[mtd]

I need to express something, perhaps just admit it out loud.

I have been in recovery for over a decade. I don't have to tell you how hard it has been. The aftermath of abuse has nearly claimed my life more than once. And it doesn't take much to throw me off track, even today. I know what I need to do to stay healthy and safe and within a sound mind. Indeed, it is easier today than it was ten years ago -- even ten months ago.

But I get tired. It's like I'm on a bike and I'm always peddling. Peddling is my recovery program. I'm not allowed to stop, and even if I try to coast, the bike falls down. I hope one day I can just coast. Just sit still. Just be.

Thanks for listening.

mtd

[__zh]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
mtd said:
I need to express something, perhaps just admit it out loud.

But I get tired. It's like I'm on a bike and I'm always peddling. Peddling is my recovery program. I'm not allowed to stop, and even if I try to coast, the bike falls down. I hope one day I can just coast. Just sit still. Just be.

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it IS tiring. you will get to the place where you can coast. you'll find more level paths and downhills to coast as you keep on this journey.

learning to sit still can be one of the more challenging parts of healing from abuse. learning to "be" takes practice. often those of us who were abused when younger never got a chance to just "be" so how would we know how to do something we were never taught nor had modeled for us?

writing these words in kindness and faith for the tremendous amount of work you've already done and continue to do.

(((((MTD)))))

[Kiya]

I hope you can also, MTD. Hugs, Kiya

[Cyran0]

MTD, I can relate.

Cyran0

[queenie123]

Hi mtd

It is very tiring, you sound a strong person as you know what you need to do to stay healthy and safe and I'm full of admiration for you for sticking with the recovery process. I've only recently started in recovery and find it so overwhelming and completely exhausting that i've almost quit a few times. I hope that you can soon 'just coast', it's the least you deserve, take good care of yourself

Queenie

[kimmydawn]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
mtd said:
I need to express something, perhaps just admit it out loud.

I have been in recovery for over a decade. I don't have to tell you how hard it has been. The aftermath of abuse has nearly claimed my life more than once. And it doesn't take much to throw me off track, even today. I know what I need to do to stay healthy and safe and within a sound mind. Indeed, it is easier today than it was ten years ago -- even ten months ago.

But I get tired. It's like I'm on a bike and I'm always peddling. Peddling is my recovery program. I'm not allowed to stop, and even if I try to coast, the bike falls down. I hope one day I can just coast. Just sit still. Just be.

Thanks for listening.

mtd

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Oh how I understand every word of every line of your post.

Please know that you're not peddling alone and others are searching for that same goal of coasting.

We'll find it, if temporarily.

You are in my thoughts.

Best to you,

KD