Does she not have ears?

I recently spoke to my mother about how I felt (recently being last night) I told her about how having to bear her load stresses me out and how I don't mind her talking to me, bu expecting me to carry all her burdens is just ridiculous. She apologized and said she would try to be a good mother... but immediatly returned to making me her emotional dumping site. I don't understand. She's not old enough to have forgotten. Why won't she listen to me?

Life is not a fairy tale

Maybe she is unwilling to see that what she is doing is wrong because she gets something from unloading on you. Personally I think that it is an improper boundry issue. When a parent uses a child in this way it is switching the parent child role. It is totally unfair to the child. It makes them into the nurturer instead of being the nutured. I think that part of my problem with my mom is that she feels she has to tell me all sorts of stuff about what is going on with my dad and his depression and identity crisis and their marriage and my grandma and what ever because "it is important that I know these things". This is garbage. I don't need to know that my dad thought he might be gay. I don't need to know that my grandma is a ***** toward my sister. These things have nothing to do with the relationship I have with my dad and my grandmother. It only serves to make my mom seem the victim and I should side with her. I don't need this stuff. So when my parents come to visit I spend the time waiting for another serious talk about something I really really do not want to know. I think it is wrong. Unfortunately I have no idea how to make a stop. So I am not much help, just wanted you to know that I think it is bull since I am in the middle of the same pile of....
Zen

<font color=green>You live, you learn. You love, you learn. You cry, you learn. You lose, you learn. You bleed, you learn. You scream, you learn.--Alanis Morissette

"important that I know these things" Wow did that bring back memories. My mother has serious boundary issues to and I know more about my father and my parents marriage than any child should know.
They don't see what they do or say and I dont know why. It has taken me years to get to a place where I can deal with my mom. First I avoided her all I could but that only made it worse because when I was around she had alot saved up for me. Then I started getting angry. Tired of the crap. I told her how I felt but she didnt get it. I dont get that. Most of my brothers avoid her so as not to deal with her but I pride myself in learning how to actually deal with her. It isn't easy. I decided what my boundaries were. What I was willing to listen to and to talk about. Then when she crossed those boundaries I told her that I didn't want to know, that I am her daughter and I dont need to know that. Whats between you and dad is not something I should have to deal with as I am your daughter, go talk to a friend. She persisted in crossng the line but the harder she pushed the firmer I stood. There are times when I have told my mother to shut up which I am not proud of but sometimes it is the only way to make her stop. Over the years it has gottne better. She talks about my dad but I dont respond and when I dont respond she will most of the time give up.
I dont know if this helps but this is what I have done. It's not easy and it really isnt fair to you. I have had to accept that my mother will not change but I can change the way I react and choose how I handle it.
Heidu

Oh how I wish I could make her shut up. I am not at all good at defending my bounderies when it comes to her. Ah heck I might as well admit it, I am terrible at defending my bounderies with anyone. It is something I really must work on. I would love to say to her "I really don't want to hear this mom." Just the thought of it turns my stomach though.
Zen

<font color=green>You live, you learn. You love, you learn. You cry, you learn. You lose, you learn. You bleed, you learn. You scream, you learn.--Alanis Morissette

You only have to get the courage to say it once. After that it becomes easier to say and also your mom will know whether she cares or not that she is no longer allowed to talk about whatever she wants regardless of how it makes you feel.
Just try once.
Heidu

I don't have any advice or answers for you, but I wanted to applaud you for having the courage to speak up for yourself and say what was on your mind. By the time I got up the gumption to do that with my Mother I don't know if I thought she was too far along to be able to handle it, or maybe it just didn't matter to me anymore, but now I wish I had.

Even if it seems like it didn't do any good, you can bet she knows how you feel. Don't hesitate to give her another *reminder* if you need to...

bp

"A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart."

It's slightly comforting to come to my post and see that I've had several responses. Thanks for taking the time to respond to my issue. But the other part, the not "slightly comforted" part is sad that mothers can be like that. Of course, I'm sure as most have you may have predicted... it didn't exactly work. Me telling my mother. She's still driving me crazy, but I'm pushing.

Life is not a fairy tale