How to start telling? but with emotion

the thing I struggle with most is telling my story. I am so unable to at this point and I have been in therapy almost 3 years. My T is yet to know mainly everythhing about my family. It is all very scary to me. I am hoping things will in time get better and I will then be able to get things out. But it is just like I seem like I am at a point where I need to tell.

Another thing I struggle with, which is mainly just aimed at my history of sexual abuse, is telling those stories with emotion. I am at the point I can tell the basics of those stories, but I have literally no emotion at all in them. I feel nothing.

Any suggestions?

I think going slowly. I didnt cry for 2.5 years and it still wasnt about the SA, it was about some of the after effects. Start where it feels safe to talk and take small risks. Then I think emotions come more naturally. For me at least.

Jennifer,

I can relate to everything you are experiencing. Having been there, I have some advice. First, listen to your emotions, carefully. If you feel like it is time to speak, it's time to speak. Be safe about it. Start by disclosing to yourself. By this I mean, it's one thing to know something in your mind. It's something else to express it outside yourself, like writing it down or drawing pictures of your memories. Then maybe you can combine that with a disclosure to your T -- give the T what you have written to read first, rather than saying it out loud. Maybe your T could read it out loud to you next. The point is, this is scary truth to face. Small steps make sense. Be gentle with yourself.

As for expressing with emotion, and not feeling like your are telling your story with emotion, please know that this is very common in recovery. Sometimes the information has to come out matter of factly, before the feelings can catch up. It's a matter of emotional safety. Again, be gentle and patient with yourself. It's very important that you are noticing these things, by the way. It shows good self-awareness.

Finally, know that you are going in the right direction, but keep going. Don't let yourself withdraw as you go through this process. You deserve to move forward towards healing.

Hope this helps.

be well,

mtd

Thank you both for your support and opinions I will take them and think about them and try to apply them to my situation. I think I am going to let things just come out and try not to judge myself either way. I am trying, that's what counts. i shouldn't try to make this a process that's going to be solved right away, like I think I am trying to do.

Hi Jennifer,

I think if you feel you are at that point, than you must be feeling safe with your T to tell him. This is a good sign. It isn't ever easy though, but your T will be able to handle anything you tell them.

I have been in therapy for 3 years also, and I am just beginning to be able to feel the emotion with what happened to me. But naturally I try like heck to avoid it though. Part of my abuse was I wasn't able to cry even, so getting past it where you feel safe to tell your T is huge. Don't worry about the emotion at this point, your T will understand, it is very common for abuse survivors to have suppressed the emotion as a way of protection.

You are on the right path, it will be hard, but it will help process the healing you need. Be gentle with yourself, okay.

Thank you so much, your post has helped me and I think I just need to quit judging myself and not be so harsh.

((((((((((( Jennifer1084 ))))))))))))

yes please dont be too harsh on yourself. Sometimes you tell yourself you would keep such thoughts to yourself and never tell another soul, so it is hard to let out something so deep.

My heart goes out to you. I have the same problem. I can talk to my therapist about the abuse I have gone through, and still go through but only as a third person. I never ever let emotions come out. I am afraid to feel them again. It hurt so bad the first time, I dont want to do that again. They say it is vital, so I hope we both find the answer (((hugs)))

Jennifer,
I was unable to disclose my story to my T. 2 months ago, I wrote out what happened and mailed it to her. I still have not been able to discuss what I wrote with her directly. When I do mention bit and pieces of it, it is like I am talking in the third person. I have not been able to express any emotions associated with my experiences, not anger, not tears. At this point, I don't know if I will ever be able to express them. All I can say at this point is that I reached a point where my inner self was exploding and I had to disclose it. I did it in writing and it has helped. Two months have past and I'm still not able to actually talk about it, or my current sex life for that matter.

My feelings did not come until years after my story was told......... I think this is normal for a lot of people that have been abused and pushed their feelings deep down inside so they could cont' to survive in this world