Some very odd behavior on my part

<font color="purple">I don't remember when exactly, but somewhere in between 8-10 one day I thought that flashing was really funny so I kept of flashing my older brother...and the babysitters kid (all three of us were in a room together).

...I kind of wonder if this would make me an abuser of sorts, you know, for continualy exposing myself like that, even when they told me to stop

Now my question is: why.
Was it because I was always so amused to freak people out at that age?
Or was it something more?(in which case, your guess is as good as mine)

PS: I put the trigger icon just to be safe, I'd feel horrible if I accidently triggered someone</font>

dunno... i have had some things like that too.
as to why - could be because you were "acting out"... could be you were being very "sexualized" because ... only you can answer that one. for me it was because i was dealing with what was happening at home. if i acted out against my abuser, i would have been crushed into a pulp... or, depending on his mood and my actions, i might have been ridiculed beyond reason and made to feel great shame at the expense of what i meant to my family... or rather, what they meant to me, seeing as they clearly didn't treat me with respect.
i have things that i look back on and it scares me to think were abusive to others... and may qualify because i was "3 years older", as states the law. and why were those younger kids acting accordingly with me? probably because they were also dealing with the c*** that was going on in their own families. who knows. Did i do it with intent to harm? no. did i even know what i was doing? not really. Did i know it was wrong? yeah - because i knew myself to be bad... which of course, i now have to work on in therapy. *sigh*. it is all so confusing, isn't it?
it even scares me to post this because i might be alienating myself from others that i trust in here.
=(
but i think that it is all part of growing up in a messed up family system in a country that is very puritian based which may lead ppl to act out in ways that they wouldn't if they didn't already feel a sense of shame around themselves.

i wanted to reply to this thread last night... but i wasn't in a good place... kids act out ... that's the way they make sense of things they don't understand... if you look at a child at the age of 8-10 what do you see... the problem is that we don't see ourselves at the age we were... we try and project adult responsibility on the child we were... but are forgetting that we didn't have the same abilities and thought processes that we do now... i am struggling with words sorry... i don't know why you acted out... maybe it was just you trying to understand the differences between your body and your brothers... i don't see what happened as you being an abuser.
lyn

I had similar experiences, acting out with other kids my age. And while I don't consider it abuse, it wasn't healthy for them or me. I view it as collateral damage to the abuse I was put through. Had that abuse not happened, these incidents wouldn't have either. I regret the incidents completely but I don't think I was truly responsible.

Cyran0

I have read that some adults that were sexually abused as a child will act out in this exact way when they become an adult.......... ((( hugs ))).

in the study i read on that, it is like 13%, while the stats for children raised in violence, 97% act out violence on others.

i think as kids, we act out what we are taugh - what other option is there? i have a hard time believing that we are not really responsible as kids for our acts on others. it is one of my greatest heartaches - and yet my co-conspiritors were also acting in inappropriate ways as well, and one can only guess where they learned those things - not from me, that is for sure.

many adults who molest children were abused as children... but, most adults who were molested as children don't... it's a really sad thing.
kiya... children can't be held to the same standards as an adult or even an older teenager... they are finding through the new information on brain development that the brain isn't fully developed until much later then we use to believe... i think it was like 24... children process information differently then we do... lyn

woah.... 24?!?! holy crow.

and here i always thought of myself as an adult all through my little kid years. the ages that concern me most in this topic were 5 (yes, way back then) and 8-11.
my 11 yr old niece came up to visit and i was shocked to see how much of a woman she was... and also how much of a kid was still in there.

yeah... i really struggle with holding myself accountable for things that i was too young to have been able to control... the studies were based on the work of bruce perry you can google him... lyn

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bchlyn said:
many adults who molest children were abused as children... but, most adults who were molested as children don't...

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I remember as a child always hearing "adults that were molested as a child will most likely molest a child" - I was so frightened as a teenager that I grew up in constant FEAR that I was going to turn out to be one of those adults that hurt children, for I too was sexually abuse...... childhood was a very scary and confusion time for me.

that still scares me too - i do not want kids - i do not want to become the monster my parents were. if my not having kids breaks the cycle for this family, then so be it, both on the sexual and physical abuse side of things.

me too... i think it was the way people thought at that time... but the truth is most don't ... the ones that do were "mostly" victims of abuse... and unfortunately we hear about those incidences... i am sorry you were scared...i know my boys grew up with that fear also... they were scared they would turn out like there dad... childhood shouldn't hurt... i dream of the day that children can grow up without pain... lyn

kiya... your not wanting too... is the reason you won't ... you are dealing with your issues... just in your responses here... i see a very nurturing person who would be a wonderful parent...lyn

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Kiya said:
i do not want kids - i do not want to become the monster my parents were.

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I have three kids, all boys, and I work everyday to ensure that they have a nurturing environment, are safe, and feel loved. It's ok that you don't want to have children but I wanted to share that there's more than one way to break the cycle and that watching my children grow in a good environment has been healing for me (an unexpected benefit).

Cyran0

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Kiya said:
i do not want kids - i do not want to become the monster my parents were.
if my not having kids breaks the cycle for this family, then so be it, both on the sexual and physical abuse side of things.

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From my own experience I would say breaking the cycle is more of a "State of Mind" than any thing else...... meaning you can break the cycle of sexual, emotional and physical abuse by choosing to do so as I did when I got married and went on to birth & raise two very caring young men, plus I loved and cared for my handicap daughter with great compassion until the day she passed away at ten years old.... not to mention that I am a very loving person and Aunt that has helped raise most of the niece and nephews in the family for I was the stay at home mom and I am now helping in the care of my great-niece and nephews.

So you see YOU can CHANGE matters by merely putting your MIND to it - the CYCLE can be BROKEN with YOU - children and all if you desire to have them.

You can be anything you put your mind to..... as I am totally opposite of the family I grew up in and from the hell I was forced to live in.

Rap, I know that that is true and it sounds like you have done wonderfully.

I see it kind of like that new movie (pardon my spelling) Ratatouie. "Everyone Can Cook".... and in the end, Ego finds it is not that all people can cook, because that kid sure can't, but that people from all backgrounds can cook and it doesn't take a special breed.

Yes everyone can heal and overcome their barriers. I just do not know if I personally can overcome them in a way so that my own children would be safe with me. I have actually spent my life doing childcare and camps and all sorts of things working with kids in a safe manner and protecting them. But the dichotomy that exsisted in my household, with hell on the inside, and a very drastic view of the Leave it to Beaver on the outside.... i would rather (at least for now) forgo monsterhood and continue to work caring for people in the public life.