[MtnTime2896]

Does anyone else here deal with self-destructive thoughts and actions after the abuse has stopped?

I feel as though it's what I deserve, to hurt like that. I just wish someone would give me what I've had coming. I know, be careful what you wish for. It just won't get out of my head. I deserve as much pain as I can get.

[IrisBloom]

I don't think it's so much a feeling that you deserve the pain, rather, it is familiar and what is familiar is comforting to us. It is a paradox, yes. I've found that when the abuse or abuser is removed it leaves a void that you now have to fill with something positive. It takes a lot of emotional energy to deal with abuse/abuser, and now there is a blank space. Slipping back into the abused role is comforting in a way because it's what you know. Does this make sense?

I am dealing with this myself right now. I think we can heal from this, it just takes time and patience.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

Does anyone else here deal with self-destructive thoughts and actions after the abuse has stopped?

I feel as though it's what I deserve, to hurt like that. I just wish someone would give me what I've had coming. I know, be careful what you wish for. It just won't get out of my head. I deserve as much pain as I can get.

You don't deserve the pain. That's just the thing. If you were abused in childhood, which I am guessing you were, somehow as a child, we tend to internalize the false belief that we did something to deserve the poor treatment and abuse. And that belief carries into adulthood if not treated by therapy. In no way shape or form did you deserve abuse and in no way shape or form do you deserve to feel so much pain. You have to ingrain that belief into your mind, and change your own internal conditioning.

[Albatross2008]

I also hope someone gives you what you deserve--which is love, understanding, and support.

Everybody makes mistakes. Nobody is perfect. Everybody does wrong. So when we do something wrong--does that give anybody the right to punish us by abusing us? No. Nobody has that right.

[Miss P]

I wish I didn't understand this....my heart hurts for you. I don't know your story, I don't need to, I know you don't deserve any pain, sadness, etc. Please be kind to yourself. I too, am dealing with this myself. Much

[TishaBuv]

I know it’s common to feel this way. It’s survivor’s guilt. There could also be an element of masochism that some people have that causes them to seek out pain.

My mother actually told me that I deserved her abuse (verbal, emotional). My reaction to that was F that. That’s on her, not me. I rebelled.

Be strong for yourself.

[Zedsdead]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

Does anyone else here deal with self-destructive thoughts and actions after the abuse has stopped?

I feel as though it's what I deserve, to hurt like that. I just wish someone would give me what I've had coming. I know, be careful what you wish for. It just won't get out of my head. I deserve as much pain as I can get.

You do not deserve it. No matter what you do or did... or what anybody does for that matter, you do not deserve to be mistreated. An abuser has issues and problems that they extend on to caring and thoughtful people like us, they need to feel better so they reflect any pain they can. If we weren't so empathetic, they wouldn't be able to reach us in the way they do.

Try to think about the here and now. Sit and listen to the silence, listen and feel your breathing. You are a human being, worthy of love and care. When the abuse has stopped, our mind can relax and has time to conjure up all sorts of beliefs that were planted there. I believe it struggles to find logic and sense in the abuse so we tend to turn it inwards and believe it is us.
Shut the mind off for a while.. just feel your body and souls presence and start to really take care of it. Listen to gentle music, take a bath, read your favourite stories.
You deserve love and care. Be the first to show it yourself the rest will follow suit.

[Stone92]

It's very, very common to feel that way after being abused. It's hard to accept that the people around us hurt us for their own reasons, that we didn't deserve it, that we couldn't have deserved it. I still struggle with the fear that I'll be hurt again, and it remains so strong because part of me thinks that if someone hurts me, I must deserve it. I want the world to be logical, I want the abuse to make sense. But it inherently doesn't. That's what makes it so hard.

[Bill3]

You don’t deserve pain.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

Does anyone else here deal with self-destructive thoughts and actions after the abuse has stopped?

I feel as though it's what I deserve, to hurt like that. I just wish someone would give me what I've had coming. I know, be careful what you wish for. It just won't get out of my head. I deserve as much pain as I can get.

I feel like this all the time! You are not alone!

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by IrisBloom

I don't think it's so much a feeling that you deserve the pain, rather, it is familiar and what is familiar is comforting to us. It is a paradox, yes. I've found that when the abuse or abuser is removed it leaves a void that you now have to fill with something positive. It takes a lot of emotional energy to deal with abuse/abuser, and now there is a blank space. Slipping back into the abused role is comforting in a way because it's what you know. Does this make sense?

I am dealing with this myself right now. I think we can heal from this, it just takes time and patience.

That great advice!I wish I had thought about that myself!

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I know it’s common to feel this way. It’s survivor’s guilt. There could also be an element of masochism that some people have that causes them to seek out pain.

My mother actually told me that I deserved her abuse (verbal, emotional). My reaction to that was F that. That’s on her, not me. I rebelled.

Be strong for yourself.

Great advice!

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Zedsdead

You do not deserve it. No matter what you do or did... or what anybody does for that matter, you do not deserve to be mistreated. An abuser has issues and problems that they extend on to caring and thoughtful people like us, they need to feel better so they reflect any pain they can. If we weren't so empathetic, they wouldn't be able to reach us in the way they do.

Try to think about the here and now. Sit and listen to the silence, listen and feel your breathing. You are a human being, worthy of love and care. When the abuse has stopped, our mind can relax and has time to conjure up all sorts of beliefs that were planted there. I believe it struggles to find logic and sense in the abuse so we tend to turn it inwards and believe it is us.
Shut the mind off for a while.. just feel your body and souls presence and start to really take care of it. Listen to gentle music, take a bath, read your favourite stories.
You deserve love and care. Be the first to show it yourself the rest will follow suit.

I completely agree! That great advice! I will keep that in mind!

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Bill3

You don’t deserve pain.

I completely agree!