[whiteymswcuts]

Does anyone sexually abuse themselves over and over again??? I was a victim of incest as a child. I feel like i am destroying my body with this excessive masterbation and mutilation. It feels so good to feel the pain!!

[Mouse_]

yup, but its gotten less with therapy.

[pachyderm]

> It feels so good to feel the pain!!

Maybe that's because you can control when it happens, instead of never knowing...

[mtd]

I worry that you are mainly reliving your past and are stuck in your pain. It's like you're trying to make sense of it. It won't make sense. You deserve to treat yourself better and work towards healing. Abusing yourself this way might numb the pain, but it will not heal it. It will get worse if you don't get help.

Are you currently in therapy, support groups, or an addiction program? If not, I urge you to look into these options. You deserve a better life than the one you are currently living.

be well,

mtd

[DePressMe]

I sometimes fantasize about sexual things that involve pain, but I never carry them out. These fantasies are related to my sexual abuse. Therapy has really helped me deal with it.

[altonwoodsdrphil]

all I know about sexual abuse or any abuse for that matter is that the victims have a tendency to "pass it on" to their children or spouse...is there anyone for you to pass it on to? if not, could you be acting that out with yourself? if so, can you put yourself in the role of the rescuer you never had? seems as though you've got me wondering too...be well

[Fuzzybear]

"It's like you're trying to make sense of it"


Thinking of you,
Fuzzy

Alton - Of course, you are trying to help....but....

most of us actually "have a tendency" to be hypervigilent with our children....we don't offend againt them.

Campy

gosh campanuala I'm so glad you said that, my blood ran cold, hot, cold, no no no you are so wrong about the abused going on to abuse their children....is that what you meant? or did you mean we take it out in other ways like aggression to our partners or something? Please do not ever say that to a sexually abused survivor, I have made DAMNED SURE my children were NEVER EVER put in a position where they could be in danger. My daughter was never even allowed to have guitar lessons with a man at school alone!!

My therapist said the same, we OVER compensate.,,,,,,,deep breaths Jin (((((((((breathing)))))sorry, this kind of attitude really upsets me as I strive so so hard to give my children the love and support and protection I never had.

Jin

((((((((((whitey))))))))

Are you seeing a therapist at all? You need to talk these feelings over with a qualified proffessional who can help you with this. I wish you all the best hun, sending gentle hugs if that's ok, pm me anytime, I have been through childhood abuse and just started therapy, it is helping me.

love, Jinny xoxoxoxo

[whiteymswcuts]

Thank You to everyone who has replied. I was afraid I was not going to get any feedback because it is such a depraved act. Im glad that I received support from all of you , I was expecting to be ridiculed for what Im doing because Im so ashamed of myself. Yes, I am in therapy and have been for a long time. This behavior is somewhat new (about 1 1/2 years.) Im 35 yrs old. I have so many issues, Im just so overwhelmed. The scary thing is that I feel like Im getting worse as I get older instead of better. Its getting harder and harder and I'm getting weaker and weaker. Thanks for the hugs!!

Who I am Hates who Ive Been.

[Perna]

There are a significant number of negative short-term effects of sexual abuse that impact a child’s functioning. The most commonly experienced effect of sexual abuse is posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Posttraumatic stress disorder is a clinical syndrome whose symptoms fall into three clusters: reenactment of the traumatic event; avoidance of cues associated with the event or general withdrawal; and physiological hyper-reactivity. [my bolding] A recent review article suggested over 50% of sexually abused children meet at least partial criteria of PTSD and another study suggested a third of all sexually abused children develop full diagnostic criteria. If not effectively addressed, PTSD can become a chronic problem affecting the child well into adulthood. The development of sexualized behavior, also called sexually reactive behavior, is another common negative short-term effect of sexual abuse. Children who have been sexually abused engage in more sexualized behavior when compared to children who are not victims of sexual abuse, and when compared to clinical samples of children with other mental health issues. A recent report suggested that about a third of children who have been sexually abused subsequently manifest this symptom. Additionally, a third or more of child victims of sexual abuse report depression and anxiety. Other frequently occurring symptoms include promiscuity (38%), general behavior problems (30%), poor self-esteem (35%), and disruptive behavior disorders (23%). In some important recent research conducted, in part, by the Centers for Disease Control, risk for health problems in adult life including heart disease were increased by adverse childhood events, including sexual abuse.

From: http://www.childtrauma.org/CTAMATERI...xual_abuse.asp

Are you in therapy? Sometimes it takes many years to get to a point where you want to/need to talk about it. Maybe you are there?

Campy

[Soidhonia]

Hello and welcome to Psych Central. I am glad that you have found a place to talk about the issues you are having at this time. There is also chat at different times s well if you need someone to talk to in person. since you are getting concerned about your issues therapy is available to help you as well. Take care and good day. Soidhonia