I am not sure where to begin.

Well I am not sure where to begin. So I will just ask and maybe someone can point me in the right direction. I guess the best way to describe myself is curious. I am wondering if a person can suppress a memory from a young age and have it show up later as a curiosity? I guess the short version is that I wonder if my mother and I, may have had sex when I was younger and I can't remember it. (she is passed on so I can't ask). I am wondering if that could be the reason for my interest in that type of relationships.
Just

Hi Justwaiting, welcome to PC.

Well, are you a male?

Firstly, let me say that as we age our ability to surpress the possible traumas that we experienced at a younger age becomes harder. I read about this a while back and it's like that barrier that allows us to surpress thins and gets weaker, and that is why people who are older might start to remember these things and be confused "why now" after all these years?

I can't tell you "for sure" that the curiosity you are having actually means something like that happened. It could mean that at a young age you fantacized about it. If you are a male, it is not unusual for a young male to be attracted to his mother. The mother is the first intimacy (non sexual) the male child has, and then they discover themselves sexually and that can be confusing.

Always remember, children don't really understand "sex" on the level adults do. They are naturally curious and explorative about what it means.

Hope that helps some.

OE

Well it is late so I will write more tomorrow but yes I am male. I don't recall fanticising about this as a child.
Just

(TRIGGER) Sorry Iam unsure of how to do the trigger thing. First, thank you for your response. Now let me take the time to fill in some blanks. I am the youngest of five sibilings. My mother was married alot of different times as well as dated alot. I am not sure how old I was when I first encountered something odd, maybe twelve or so. The first odd thing I can recall was my older brother (by nineteen mo.) Got caught looking at dirty magazines while she was buying cigirettes. The clerk told on us and she defended us, saying that if we were going to look, she would rather know about it than for us to sneak around to it. That was that. She didn't mention it again.
The second time was shortly after by less than a yr I guess. A boyfriend she was seeing took us on a trip. He rented seperate rooms for him and her and another for my brother and I. After drinking too much she came to our room and said he had passed out and she asked if we wanted to go skinny dip in the motel pool. We sent her back to her room thinking she was just drunk and not realizing what she was doing. We didn't speak of that again either.
There are two more strange occurences, but i will put them in a different post, so they are not so long.
Sorry about the length of the discreption but I wanted to put it all out there so I can hoopefuly come to terms with this.

(TRIGGER) Let me see if I can finish this off so you have the whole story. Another incident I recall was finding a folder or note book that had several erotic stories in them. I won't list the content but suffice to say my mother had a varied sexual interest. Although I don't recall any of them being about incest.
The last thing that sticks in my mind is when I was about 15. Not being very good with the girls I remember being upset once at being rejected by a girl I was fond of, so I talked to my mother about it. Being sexually frustrated I guess, (only way I could think of to describe it.) I asked my mother if she would be a hooker for me. I was upset and crying when I asked this. She was also crying, seeing that something was really bothering me. Her answer was to hug me and say that she already had. Nothing happened, but we cried together for a while, and never spoke of it again. I moved out on my own when I was 16. I was in my mid to late 20's when she passed and we had never discussed it.
I guess what I am missing or looking for is some kind of closure. My sexual interest come and go but I seem to always be drawn back to that thought of mother son thought.
I seem to lean to the more taboo when it comes to sex and I think it has ruined several relationships that would have otherwise been good and long lasting.
Just

It could be that you were affected by your mother's many relationships. Your reference to her being a hooker for you, and her response that she already had, suggests to me that she might have been admitting that's what she had done to earn money (or that's how she felt about herself with all the men she was with), not that she had a relationship with you in that way. It would be enough to cause you all sorts of issues.

Thank you Open Eyes and ruh roh for responding. Both good and thought provoking responses. I am not sure why this troubles me, or even if it does for sure. I dont think I would be suprised either way or if it would even make a change in my life.
Does anyone know if hypnosis works or not?
Just

I'm not sure what you have in mind when you say hypnosis. It's good for being able to calm down when triggered, to reduce the feelings of overwhelm so that you can function better and live life without the terror. I would not use it as a way to recover memories, though.

Thank you. Is there a paticular reason? I wondered if it worked because i am looking for answers I suppose, but I am conserened that what i may remember may just be implanted thoughts from my own head or that of the person putting me under.
Wether this is something I have made up or if it really happened then I would like to know so I can put it to rest. I tend to hang on to things I cant figure out.

The reason for doing it to calm down and nothing else would be that the risk of destabilization is too great. The idea of therapy for trauma is to get stable, then slowly work with traumatic memories (not incite them). I suppose there is also the risk of it not being reliable, but I would think the main reason is that therapy is for improving, not decompensating.

I don't think hypnosis is going to settle anything for you if you don't know if anything happened. Give it time and trust.