[BLUIENAVYGIRLIE]

Hello
I am new to this forum
I was sexually molested at age 7 for a few days.
The effect of it was terrible.
I have researched that high percent of those whom have been sexually abused tends to avoid realtionship, etc...
I am not one of them because I am the total opposite.
I have tried looking for self help books that apply to my situation but only found many that apply for those who avoids realtionship..
Fortunately I have found only a few that apply to my situation...

That makes me feel like I am the only one who has the total opposite of effect than others...

Cassie

[mtd]

Hello and welcome,

I was 7 too when my childhood was taken from me.

I believe that as survivors we share a lot in the aftermath of abuse, but we can have many differences as well. What matters though is that we can relate to each other for a common struggle and provide support that we all need.

I may be reading into your post incorrectly, but I am getting the impression that you are not happy despite the relationships that you do have, while many of us do isolate.

In my experience, I have had many acquaintances, but few people I trusted enough to really open up, show my real self and accept them into my life. Only superficially then did I have relationships with others. Is that your experience also? or is something else going on that you need some help with? If you share a bit more, I will try to help.

Again, welcome.

be well,

mtd

[BLUIENAVYGIRLIE]

Well...
I was definitely not happy with previous relationships because they don't represent true love.
I have had a lot of confusions between sexual relationships and true love
I do currently have a husband but the habits linger & I try to break them because I want to stay loyal to my husband
I am happy to be with my husband
I am still sometimes confused between sex and true love but slowly getting some understanding...

[50guy]

Hi, welcome. This is a safe place.
I was a victim at age 9-11. Recovery is not easy but, a lot of us here have done it. Sometimes we are still a bit angry over it but, we move on...as we all must move on.

((((((bluienavygirly)))))))

I was abuse from 8-15 sexually....I may have some of the same problems as you, now in therapy......pm me if you like, I will talk or listen to you. Dont suffer alond

take care....Jinnyann xxxxxxxxxxxx

[Cyran0]

Blu, welcome. I'm so sorry that happened to you and that you're still feeling the effects.

Abuse survivors have a wide range of reactions to the sexual trauma. It's true, some avoid relationships but not all. Some are promiscuous, some are relationship dependent, some are dependent on physical affection, some have difficulties making relationships work, some are prone to setting themselves up to repeat their victimization inside new relationships, and some become abusers themselves. The point is, we're all different and react in unique ways. Whatever your reaction, it's important to get help and work past these issues so that you can have healthy relationships in your life.

I'm glad you're here and I hope the site is useful to you.

Cyran0

[mtd]

Hello again, and thanks for sharing some more information. It helps me understand better where you are. Some of what follows can be triggering, so please be safe.

I can relate to the confusion and struggle you have described. My sense of it is that, at the time of your abuse, you internalized some false lessons about yourself and how you relate to others (perhaps that you were not worthy of love from one person, or not for too long, or not without conditions). Abuse in itself, and abusers on purpose, can do these things. It's kind of the opposite of children who have only positive, nurturing experiences. They learn healthy views of themselves and relationships and carry those lessons into adulthood. Abused children learn other things -- distorted lessons about ourselves and others -- that we carry into adulthood. In recovery, we then have to work deliberately to unlearn those lessons and teach ourselves new healthier lessons.

You may want to start looking at this by making a list of what you believe abuse taught you about yourself and about others. Look at it from a child's viewpoint. It's a bit hard to do, because you have to put logic aside for a few minutes to do this. But be very candid and don't filter out anything that you feel ashamed of or feel is "wrong". Try to just write your list without thinking to much about it, focus on the feelings. The list must honestly reflect where you have been, or it won't work.

If it helps, here's a few things from my list. You may or may not relate to these things. 1. that I have to hide my body. 2. I am not allowed to be angry. 3. People will use me. 4. I can't be vulnerable. 5. I am damaged.

There were about 39 things on my list. Once the list is done, it can then be a powerful place to work from for yourself individually and with a therapist (which I recommend for this one). It can give you a kind of roadmap to see where you must go to create new, healing lessons for yourself. You can also share your list here, but I would recommend taking one or two items at a time so that you do not overwhelm yourself. And the list takes some introspection, so you will probably need to sit down to it a few times over a few days.

I hope this helps.

be well,

mtd

[Cyran0]

[DePressMe]

BLUIENAVYGIRLIE, I struggle with being intimate--although I "know" sex is not the answer, sometimes, it feels like the only way I can really intimately connect with another person. I can't say that I have many answers for you--this is something I am working on right now. Overall, I think I am confused about love--what is true love--what is infatuation and how does sex fit into the picture? I know, without a doubt, my abuse has kinda warped my feelings and mind when it comes to all this...I am going to continue to work on it and keep trying to come to an understanding that I can live with.