[Zedsdead]

Im really anxious to stay in a shelter. I have social anxiety and living with people is particularly hard for me, nevermind living with strangers.
I am about to tell my abusive partner that im leaving him once and for all. I have waited for him to go away to work, he has no vehicle and is 5 hours away.
I'm unsure of how he will react. He has warned he will chop my head off if i leave, take my kids away, destroy my car etc.. he has threatened multiple things.
I called the womens shelter for advice, and they said they can't really help unless I come to stay there. I cant go look there to ease my fears for safety reasons either.

I know that it will be the safest place for me and my children.. but im terrified of staying there. I'm scared of eating in front of people due to my abuse throughout childhood and my partner and there is a shared kitchen. That alone is enough to make me feel on the verge of a panic attack.
I got off the phone with her yesterday and broke down. I don't know how I'm going to do this..

I want to wait to see if he comes looking for me and then have no choice but to leave to the shelter, but then I worry that i won't be able to make it before he gets to me.

I'm so confused and lost.

I do not have personal experience with women's shelters, but I imagine it is a safer place for you and your children, as opposed to staying at home with someone abusive. Please try to keep in mind that it won't be a permanent thing, just a temporary stay until you can get back on your feet. You are strong for leaving, please keep us posted when you can!

[Trippin2.0]

I would not advise waiting for him to react or show up.

Leave as silently and as suddenly as you can, its the safest option for you and your children.

I learned the hard way, please heed my advice.

[Zedsdead]

Thank you for the advice. Its complicated. I already left once. I came to stay at my parents. There are 4 other adults that live here and I'm usually not alone.
When I left before, i didnt realize the extent of what he was doing and I let him back in when he threatened to kill himself. As the months have gone by, his anger have shone through and I realize now he is unsafe for me and my children.
I really hope to stay here at my parents and not have to leave to a shelter. Im willing to call police if he comes to the house or talk in a violent or threatening manner. Whereas before, i thought I was overreacting and didn't want to involve anybody.
I really want the shelter to be my last resort. I don't feel im in danger yet. Outreach services from the shelter are going to contact me and hopefully I can reach resources to help me and my children get back on our feet.

(TRIGGER)

Im just in a very lonely confusing place right now.. he has never beaten me, but has gotten so angry he has hurt me by slapping, throwing, dragging or kicking. I guess maybe I don't realize the full extent to what he is capable of. His threats seem to come from fear of losing us.

I may call the social workers office in town here, to see if i can get help from anywhere else.

If it comes to it, i know i will go to the shelter. But my panic attacks make it hard for me to do anything. Let alone drive half an hour, alone with my kids to somewhere I'm terrified of going.
It's just hard. I don't think il make it there.

[Monarch Butterfly]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

I would not advise waiting for him to react or show up.

Leave as silently and as suddenly as you can, its the safest option for you and your children.

I learned the hard way, please heed my advice.

I agree with Trippin. The most dangerous time for a woman is when she leaves. The abuser has lost control and becomes angry. It's best you don't tell him your leaving. Leave when he is at work etc.

Gather identification for your kids and yourself. Any important documents too. Careful when packing and hide out of site so he doesn't know.

I understand you feel panicked to be at a shelter. They are understanding and will guide if you tell them how you feel.

I was in an abusive relationship. My abuser broke bones etc. After I left I needed a few surgeries due to the damage he caused.

You are strong and think of the freedom you and your children will have. Nobody deserves to be abused and remember this is not your fault.

[Nammu]

I was given a choice by my T, go IP or go to a shelter. The shelter seemed safer and was. My daughter and I got a room for us alone. I too did not think my situation was that bad...that he even lays a finger on you by slapping you it is bad it will get worse. His threats of violence are bad. You are safer at a shelter than you are at your parents. I wish you the courage to leave and the safety of the shelter.

[mimsies]

Originally Posted by Zedsdead

(TRIGGER)

he has never beaten me, but has gotten so angry he has hurt me by slapping, throwing, dragging or kicking.

So the thing is... That IS beating you. That is exactly what beating is.

You definitely should not try to communicate with him. When a person leaves their abuser is the most dangerous time for them and the people close to them. It is good that you are prepared to call the police, but you also need to be very sure of your safety plan.

Take good care.

[nicoleflynn]

You ARE in danger and your children. I hope you will go to a shelter. Trust me, he won't kill himself......that is emotional blackmail to keep control over you. Narcissists never kill themselves, but they slowly kill the abused.

Women are murdered every day by abusers;please don't be a statistic.

[benzenering]

I will chime in and vote as others have, you need to get you and your children to a safe place immediately...and yes, I have experience. It only gets worse. Please gather the courage to go to the shelter...consider the alternative!

[Zedsdead]

Hi everybody, thank you so much for the replies and advice. I thought I'd give a little update. I left my partner nearly 2 weeks ago and went to the shelter temporarily. We are now applying for family housing and assistance until we are back on our feet. It has been a confusing but relieving journey thus far. I'm hoping everything continues to work out in our favour. I have gotten amazing support from the community we have moved to and am attending a womens abuse group starting may and currently in abuse counseling!

Originally Posted by Zedsdead

Im really anxious to stay in a shelter. I have social anxiety and living with people is particularly hard for me, nevermind living with strangers.
I am about to tell my abusive partner that im leaving him once and for all. I have waited for him to go away to work, he has no vehicle and is 5 hours away.
I'm unsure of how he will react. He has warned he will chop my head off if i leave, take my kids away, destroy my car etc.. he has threatened multiple things.
I called the womens shelter for advice, and they said they can't really help unless I come to stay there. I cant go look there to ease my fears for safety reasons either.

I know that it will be the safest place for me and my children.. but im terrified of staying there. I'm scared of eating in front of people due to my abuse throughout childhood and my partner and there is a shared kitchen. That alone is enough to make me feel on the verge of a panic attack.
I got off the phone with her yesterday and broke down. I don't know how I'm going to do this..

I want to wait to see if he comes looking for me and then have no choice but to leave to the shelter, but then I worry that i won't be able to make it before he gets to me.

I'm so confused and lost.

Been in that situation 13 years ago. I'm glad you're doing well. You made the right decision. Please do not let this man know where you are staying. Wish you all the best!