Being strangled

****trigger warning below*

When I was about 9, I was sent to my grandparents for the summer. It was in the middle of nowhere....large farms so the neighbors were far away. My grandpa got angry at me and through me on the bed, jumped on top of my and started strangling me. My step grandma stood in the doorway and watched. She didn't do anything but loook scared. I couldn't speak but pleaded with my eyes for her to help and then he stopped.

About a year later I was having a hissy about needing to clean my room and my dad (my grandpas son) came flying in the room and took my jump rope and started strangling me with it. My mom came in and started beating on him to stop. She was crying so hard....I was choking and in shock. My dad stopped and then made me apologize to my mom for scaring her.....which I did.

My dad doesn't remember doing this. My grandpa is a WWII veteran who lost his mom at a young age and him and his 3 other siblings were raised by a strict man through the Great Depression. I have forgiven them both as best I can but I can't get over feeling uncomfortable around them. I'm crying as I write this....I love them so much but they wanted to kill me. The people who were suppose to care for me most wanted me dead. How do I get past this and feel comfortable around them and show them how much I love them? I'm stuck. Advise?

I'm so, so sorry this happened to you. Of course you are uncomfortable around them, at a young age they scared you out of your mind. I think huge emotional, adrenaline filled physical responses leave some memories etched on our minds in a way that stays quite vivid. Logically, you are being completely understanding and forgiving but in your subconscious mind, the fear and anxiety you felt remains. I think posting about it will help you. I will be thinking of you today (as I frequently do). You didn't do anything wrong; rather than that you are more forgiving about it than many people would be. I think being forgiving will help you in the long run as will talking and posting as well.

" My dad stopped and then made me apologize to my mom for scaring her.....which I did."

This is completely ridiculous!! It was SO not right. So on top of scaring you, he made sure to make sure that you feel guilty about it when it was his fault!

I think you are doing very well with overall perspective and approach here, and I think it would be fine for your husband or someone to quietly assure you (without saying anything to anyone else) of always being there as a protector whenever those men are present and whether or not either of them might ever again be any kind of threat to your personal safety and well-being.

I think parents do what their parents did.
But some are just crazed child abusers.
Do you want them in your life?
Really love them? If so then forgiveness is a part of love. My ex tryed to strangle me. I got a restraining order. I don't love him now. But I have forgiven him. I think it was a crime of passion. But I wouldn't trust him or care to be his friend.
So you could do the Ben Franklin close. Write down all the benefits on one 1/2 of the paper. Then on other 1/2 all the negative consequences to being part of their lives.
This will help you clarify your feeling and help you to decide.

((((Hugs)))). My ex husband strangled me too. It makes me wonder what I did to deserve it all or why people like to strangle me. But as you said....it's patterns of abuse and I probably subconsciously chose my ex because he was familiar if you know what I mean. I'm sorry that happened to you too.

Yes, I do love and forgive them and desperately want them in my life. The problem if, it's so hard and horribly uncomfortable when I'm around them (mainly my grandpa as he's grumpy and mean and always has been but my dad is usually cheerful and nurturing in his own way). I want this horrible, suffocating feeling that I get when I'm around my grandfather to go away. He's 98 and who knows how much time I have left with him. He tried his best and he had his own crosses to bare which I know caused his behavior. I forgive, but can't shake the feeling and it keeps me from visiting. And since he lives with my parents it makes visiting my parents harder.

Thank you for everyone who responded. This is hard for me to write...I feel guilty for saying anything bad about them. But I think I needed to get it out and it's time I talk about it. Thank you to everyone who took the time to read it. (((Hugs))))

A family member strangled me as well. It's terrifying, and a way for one person to assert dominance and terrorize another. In fact, a history of strangling is used as by some police departments as a predictor of fatal violence in domestic violence situations. No wonder it still affects us.

I also still see the person who did this to me, for complicated reasons. Cutting family off is hard--there are so many mixed feelings involved. I can't make the feelings go away when I see this person, but I can try to make sure I feel in control as much as possible. So I limit the time I spend, I make sure I am never cornered or alone with him, and I take lots of breaks into the bathroom to do things to stay grounded. I'm sorry you have to deal with it, too. If you're ready, talking about it might be the right thing for you now, at least with your dad.

My dad doesn't remember it. My mom asked him recently and he has no recollection. Do you think it would be helpful to talk about it with him?

My grandpa is 98. What if he died of a stroke because it triggers him? I could never forgive myself ya know. Even though my grandpa says everyday "I'm ready for the ashes". He lost his license last year and his home and independence a few years before. My grandma had a terrible stroke that really changed her and she needs constant help. So he's been through a lot and I almost think he would just say I'm a brat and deserved it or something. I don't think he realizes what it did to me.