Inside Abuse

I was sexually abused by my oldest brother. He's not related to me thank god, as i was adopted. But How do I handle being around him during the holidays?

Hello Selina91: The Skeezyks doesn't know as he has much to offer with regard to your concern. But I saw that no one had replied to your post. So I thought I would. Perhaps some other members, here on PC, who have had some experience with this, will yet reply to your post.

My only thoughts with regard to this are to try to not be around him any more than necessary. Make a point of being in different rooms, doing different things. Also, if there is someone else in the family who is aware of what happened, perhaps talk with them about your concerns. Perhaps they can help "run interference" for you, so to speak.

Beyond that, perhaps another important thing is going to be to try to find ways to manage the stress / anxiety you may feel at having to spend time around your brother. If you can, go for walks, meditate (if that's something you're into), try to create opportunities to do such things as listen to quiet, uplifting music. (There are a lot of wonderfully soothing Sufi chant videos on YouTube, for example.)

What happened to you was not your fault. (I presume you know that.) And you can take pride in the fact that you've overcome. The shame is on your brother. Be gentle with yourself & stand proud!

Hello Selina91,
I don't have a great deal more to offer than what Skeezyks has said (good suggestions, especially about having several people run interference or act as a buffer zone). I would like to pose a question in the gentlest possible way: do you really have to spend time with this person? I know the holidays involve family and the answer may be that it's unavoidable if you want to see the rest of your family over the holidays. But I still had to ask. Having to spend time around the person who abused you must be very very difficult. Please know that I'm sending good thoughts your way.

Hi Selina, I was abused by a brother, also.

For me, it reached a point where even being in the same room as him induced panic and anxiety. I finally sent a letter to everyone in the family and I told them that I would no longer be attending family gatherings where he is present.
I never will understand why my family tolerates abuse and sweeps it under the rug "to preserve the family unit". Seems backwards to me, I thought family was supposed to be supportive and loving. Anyway, that's another story.
Is your family aware of the abuse? You can PM me if you want to speak privately.

Selina91, I am not sure that anything i say will be any help but here goes, I was also sexually abused by my bioligical brothers, and other family members when i was young. Back then you never told. I am over 50 now and still can't talk about it.My family is very disfunctional, and my parents were alcoholics. If you have told your family, and they haven't made any arrangements to make things easier for you, then you might decide not to go, and if you haven't told your family, you might need to talk to them about it for yourself. This problem won't go away.