Does Anyone Else Feel a Strong Need to Fight Back Against Their Abuser??

Awwww.... thank you ssoo much!

Yea, same here. I wish so badly I could tell him off, tell him where to go and confront him on everything he's done, but it would be a complete waste of time and would only bring on more abuse and more hurtful words. There's just no point. At least I am now working full time again and have other things to focus on besides the pain he inflicted upon me. Time will heal.......

Sorry about the abuse. Are you in therapy? It might help you to have someone to talk this through with.

Forever.....

Yes, I have a therapist and we're talking about it.

Do whatever the situation calls for to fight back. Abusers will just continue to abuse others if you do nothing/say nothing. Speak up!

I agree with this and typically have fought back in the past. There's one in particular I may hear from again. I've been debating about how I would reply IF I did hear from him, and IF I would even reply.

That strong need to fight back is possibly PTSD. For me it manifests into emotional dysregulation. I start to tell the abuser how much they hurt me (fighting back), they NEVER show empathy or compassion, so my emotions blow up into a crying fit (then comes SH). This is my trigger, it’s been a pattern, yours is probably different. It all goes back to early childhood trauma and the same situation has happened over and over. It just happened again this week. I now see it so clearly for what it is. Maybe now I can stop it!

Your ex used and abused you and there’s nothing you can say or do to get him to show remorse. The DBT workbook radical acceptance is something good for you to read.

That’s what I’m doing.

As for exes who used and abused me in the past, I got over them in time. The anger went away on its own. Occasionally I recall the incident and a twinge of anger and pain comes back, but only for a moment. Nothing good became of any of the bad guys and that’s comforting to me.

I agree with this ... they will continue to abuse others if nothing is said/done about their abuse. Which.. naturally.. they completely disown. Even an apology.. no.. they will never apologise or have remorse.

What I do is I end up name calling and telling them what a freaking A-hole they are and with swear words and any bad name I can think of. Then I cut them off entirely, or continue the blowout fight (past I'm talking about). Now, all I would do is simply say "you're a total monster, go away and never contact me again.". LOL.

But I hear you!!!! They never do own up to anything, OR show remorse OR empathy. It's like trying to get blood from a rock, saying that they've hurt you.

They may not show empathy, remorse or apologize BUT seeing them arrested and sent to jail would give them a different perspective.

That is one effective way to fight back when the abuse was illegal.

((TishaBuv)) Thanks!! Umm...and how is abuse ever considered legal?

Verbal and emotional abuse is not illegal.

In France, verbal abuse is illegal; we are so behind the times.

Liability for Abusive or Insulting Language | LegalMatch Law Library

Interesting information about the legal ramifications of abuse.

This made me crack up, that's awesome! Judge Judy would do a good job too, lol!

I’m growing BIG and FAT. I’m looking forward to meeting these idiots again.

I doubt if they will be happy to meet me

Well, I fought back by not calling. They haven’t called me either. Now I am really estranged from my family.

With all I read about toxic people, everything says to go no contact. So that’s what happened. They will say I am the toxic person. Fine.

My emotions are so raw.

I don't necessarily feel like I need to put the abuser in her place, but I do wish that someone, or a higher power would. This is not just for me, but for others as well. I don't want her to create more victims. I feel bad for her next victims.

But I think saying your piece would just feed your abuser's ego. An abuser tends to get somewhat of a sick/ sadistic satisfaction from seeing that his or her abuse had an effect on you. Have you heard of a saying that someone who commits an arson always shows up at the fire scene? I think an abuser could have the same kind of mentality in that he or she wants to see the effect of what he or she did to you. Just focus on being happy and successful for yourself. This will prove that the abuser's attempt to ruin your life was a complete failure.

I was foolishly thinking the same people who caused the trauma were going to be sympathetic to it now!

Makes sense.

Abusers always turn it around on you and blame you for the abuse when it's them. So not fair. They suck. I am sorry you are estranged from your family, but if they are abusive then it's for the best. Yes, no contact is best.