I honestly have no idea why I am posting this.. normally I avoid this forum like the plague, but there is just something that has really been getting to me lately. But, now that I am actually here, posting in this forum for God knows what reason I keep stairing at the title of the forum "survivors of abuse" what would make me a survior.. what if I am really falling apart on the inside? What if I have so many doubts about the reasons everything happened the way it happened. I question if what i really went through justifies me posting here because quite frankly, I dont feel like a survior.. I just feel confused and these past few weeks its all thats been on my mind...

((((((Court_Knee)))))))

be gentle with yourself.

[SweetSunshine]

((((((((( Court Knee)))))))))) In time .. you will be able to tell us. Just give yourself understanding. We will be here for you when your able to talk. Be gentle with yourself.

Hugz
Beth

[Rhapsody]

<font color="purple"> ((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS )))))))

Just being here makes YOU a SURVIVOR in my book.... </font>

[cajun]

If you are still breathing, you survived. The healing process starts then. I know your story sweetie and yes you are most certainly posting in the right forum!! Always here if you need me. Just PM me.

[Cyran0]

I agree with Cajun. If you're still alive, you're a survivor. There's only one way to lose that title.

I'm glad you're here, I'm glad you're surviving.

Be safe.

Cyran0

nooo, i dont think anyone fully knows my story and to be honest sometimes i even question it. like maybe it is just worse in my head and that its really no big deal what all happened right? I mean maybe i am just ove reacting and i need to just get over it.
I really appreciate you guys all being so willing to be here for me though, i find that really kind of you. I am sorry i cant just be so open but i find it really hard because writtting it out just makes it seem more... idk
thanks though..

[altonwoodsdrphil]

There used to be a womans shelter in my hometown that in foot high letters above its door said "WOMENS VICTIM CENTER" I always had a problem with that, as much as I want to support you I feel like I have dis-agree about you being a "survivor" A survivor is someone who is no longer a victim of whatever circumstances they have encountered. It's been processed,understood, and had its teeth pulled much like the difference between a drug addict who has "clean time" as opposed to "recovery time"...one heals, the other supresses only to eventually "burst". you said you feel stuck, I think the reason is that no one see's how traumitized you were by what happened and you feel like you don't have any real basis for your feelings considering the abuse that other people have been thru. but none of that matters, what matters is how YOU feel and whats keeping you from being the best YOU possible...

but sometimes when things get to me really bad i sit there and i think who am i to be so upset about this when there is so many other people who are suffering way worse everyday than i ever will in my life, and that makes me feel pretty selfish.
i just really wish i could get over it

[BalishBun]

you know you post the subject "ignore this", but of course none of us can actually ignore anyone. I wish you luck.

[altonwoodsdrphil]

court-knee, I've seen grown women "loose it" because they're air conditoning went out, the point? IT'S ALL RELATIVE in this case, perception IS reality...what's your "way out" ? I think you need to give yourself the permission to finish being a victim, its a process and you're stuck...you were hurt, your pain has been validated, I encourage you to find forgivness, for your own sake! then you can move on and this will never bother you again.

[selfy]

court hon, im here i know some of it i think. u r not exaggerating hon u didnt deserve it ok?
court. u dont deserve anything tha makes u feel bad aigh?
thats probly why i been getting so frustrated. u need to give yourself some value
*huggles*
dot

[I_WMD]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Court_Knee said:
but sometimes when things get to me really bad i sit there and i think who am i to be so upset about this when there is so many other people who are suffering way worse everyday than i ever will in my life, and that makes me feel pretty selfish.
i just really wish i could get over it

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> .

Court if you still have this land line # >>> Talk to Donna ,,,

While she did her de-tox thing and learning therapy for finding and seeing the root cause ,,,, She said a same thing as you >>> " When others have it much worse " .. Maybe she might have the definition as to,,,, BUT ,,, What about ME .? or at least an area of dif . focus .

I M O ... I believe she learned something and it ATM is working for her .

[ziggy1]

Hey court im here to if you need to vent or rant? It took me almost 45 years to come to terms with what happened to mee. I think the earlier you acknowledge it and accept it, the quicker
you start to heal and you are definetly a survivor for sure.

((((Courtknee))))

Take Care
ziggy1

[50guy]

Wow, that hit me hard and fast! "just get over it" "people who are suffering way worse everyday". Do you know me?
I can't tell you how many times I've said the same words but, you know what......it happened to me. I don't know anyone that was tied up, forced and threatened. Tormented and abused into thinking it was ok. That was me.

Then one day the top blew off so to speak...it took me 30 years past the abuse to let family, other than my wife she knew from early on, know what happened to me.
One day the ax just fell and great was the fall of it.

Now it is a brighter day and the realization is...it wasn't my fault. I put this to rest but, I will not forget it. Now, I strive to help others.

You too will heal.
Stay well and safe.

thanks...