[CeCe333]

I've been seeing the same therapist for over a year now (for an issue other than abuse), and we definitely connect. We seem to have similar backgrounds, and he understands a lot of the references and jargon I use. I really couldn't ask for a better match.

But
I've been wanting to tell him that I was robbed of my virginity, ended up in the hospital for an issue related to sex, stuck in a bad relationship for over a year and effectively became my boyfriend's sex slave, but I chicken out every time we're talking about something relevant and I know I should bring this issue up. I also didn't know how to break up with him and had to move across the country to get out of the relationship.

My therapist knows that I moved to get away from a guy, but I've always been too scared to talk about specifics.

How can I be brave enough to be able to talk about this issue with a real human being and not just on the internet?

[CANDC]

Hi CeCe. Welcome to Psych Central. Sorry you have suffered through so much in life. It would seem at the least you might consider a therapist for yourself until you can sort all this out.

Is your therapist a man or a woman? Some people who have suffered abuse cannot come to trust a person that is the same gender as their abuser. I know that is a tough choice to change therapists, but if you could not reveal to a man for a year, then that shows how deeply the fears run.

There is also a free service here with volunteer therapists that accept questions as their time allows. Ask them also Ask the Therapist

Many people here at PC find they can share these feelings and what they are going through with the confidence that people go through similar things and can empathize. So many forums are offered as well as Chatrooms (after you have 5 posts or comments on others posts).

You can also be an active member in other ways like supporting others in their questions, reading articles and posts http://forums.psychcentral.com that are applicable to your area of concern.

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

CeCe, you can type it out and email it to your therapist and then discuss it with them when you get there. That is an option, or write it out and hand it to them. Or mail it to them to put in your file. That works also. It gives them time to give you a wonderful one on one time of processing it, working through it and transfering it permanently. That is a thought you can think about. tc

[Miktis25]

Adding to omega's comment, you could even print your post out to give to your therapist.

Whenever there's something I can't say out loud to mine, then I email her instead. Else, if my stepdad knows what it is I want to tell her, then he'll write it instead and I can show her

[kaliope]

hi cece
i found a lot of things difficult to talk to my therapist about. i really wanted to because i wanted to get better, but it was so hard to get out. one thing i had was the swimming pool technique. you know, jumping into that cold pool of water??? you know it is going to come as a shock at first but in a few minutes your body will adjust and it will feel really good. so i treated many things like that and just blurted stuff out. stuff i just couldnt say, i would do what the above member said. i wrote it down and handed it to my therapist and said i wasnt able to say it, but it was important so i wrote it down. my doc would read it and then we would talk about it. it was so much easier that way. good luck.

welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

[CeCe333]

Yes, my therapist is male, but I don't think that's the issue. The issue has more to do with either being ashamed or having a topic that hurts too much to talk about.

He can probably speculate that I was sexually abused in some way, but I feel like he's not supposed to be allowed to ask. I have to be the one to bring it up.

I like the email idea. It might be useful not only for this topic but also anything else I want to discuss but have trouble bringing up

[nicoleflynn]

The shame doesn't belong to you, but the abuser; if you can try to put it in that perspective, and I think writing it out and giving it to your t is a good idea. you can't be helped until you bring it up,and it will probably be such a relief; something you don't have to hold inside and suffer with anymore.

I bet your therapist has heard it all before. I agree with nicole the shame is not with you but the abuser. It took awhile for me to tell my therapist about the abuse she was so understanding and supportive when I did finally tell her, I felt so much relief telling her. How about writing it down and passing it to your T? I know that has helped people a lot.

[Random]

I think if you can pinpoint the part that is scaring you the most, it would be helpful. Are you afraid if you bring it up it will all have to be layed out on the table? Whatever it is, maybe you could blurt out the general concept and then quickly follow that its hard for you but you wanted him to know but are nervous about discussing the topic in detail(or whatever part is most distressing for you).

[CeCe333]

It seems a little daunting to break down my thought process. It was a pretty long ongoing thing.

And I hate to admit that I stayed out of my own free will, and I didn't even love the guy. I wasn't threatened or coerced or anything.

[TerriLynn]

Cece, sorry you are going through this. I recently told my therapist something I had never said out loud before either. I had to write it down and read it to him, but then I was only able to very briefly say it, and not give any details. You don't have to do it all at once. You can tell him that you have some things that need to be told, but you cant do it all right now. Then just tell one part, one thing, that you can get out.

If he is a good therapist and knows you well, he probably already knows that you are holding something back.

Just do what you can a little at a time. Speaking from experience, once you get it out of your mouth, from brain to mouth, nothing terrible happens, it hurts emotionally while it is being said, but you DO live through it.

Good luck~

[CeCe333]

So, I finally mentioned it. He said he sensed it but didn't ask because he didn't want to be too invasive.

It wasn't as intimidating as I thought it would be. I guess a good therapist knows how to keep it at a pace that I'm comfortable with.

[Random]

Congrats! That took a lot of courage.

[Serzen]

This is the start of a new life for you.

[CeCe333]

I feel so much better in life in general already. Like lifting a huge burden off my shoulders

[GRUMPY PA]

Hi CeCe, I know it is hard to open up,I was abused when younger, I lost all trust with senior figures. When you do get the courage to talk it will be getting a huge weight off your back. Everyone is different,if you are not happy with your therapist ask for another. If I had had the courage a lot more children would have been saved from this predator, I was his first, he ruined 40 more lives after this is what hurt me the most. I hope you can build up the courage,it's not easy,just remember it wasn't your fault. All the best

[nicoleflynn]

Keep talking; there is no point in keeping it in.