[nikon]

As a child I was really close to my mother - unhealthily close. I always saw my dad as the bad-tempered one. Over the past five years that has changed and I've become very detached from my parents, and I'm not emotionally close to my mom at all. At times now I am seeing her as manipulative, controlling and almost - I don't know - emotionally abusive (towards my dad, although I think as a child I might have experienced some).

Eg: my parents argue a lot, and my mom can latch onto something and pursue it, so that I can now understand why my dad explodes in anger. Like she left towels out for him to dry the dogs after he walked them, and he didn't notice or something. Later he got annoyed because of the towels piled in front of the door. Ok - that's where his annoyance comes first. But then my mom lays into him saying things like "You never say thank you for anything... you're so ungrateful.... why else would I put them there - do you think I'm stupid?"

I used to see my dad as the "bad" one for losing his temper loudly, but now I get really tense when I visit and hear my mom saying these things to him, like just telling him he's bad etc.

As a child I got the silent treatment from my mom at times - the times when I actually needed support the most. It was when I started having intrusive OCD thoughts, and my mom acted like I was doing it on purpose to hurt her.

[nicoleflynn]

That is verbal abuse....the silent treatment is also abuse.

Yes, that is both verbal and emotional abuse. I agree about the silent treatment being a form of abuse as well. It is very manipulative too.

[nikon]

thanks for the feedback
i get really confused about my parents sometimes. i think i was raised to see my dad as "bad" but with some distance i can see he was probably just losing his temper in response to being taunted or verbally harassed. i'm so confused. my mom has told me before that she hates men, which makes me question why the hell she got married in the first place. but i got raised to side with her, i think.

I too have this problem. I daydream a lot and when I am viewing situation from my doc's perspective, I wonder whether or not my mother is worse than my dad. It varies from time to time.

Since you mentioned you developed OCD and your mother, not understanding it is something she probably did, blamed you for trying to "hurt her." I think that it is that both of your parents fighting made you scared as a child, and like me, are still scared. Neurosis (anxiety and depression) is purely environmental it is thought.

You being emotionally detached from your parents is also a response to trauma, although it can be a symptom of various disorders. I suggest you to talk to your GP about seeing a therapist.


I clicked the "Thanks" button so I could thank you for seeking help, online or offline.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by nikon

As a child I was really close to my mother - unhealthily close. I always saw my dad as the bad-tempered one. Over the past five years that has changed and I've become very detached from my parents, and I'm not emotionally close to my mom at all. At times now I am seeing her as manipulative, controlling and almost - I don't know - emotionally abusive (towards my dad, although I think as a child I might have experienced some).

Eg: my parents argue a lot, and my mom can latch onto something and pursue it, so that I can now understand why my dad explodes in anger. Like she left towels out for him to dry the dogs after he walked them, and he didn't notice or something. Later he got annoyed because of the towels piled in front of the door. Ok - that's where his annoyance comes first. But then my mom lays into him saying things like "You never say thank you for anything... you're so ungrateful.... why else would I put them there - do you think I'm stupid?"

I used to see my dad as the "bad" one for losing his temper loudly, but now I get really tense when I visit and hear my mom saying these things to him, like just telling him he's bad etc.

As a child I got the silent treatment from my mom at times - the times when I actually needed support the most. It was when I started having intrusive OCD thoughts, and my mom acted like I was doing it on purpose to hurt her.

I'm sorry that this has happened to you! This is verbal abuse. My mom was the same way.

[nicoleflynn]

Your parents are in an unhealthy relationship/dynamic.....stuck in it; you cannot do anything to help them. The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life; I highly recommend it to you. The silent treatment is a control/abuse issue.