[Doonney]

Just got back from the SA T ( <~ why this) all she wanted to do was talk about feelings.

What feelings?..... I was under the impression those that are abused don't have these alusive feelings........ I know I don't...... and I'm sure as hell not going to start having them now...... feelings....... you must be kidding........ can't we go forward and heal without getting all caught up in...... feelings....... whats with all this crying and releasing they want me to do....... not happening....... feelings....... I aint getting in touch with nothing...... yes we look back at what happened....... but why?........ do we have to attach........ feelings....... to it?......... I know I'm ranting and raving sorry....... but give me a break here........ feelings....... where talking about....... feeling........ something....... you know crying....... hurting........ getting it out there......... and all her talking about these........ feelings......... is not doing my control over these........ so called........ feelings....... any good...... why on earth does she think I take 20 different meds everyday?............ to block out.......... stop any......... feelings............. from going on...... how am I going to cope if she keeps throwing them up in my face?......... asking me how I...... feel?......... I really don't think I can do this............ carry on T........ not if she say's I have to sort through these........ feelings........ before I can move forward........ let go.

Am I angry because I am expected to feel things just about the pyhsical - sexual - mental abuse. No. Because I surpose to feel about other things in my life too. It's one thing to care for others it another thing to let them affect you. And I just can't do that again.

Blah....blah.......blah.........blah.........blah. Time I shut myself up.

Thanks for listening anyway.

[Juliaspavlov]

(((((((Doonney))))))) reading some of the kind remarks you've left at other peoples posts it looks like you have tender feelings for others just maybe not yourself. Hope we can be of help here at PC...Im very sad for all you've been thru and commend your for the strength youve shown. Hope you have some things to be hopeful about.....I often feel very numb.....from being thru abuse too....I walk around and don't feel myself doing it. I could be a marathon walker..hee hee. ...............luv Jjulia

[Doonney]

I'm so,sooooooooooo, sorry for my outburst - carry on - venting.

Didn't take to well to the shock of all that emotion as you can see

Not an excuse I know

Why all the emotion? For the first time I had to truely face how I feel about what happened and those that did it to me. And as you can see I didn't like it one bit.

The pain - hate - rage - humiliation - discust. All too much right now. I thought I could just go through the motions at T and that would be enough. More fool me.

Once again I'm promise haven't stoped since.

[RACEKA]

I know exactly how you feel. I will need to start discussing my abuse soon too. I thought about the feelings too. I don't have any. I know he's going to keep asking me how I feel. I hate that question.
I don't want to feel it if I could. I couldn't identify a feeling if I had to.

I'm with ya.

[Doonney]

Julia & RACEHA thanks for being there - listening and being supportive.

I'm sorry you both know where I'm coming from. I really do wish niether of you knew how bad I feel. But I am glad you are both there, so I may have someone to talk to. There is no one out here ( not family they did this to me - not friends they can't cope with it - and not hubby it just makes him sad and angry ) I can talk to who understands (thankfully in some ways I guess) besides my T.

Most of the time it's just me and all this Pain!