I hate transit vans..trigger warning

My mum had gone off somewhere. I was 8 years old. It was cold outside, winter but the sun was shining in. The walls were yellow and there was condensation dripping from the walls and ceiling. I had on a thin dress or nightie, can't remember....He started to put his hands on me, I didn't like it so I rolled over. I felt all hot and sticky. I was confused. He wasn't my dad, he had been sleeping with my mum all night, I think he was doing 'things' to her.....
He turned me back over and put his hand inside my dress, I tried to turn over again. He asked me if I didn't love him. He made me feel bad, guilty.
All I remember after that is getting out the front door of the van and running up a hill, I stayed til mum came back, I was freezing cold.

My t says I have disossiative amnesia, he messed with my mind so much, he was a hypnotist and a psychologist. It's all coming back in dribs and drabs, this is my earliest memory of abuse, I think I may have posted this before, sorry if I'm repeating myself......

Jin

Jinny, post your story as many times as you need to. I know I'll end up repeating myself too but I also know that the people here don't mind. They get it. I get it. It helps to write about it.

That said, I'm so sorry Jinny. I'm so, so sorry.

Cyran0

(((((((((((((( jinny )))))))))))))))))

Writing things out can be very helpful. No matter how many times.....do what you need to do to get through the memories.

I'm sitting quietly with you and listening dear one. So are a lot of others here.

Much love & Hugs
sabby

Jin, I am so sorry this happened to you...you did not deserve it. Keep writing about it--it helps to get it out. I also hate the connection of "don't you love me" with abuse, it creates so many conflicted feelings about love. I wish I would have had enough guts to say something like..."hell no I don't love you, you sick pervert."

I am so sorry you had to endure that. I am not sure if I was reading it right, but was your perpetrader a T? I just can't stand sick abusive people. Why do people do such horrible stuff?

he was my mothers lover for many years. many years I had to keep it from my dad, the abuse and the fact mum was sleeping with him in front of me and mum and dads friends.....

He would come to my room after hypnotising my mum, I could hear him coming, I used to pee on my bedroom floor ecause I daren't go to the bathroom. I'd hide under the bed, behind the bed, he'd always find me, mess with my mind (hypnotise)which i swhy I have amnesia. mum knew, she was warned by my perpetrators wife..... she took no notice....

I was left at weekends to mix with 15/16/17 year olds when I was 8/9/10 onwards, listening to street talk, watching them performing sexual acts on each other, in a 'den' in 'his' back yard. Loud music, drink, drugs, what kind of mother would do that.......

We used to go swimming every weekend and he would swim underwater and grope me, make me swim under his legs making sure I 'touched' him,,,,,,

I cant go on, fel sick......

Jin xxxx

(((jinnyann))) I am so sorry. THere is so many things wrong with this, and none of it was your fault. I just understand how people (if you can them that) can do such horrid things. I could understand you never wanting to see a T,