Saturday night I almost made it. Drunk again(my husband not me), we got in an argument-- he dared me to throw things and break them like he does-- I did it once(a while ago) and I'll not do that again. I'm a quiet, withdrawn one that shakes inside and out when people get physical-- that one time I threw things-- I literally scared myself...... oops-- getting off track...

well, we yelled at each other-- he dared me to throw things and got in my face-- telling me I'm flawed--- I.... I .... felt the tension rise from my stomach to my head-- I had to get out.
For the first time, I grabbed a bag and got some over-night things together and left. cept..... I had nowhere to go(I literally havn't a single friend).... had no money and knew if I used the debit card at a motel he'd see it right away on the internet(he's always kept track hourly of our account)-- and then he'd know where I was....... so I cried in a store parking lot and then went back home.

I almost did it though-- a big step for me.

mandy

Next time, you probably can use your debit card to get cash to pay for a room. They will only use your card to save the room in case of incidentals. Hope you take care of yourself. You have more power than you think.

[recluse1]

((((((((mandyfins)))))))) i breaks my heart to see anyone that has to live in fear and feel there is nowhere to turn.

((((((mandyfins)))))

so sorry you went through this, I hear you. done this myself, only he followed me cos we had 2 cars.

once I ended up at the local pub and the police were called.
when I tried to od once i ended up in hospital I didn't want to go home cos I knew he'd start.

He woke the kids up shouting I'm a selfish *****, slag, ***** - you name it. I wish'ed I had finished it off....

Please try and get outta there, pm me anytime because I care, I will talk to you. noone knows about this side of my life, the bullying etc except the kids of course.

I can give advice but not practice what I preach. I hear you, you are not alone.

know I am here please pm me

metime

[silver_queen]

((((((((((( mandy )))))))))))

yes, I had thought about getting cash with the debit card-- it's just I worry about being at those machines alone when it's dark. ........ the hypervigilence can be an obstacle sometimes.(trauma regarding guns twice in my childhood and then just last year)

Thanks for your support esthersvirtue-- you're so very kind.

mandy

((((((mandyfins)))))) Hang in there and take the steps as u are ready. You have our support.

thanks recluse. I appreciate your support.

Some would say the fact I have nowhere to turn is my own fault-- I'm very private and struggle to trust. I give to others but consider myself weak and vulnerable if I'm in need. funny how that is-- coz I'd never think that way about anyone else.

thanks again

mandy

I'm so sorry for all you went through metime.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
noone knows about this side of my life, the bullying etc except the kids of course.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> yep, the same with me. not even family-- in fact my in-laws think he's the best guy any woman could ever ask for. I've talked to his mother and she just excuses everything that he does-- he's wonderful and I should be grateful.

It's even hard for me to post this, as I fear I'll look bad because, afterall, I chose to marry him-- kind of like, I made my bed so I should sleep in it.......

I hope that things have improved for you immensely-- have they? You can PM me about it if you feel more comfortable that way.

Thanks for your support.

mandy

[pachyderm]

thank you silver_queen.

Your support is much appreciated.

mandy

NO one-- not a single soul IRL-- know about all this going on. My husband and I guess myself too-- put on a pretty good show when others are around. ugh.... seems awfully familiar..... (just how it was when I was growing up )-- "oh everything is great and fine"....

I don't know how to thank you all for your replies/support-- I don't reach out IRL so this means so very much to me.

Thank you all.

mandy

[Fuzzybear]

thank you very much Fuzzy.

mandy

[mtd]

Where I am, there are shelters and programs for abused spouses. Is that an option where you are?

I feel horrible for what you are going through.

mtd

thank you for your reply. , it's much appreciated.

As far as shelters-- it is a good idea, however my situation is odd-- I'll PM you -- hope that's OK.

thank you again.

mandy

I understand... at a very personal level... I am so sorry that you are in that position..