Abused for being autistic??? *may trigger*

I can't use the trigger warning thing on my phone

Sometimes I don't know where to post on these boards because things can come under more than one thing- but I think this is the most relevant board

Growing up was tough- my mother was very physically and emotionally abusive and neglectful- but only to me out of the 3 of us.

Last week I was diagnosed with autistic spectrum disorder.

Today I saw my T. We discussed the diagnosis more, and about my mother.
Not that being abused makes any sense- because it doesn't- it is illogical and immoral- but we came to the conclusion it is probable that the reason I was singled out was because I was/am different. It is the only explanation for why it was just me- because I am the only one who is autistic.

My brother spoke to my mother before my assessment and wrote an email to the assessor- he said that I was often blamed for things that weren't my fault because my mother mistook my lack of eye contact for dishonesty and I was beaten for 'lying'.

I was easily frustrated as a child which my mother met with rage and physical violence.

I found the session really hard today. It was hard not knowing why she did it- but it seems worse somehow for it to be because of a condition I was born with and that I can't help.

My ASD has lead to abuse which lead to PTSD



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I'm so sorry to hear that you went through this . my daughter has ASD too.

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Thank you- my daughter has ASD too that's how I noticed my ASD.

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Hi ChavInAHat,

I'm sorry you had a tough session...........but I'd say, that ultimately..........she was still in the wrong for abusing you, you weren't/aren't "in the wrong" for having autism
Autism never justifies abuse, it wasn't your fault your mother was how she was.
And I'm betting that some of those traits were exaggerated because of some of her behaviour........and she's fully responsible for that too!!!
And why she did it........let's not be holding all the focus on you, hey??
She is responsible and her alone, the fault was in her, not in you

Alison

Thank you for replying.

I get that ultimately she is in the wrong and I don't think it is my fault for being autistic, but it seems the only explanation as to why it was only me. Looking after a child with ASD is hard- but you are right, it doesn't justify it. Nothing ever will. I would never hurt my daughter for being autistic (she was diagnosed 2 years ago)

I did raise the point that I probably wouldn't have been able to look her in the eye if I wasn't autistic- because she hurt me and I was/am scared of her. (Even at 29, I saw her a few weeks ago and went into 'freeze' mode).

I think part of 'accepting' the past is working out why, to try to 'make sense of it'.

The 'why' thing has driven me crazy for so long.

I actually think it makes her more sick for doing it because I'm 'different' :-/

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Hi ChavInAHat,

It's probably because you're so different from her, IN A GOOD WAY, that's going to make it much harder to understand. Afterall you're a GOOD parent and you probably find it so hard to imagine treating your daughter the way she treated you

And you know, autism may have been a factor because it was there, but I don't know that she would have necessarily needed it to be if it wasn't.
If she was the kind of person who felt the need to abuse..........I don't know, needing power, feeling insecure, feeling helpless, whatever.........then without the autism.........she may have abused the youngest of you, or the oldest if she felt attachment decreasing, the one who spoke their mind the most........or the least, the one who needed her the most.......or the one who needed her the least.............and that child may or may not have been you.
But you're absolutely right, if autism was a factor, it does make her more "sick"
And actually in that...........you have kind of worked out a reason why, haven't you (??).........she was "sick"..............

And in making sense of things...........sometimes you have to over time choose where to draw the line...........because you may never FULLY truly/deeply understand...........because you have the massive advantage over her in that you can't imagine yourself doing those things to a child...........you just wouldn't.
And be SO proud of how very different you are from her.



Alison

My mom is also abusive to me because of my autistic traits and some other things. I want you to know that you are so, so important, you are not responsible for her treatment of you, you are wonderful just the way you are and you don't owe anyone anything. Eye contact is so overrated and it's not fair of her to take that to mean it's ok to abuse you. You are loved and you are valid, take care of yourself because you're worth it. <3