[lauren_helene]

For those of you who are in therapy for sexual abuse, have any of your therapists said the following when asked the question of why I might've stayed with a sexually abusive boyfriend:

Sometimes women do sexual things and think about it later as abuse. Now, I will say that I did stay in this relationship and others but I know what is abuse and what isn't. I do feel a lot of shame and humiliation and he has been trying to get me to feel less of that and not blame myself.

Now I feel very wounded but I'm wondering did he say that so that I could think for myself what the difference is? I am not finding the therapeutic benefit of this.

He has never ever wounded me like this before. He saw I was upset and said he didn't mean to imply I liked it and apologized but I'm having a hard time figuring this out.

Can anyone shed some light on how this might be helpful?

[Cthomas]

Maybe hes trying to get you to see the pattern that develops with survivors of abuse. the repeated pattern of sticking with abusers. that is probably what hes doing. trying to get you to see the signs. because deep down you know and he knows you do NOT deserve more abuse.

Make sense. Hope this helps. PM me anytime you need to chat. im here and listening. I care!

Take care of YOU,
colleen

perhaps its not important if it was "abuse" rather than if you didnt know you had the tools to say no or change course. Maybe he wants you to see that you have and had the tools to get out, which can be empowering. I've heard my T say the less you currently see yourself as a victim, the more healthy you will become and setting boundaries and keeping yourself. Now maybe you really didnt have the ability to keep yourself safe. I dont know your situation. I'm just sharing how my T sees things.

[lauren_helene]

Thanks so much! I had a session with him yesterday and will again tonight. I was too hard on him yesterday and feel bad.

I was like I think you went on vacation and lost your mind! How he puts up with me I'll never know....thanks!!