guessing

my abusers used to make me guess what they were going to do to me. and today one of my friends wanted me to guess something, and i flipped out on him for it. it just set me off. i dont know why stupid little things like this still set me off. i should be over what happened to me. i know it wont ever go away but still cant i just get over it?

I often ask myself the same thing--why can't I just get over it. I try to keep in mind that I have really good days where I do feel...I don't know, I feel whole--not damaged. The bad days are growing further and further apart. I just have to keep working at it.

I also ask myself that same thing...I so wish I had an answer... for me it is always a "smell"... a certain "smell"..
I say to myself.. it is such a little thing... but then another part of me says "but it is an important 'little thing' " reminding me of where I have come from.. to where I am now.. and then.. I stop and say to myself.. I am glad I am here - in the now.. not back in the "there"..