[SweetSunshine]

Hi, I am new here. I was sexually abused from the age of 8-12 by my half brother. I have been in therapy for 14 months now. I have not been able to find the courage to confront my abuser. Although I wish I could. I am trying to get to that point. I guess most of all, I am just trying to get past this like anyone else , and figure out what I am made of, and how to be the real me. Sometimes I think I am getting there and then I have this huge setback.And I have trouble dealing with those setbacks. I have been through mosto f my memories as far as I know. my real issues lie within me that I have no confidence in myself, my choices or outlook on life.I guess that is it for now. Look forward to hearing from others here.

Thanks,
T2bme

[(JD)]

Welcome to a great place!

What a terrible thing you have been through! It's good to hear you are in therapy. IMHO I wouldn't push having to confront your abuser... that might not be the best end goal. If it is, it can wait till you are really ready and that might be longer away than you know.

There are plenty of understanding members here, who will share their stories too, and help you as you travel your path...


<font color=green> ...slip sliding away... slip sliding away....

[Butterfly_Faerie]

Welcome

<font color=red>~</font color=red><font color=blue>S</font color=blue><font color=green>u</font color=green><font color=blue>n</font color=blue><font color=green>d</font color=green><font color=blue>a</font color=blue><font color=green>n</font color=green><font color=blue>c</font color=blue><font color=green>e</font color=green><font color=red>~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

[shakes]

Welcome to the forums!!

Jessica

<font color=blue>The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain</font color=blue>
~Seether and Amy Lee

[SweetSunshine]

Thanks everyone for your welcomes. Its so reassuring to know that others are reaching out to you. It means alot to me. I went to therapy today , it was kinda difficult because I had a hard weekend here. I didn't want to live because of something that happened to me. I have had a few episodes like that the past few months, not feeling like I have much to look forward to.But a couple of my friends and my husband helped me see that little light at the end of the tunnel and I think I am on the right track again. At least I hope so. I had told my T about my weekend. He keeps encouraging me to use the hotline but I just feel funny about doing that. Something about I dont feel comfortablespeaking about this happening , like I am ashamed of it. He is getting more and more worried about me cause each time I try, I take an extra step towards it. He wanted me to promise that I would tell myself to say if this is what I want wait till tomorrow, and keep doing that till I hopefully lose the thought. I told him I would try, but no promises, cause I will not make a promise I cannot keep. Why is it that I try so hard to shut myself down from others when I feel this way? The only thing I can come up with is that I want to keep them from my hurting them. I dont' try to but when I shut down like that I do tend to say hurtful things. It gets scarey for all involved I think..Well I guess that is it for now. Take care all~ T2bme

[mandala]

I think isolating yourself from others so that they can't hurt you is a very good reason -- you are obviously trying to protect yourself and keep yourself safe.

Maybe you could thanks and acknowledge that that is your intention -- to keep you safe -- and explain to yourself that there are other ways of being unsafe -- like hurting yourself. Explain to yourself that you don't deserve to be hurt (even though it may feel that way) and that you are a worthy and valuable person.

I also had one t who had me write a list of reasons to "wake up tomorrow" for when I was feeling bad -- I could go read it.

M

[ivonne]

Hi trying2bme.
Just a thought: are you on (or off) any medication that may be causing you to be instable?
Another thought: Think of your therapist as your hired help. You pay him to care and you pay him to be there on that hotline for you.
It sounds like you got some great friends out there and a husband who loves you. You would hurt them most by not letting them help you. So worry a little less about hurting them and a little more about getting through the hard times.
Love always,
Ivonne

[gloria]

Welcome!
Kudos for being in therapy, up to a good start.
Keep on talking to us, we care and will listen every time you need to talk.

Take care.

gab

[SweetSunshine]

Mandala,Gloria and Ivonne,

Thank you all for your encouragement. I do appreciate it. I think I may take the suggestion of writing the letter or list to myself to give myself reasons to live.Although at this point I am having a hard time coming up with any, I still will try. I just hope someday I will get out of this slump for good. Cause I just hate being here.I am on meds and stuff, for depression and anxiety. The last time I went to the doctor,he wanted me to double my antidepressant.I did feel better so then I thought I could handle just one again,but now I think I need two again! Well I Better get going here. Iam a caregiver for my dad, and his cousins are comng down today and we are going out to eat. with them.Big day ahead. I have to come home then and do some peaches up yet..I love peaches,but I am tired of putting them up! LOL. See I still have some sense of humor in there yet.Takcare all.

T2bme