[dalila]

<font color="green">My therapist worked with me a long time to get me where I could like and comfort my inner child, the little girl who had been hurt so much. But last session she said I needed to look at how I would nuture the teenager inside. The child i can handle she is little and sort of cute, but the teen is obnoxious, resistant even more than the little one! and I keep feeling that she deserved much of what she got. Not the beatings well not the severity of the beatings but I can't get past the way she behaved, the way she dressed. I feel loopy talking about her when she is me.

Anyway how do you love the teen - the one you don't really like in the first place? Do you really have to learn to love her to heal?
</font>

i ask myself the same question.i have an inner child that wasn't loved, a teenager who asn't protected otr loved and now adulthood where i still fee like a lost soul, i wish o could answer you, but i send you my love and understanding. i hope i can recover my emotional and sexual abuse - i just dont know. i wish you well my friend. keep in touch

jinnyann xoxoxoxox

(((((((((((((safe hugs))))))))))))

[sabby]

IMO, it's easy to love the inner child. The child is innocent and innocence is easy to love and nurture.

Now a teen, there are so many facets of a teen. They are rebellious at times, reaching for independence and trying to find themselves. More than anything, a teen needs attention. Maybe the reason the teen is so rebellious and obnoxious is because she is trying to receive the attention she needs so much. When they push you away is when they need you to hold onto them the most.

You may not have to learn to love the teen, but learning acceptance can really help you I think. My teen felt better when I learned to accept her and really look at what made her act the way she did.

Just my ramblings and ideas. I hope they helped in some small way.

Good luck along your journey!

Hugsssss
J

[MissCharlotte]

Dalila,

I have not gotten there yet but I know it's around the corner....my little girl has just made herself known to me and she is hurting, but on some level i know my teenager is too. It is my little girl who dissociates a lot and my teenager who cuts and sometimes drinks wine and rebukes authority and so on.

I have a teenage son and two older sons. I think you can begin to parent your teen by imagining what you would say to any teenage girl you cared about....hmmm...As a teacher, I know they need lots of validation because they may be experimenting with adult roles and are unsure of themselve....just a thought.

Good luck, be good to yourself...I look forward to hearing about your progress because I'm right behind ya; but my little girl needs some more attention first.

[dalila]

<font color="green">Thanks jinnyann, sister and sabau2.

Finding a way to connect with the little one was a challenge cos I felt like all she did was bring me more and more ugliness. I absolutely hated her for a while, but I had hated myself for a lot longer. I found in comforting her, I felt better, stronger and less vunerable. In rescuing her [in my dreams and flashbacks] I came to care for her. I am not perfect in caring for that part but she really doesn't have any more new 'stuff' to show me and so I feel safer with her.

The teen is definately needy, but neither of us see her as vunerable - she is strong cos she had to be strong, she had to be mom to her little brothers starting when she was all of 11. My therapist keeps saying that I did what I had to do to survive back then, but ..... She was so sexual and so off the wall.
What would I say to her? "Go put some clothes on tramp! You know how to do the stuff that mom gets mad about - why don't you just do it? " and finally, "If you didn't like what was happening to you why didn't you tell someone?!?"

Hmmm, I have a long way to go with this one. </font>

[MissCharlotte]

Dalila said:

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she is strong cos she had to be strong, she had to be mom to her little brothers starting when she was all of 11.

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These are some amazing qualities your teenager displayed, so how about something like:
"You are so strong and competent despite the chaos in your life. You have so much love to offer your brothers. They will benefit always from your attention. I admire your courage."

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
dalila said:
<font color="green">Thanks jinnyann, sister and sabau2.

Finding a way to connect with the little one was a challenge cos I felt like all she did was bring me more and more ugliness. I absolutely hated her for a while, but I had hated myself for a lot longer. I found in comforting her, I felt better, stronger and less vunerable. In rescuing her [in my dreams and flashbacks] I came to care for her. I am not perfect in caring for that part but she really doesn't have any more new 'stuff' to show me and so I feel safer with her.

The teen is definately needy, but neither of us see her as vunerable - she is strong cos she had to be strong, she had to be mom to her little brothers starting when she was all of 11. My therapist keeps saying that I did what I had to do to survive back then, but ..... She was so sexual and so off the wall.
What would I say to her? "Go put some clothes on tramp! You know how to do the stuff that mom gets mad about - why don't you just do it? " and finally, "If you didn't like what was happening to you why didn't you tell someone?!?"

Hmmm, I have a long way to go with this one. </font>

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Yes, you probably do, but hey you had the courage to start!

[Fuzzybear]

[(JD)]

I think, now that you are aware of your teen and you are an adult IRL, that acceptance would be good. Can you make allowance that you might not be aware of the reasons the teen is the way she is? Can you also then, find a new role for the teen, as the old way is no longer necessary?

[dalila]

<font color="green">Thank you for your responses, I am still struggling with this one. I used to act on the feelings and reactions of the inner teen and until I repressed them, I got myself into situations that made me feel worse about myself.

I have fought so hard to get here and I am ready to be done. Therapy is hard work </font>

[drummergrl]

The little girl inside of me stays to herself alot, and waits for the "knight" in shining armor to come and take her home. But, where is HOME? What is home? Where can she go that she would feel safe, loved, and protected......
the three inner most things she yearns for, yet they somehow keep evading her. I keep her safe and warm and protected. I never let anyone get too close, or allow her to wander off too far. I let her be who she is for what she is and most importantly.......to love who she is. She only wants to be loved for that reason. She loves to be held and cooed to, but not "fondled" the way she use to be. She doesn't trust men, and she doesn't even like them, really.
She's not "gay".....she just yearns for the soft, warm touch of a female mentor. Someone she can love and not feel ashamed, or told she's "weird". Her inner soul is aching for "skin" hunger. I think that means she just wants to be loved and coddled. Sex never enters into anything. Besides she's just a little girl. That's all she ever will be.
And that's okay. She belongs to me.................she is me!!