[DePressMe]

Tonight, I showered and went to bed. It felt so good to lie down and snuggle under the blankets—nice and warm and soft. Just as I about to doze off a thought came into my mind. A scene really—one specific night of abuse. The beatings were bad enough but the sexual abuse screws with my mind. My mind is reeling. I feel dirty, wrong, violated. It all is so freaking real. Tonight I have been reliving it—time after time after time. It just keeps replaying through my head. I can feel it. I can hear it. I don’t think I can make it another night without sleep…I am just so tired. All I want to do is go to sleep but my brain is not shutting off. I just can’t stand another night without sleep.

depress me, Pm me if you need to chat in the room. Maybe you can use some grounding techniques. I'm so sorry for what you had to endure.

[mtd]

DePressMe,

I know how you are feeling. It's overwhelming and exhausting. I have been there and I am sorry you are there too. At times like this, it has helped me to really focus on the present, reminding myself that the past is in the past, and that it is now time to heal. And it has helped to find someway to express what is racing through my mind. Sometimes I draw pictures of it. Other times I write it down in a journal. Anything that helps put it on paper, so I can run my hands over it, and feel that it is part of my past only. These things help me move back into my present, so I can safely confront the past.

Hope these thoughts help.

be well,

mtd

[Kiya]

I'm sorry! =( I hope you're ok out there.

[DePressMe]

It feels very good to get such wonderful support from all you...Although I got very little sleep last night, this morning I am in pretty good spirits. I see my T tonight, so hopefully that will help.

I know this may sound a bit strange, but last night I fantasized to help take my minds off the bad thoughts. I fantasized about fixing coffee and cooking breakfast for a person that I love...I included all the little details like putting icing on the rolls and grinding the coffee beans...laying out the news paper, pouring the orange juice. It helped.

But, now, I need to survive a day at work on very little sleep. I know I can do it--I have done it before--it's just not much fun.

thanks for being here.

[GoodMama]

<font color="#000088">I know this may sound a bit strange, but last night I fantasized to help take my minds off the bad thoughts. I fantasized about fixing coffee and cooking breakfast for a person that I love...I included all the little details like putting icing on the rolls and grinding the coffee beans...laying out the news paper, pouring the orange juice. It helped.
</font>

What a great idea, De! I wonder if you realize how strong you are to dream it up, let alone be able to DO this? Amazing and awesome ... yet I'm learning that you probably don't even see it? I DO! And I'm going to borrow your idea tonight!

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! <u>Your</u> strength is going to help me stay strong! I'll include you in my prayers tonight, De, and God willing, we'll <u>both</u> sleep tonight!

GoodMama

PS ... My best sleep is from around 5am to 8am. It's when our body's natural endorphins (pain killers) are at their peak. Now if your work only started at 10 ........

[chaotic13]

DePressedMe,
Sorry to hear you are reliving your trauma. I've been having a string of these nights as well. I hope your T session and fantasizing technique are helping.

[Cyran0]

D, sorry I'm a bit late on this thread. How are things going?

Cyran0

[Kiya]

we could be having tea parties at night... cooking parties since we're all awake. I'll try to find you out in the ether and I'll bring ...what can i bring? I really wanted enchladas earlier. Now i want pizza.
Or some good dreams your way like the one you thought of earlier.
(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
kiya

[DePressMe]

Thanks everybody!

I am doing much better. Last night was a good night of sleep. I feel so much better when I sleep. And yet, it is 3 AM and I am still not asleep...i guess I can always sleep tomorrow...right?

But, really, my thoughts have calmed down and I am feeling better.

thanks again--you guys are wonderful!

[dkwynn]

DePressMe:

Glad you are doing better, know about that up all night thing, I am up all night most of the time too, but now I have a place here to hang out all night and see how everyone is doing. Hope you continue to do pretty good. See ya around.

Sure wish I took typing in school, half the time can't find the right key, Swear it has moved .