have oral sex with him. at the time i didn't even know what it was! he then said that he would tell my mom if i didn't. i still said no. then he said that it was no big deal and everyone was doing it. i said no again. then he said if i didn't then he would hurt me. so i got scared and said yes. this would happen three more times.
is this rape? or consentual sex? i am very confused about it and i need some guidance. if anyone understands or is in the same boat, feel free to talk to me!

<font color="green">You were FORCED you agreed only under threats and that is RAPE!

I am sorry you experienced this you did not deserve it and you tried to stop him. Let the shame and guilt and anger go to him. None of this was your fault. It is perfectly normal for young girls to have crushes on boys - it is not normal for the boy to take advantage of the girl in this fashion. Safe hugs if you want them.</font>

I agree with dalila good posting. you were forced, young and vulnerable. the blame is on him and not you.

i too send you safe hugs, do not bame yourself for any of this

jinnyannxoxoxoxox

sorry you had to endure this abuse...Abusers use blame, shame like weapons forcing the one they are hurting to stay quiet...very very cruel..and wrong..they took from you what was not theirs to take..

Many healing thoughts going out to you..

He forced you through threats. You were raped.

<font color="#000088"> It was definately abuse and rape,thats the same way my brother got me,was by threatening to kill me.They will threaten you,because you are young and vulnerable,and they know that you will believe what they are saying,and they will get what they want.I am so sorry you had to go through that to.It's pretty scary huh? And you're grandfather,that was also abuse,and he was way out of line,my mother was also molested by her father to,that's why she told me he was dead before I was born,even though I met him alive and with alzheimers when I was 16.But I'm sorry you went through that with both your grandfather and those boys.It wasn't fair to you,and you must not have gotten any help for it,if you had to ask this,I'm so sorry.I've been there,so if you need to talk,I'm here! </font>