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#1
Jan 25, 2008, 02:39 AM
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Remembered more. Remembered what we were watching when he did it. Remembered what he used to watch. So difficult. So hard to realize anything positive... why will it always be my fault? intellectually, I'm losing out... I know what should be true, but maybe it is not.
It wont stop playing in my head. It wasnt rape. It wasnt that bad. It was something I deserved. Now I'll never be able to forget. I wish I wish I hadnt remembered. More dissociating for me so no more writing.
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#2
Jan 25, 2008, 04:23 AM
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((((((((((christina))))))))))
You must believe that you did NOT deserve it, that it was NOT your fault. I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time with your memories but please don't blame yourself. No matter what, IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. I know that you know this really, you need to reaffirm it within yourself. Please take care of yourself. 
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I know that behind every grey cloud there is a silver lining; I just need to be patient enough to find it!!! |
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#3
Jan 25, 2008, 07:45 AM
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It was not your fault and you did not deserve it! I know it is easier to say that than it is to believe it. Sometimes, I still have problems truly believing I did not somehow deserve it...but, I know and most days believe, I was innocent. I was abused and raped. Sometimes, I did not even try to fight it--I just let it happen--those are the moments I question the most. But, he had broken me, used me...he knew he was raping me. He was a sick #@(&(#. It was not your fault and you did not deserve it. Disassociation is tough to manage. Take your time, go slow...do you have some grounding techniques?
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You don't have to fly straight...  ...just keep it between the lines!
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#4
Jan 25, 2008, 08:52 AM
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You are so right. we do need to keep in better contact. I hope you know im still here for you. been in and out of the boards but here today friend. you never deserve bad things remember that.
Im here...email me. ok? Colleen
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Tomorrow always has the potential to be better than today. lets pretend its tomorrow...ok? |
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#5
Jan 25, 2008, 11:33 AM
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no one should ever do stuff to us. period. thems who do are bad peopel and thems to blame alwsyas.
owlet
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Credits: ChildlikeEmpress and Pseudonym for this lovely image.   alt="Universal Life Church | ULC" border="0">
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#6
Feb 01, 2008, 02:51 AM
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(((((everyone)))))))))) completely forgot I made this post.
 I must not have done it in a good emotional headspace to forget that I made it!DePressMe, no I don't have any grounding techniques. Do you have any recommendations? Colleen, will email you now. Love you all ... thanks.
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