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  #1  
Old Jan 25, 2008, 02:39 AM
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Christina86 Christina86 is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
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Remembered more. Remembered what we were watching when he did it. Remembered what he used to watch. So difficult. So hard to realize anything positive... why will it always be my fault? intellectually, I'm losing out... I know what should be true, but maybe it is not.

It wont stop playing in my head. It wasnt rape. It wasnt that bad. It was something I deserved. Now I'll never be able to forget. I wish I wish I hadnt remembered.

More dissociating for me so no more writing.
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  #2  
Old Jan 25, 2008, 04:23 AM
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sujunew sujunew is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2006
Posts: 941
((((((((((christina))))))))))
You must believe that you did NOT deserve it, that it was NOT your fault. I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time with your memories but please don't blame yourself. No matter what, IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. I know that you know this really, you need to reaffirm it within yourself. Please take care of yourself.
No more memories, please. No more memories, please. No more memories, please. No more memories, please. No more memories, please.
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  #3  
Old Jan 25, 2008, 07:45 AM
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DePressMe DePressMe is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2007
Location: Indiana
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It was not your fault and you did not deserve it! I know it is easier to say that than it is to believe it. Sometimes, I still have problems truly believing I did not somehow deserve it...but, I know and most days believe, I was innocent. I was abused and raped. Sometimes, I did not even try to fight it--I just let it happen--those are the moments I question the most. But, he had broken me, used me...he knew he was raping me. He was a sick #@(&(#. It was not your fault and you did not deserve it. Disassociation is tough to manage. Take your time, go slow...do you have some grounding techniques?
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  #4  
Old Jan 25, 2008, 08:52 AM
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Cthomas Cthomas is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2007
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,746
You are so right. we do need to keep in better contact. I hope you know im still here for you. been in and out of the boards but here today friend. you never deserve bad things remember that.

Im here...email me. ok?

Colleen
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lets pretend its tomorrow...ok?
  #5  
Old Jan 25, 2008, 11:33 AM
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Kiya Kiya is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2007
Location: Out of my mind...back in 5 min.
Posts: 10,370
no one should ever do stuff to us. period. thems who do are bad peopel and thems to blame alwsyas.
owlet
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  #6  
Old Feb 01, 2008, 02:51 AM
Christina86's Avatar
Christina86 Christina86 is offline
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Location: Ontario, Canada
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(((((everyone)))))))))) completely forgot I made this post. No more memories, please. I must not have done it in a good emotional headspace to forget that I made it!

DePressMe, no I don't have any grounding techniques. Do you have any recommendations?

Colleen, will email you now.

Love you all ... thanks.
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