[blueswoman1974]

Okay, I will try to calm down enough to get through this posting...
First let me explain a little background info. My mom was very neglectful to me as a child along with being emotionally and physically abusive. Because of her various mental disorders I and my partner have been taking care of her business for over two years. I have been taking care of her most of my life. I finally got tired of handling her affairs when it is quite clear that most of the time the reason she doesn't take care of her business is because she is lazy. She rather have me do it than to go out and do things for herself. She lives less the 15 yards from the grocery store, but won't walk there to buy groceries she expects me and my partner to take her all the time. I wouldn't mind it so much, but she does absolutely nothing for herself. She ALWAYS expects other people to do for her if not there will be consequences.
The most common consequence is her "faking" an illness or pretending to faint. Take her to doctors, there is nothing wrong. Wasted tons of money on test after test to find that she is in great health. It was suggested by her physician that these spells of fainting were more psychological in nature than physical...he actually said in other words she is faking to get attention. This behavior triggers me badly...because for most of my life she had repeatedly told me over and over again that she was going to die and I would be left all alone... As a child, she would go over her will with me over and over again telling me that she could die at any moment...the litany would go on day after day...then she would have a fainting spell whenever something went wrong in the house...she would always have the ambulance called...to find there was nothing wrong with her. This went on day after day month after month...it got to a point she would do anything to get attention...Anything to keep from doing things herself...because whenever she had a fainting spell my grandparents would run to help her with EVERYTHING. She had to do nothing, but sit back, relax and watch my grandmother clean house and care for me...eventhough everyone knew there was nothing wrong with her...This left me feeling resentful and fearful at the same time that she would just drop dead at any minute...she always would tell me after an episode that she knew that she was just a goner and she was glad I called the ambulance...when I got older and my grandparents died it got worse...she began to do things to cause other people to step in and take care of me while she sat back and did nothing...
Well last month I got some courage and told mom that after caring for her affairs for two years that me and my partner could no longer help her. I told her since she lived so close to the market that she could go shopping, pick up meds, and handle her bills on her own. She agreed to do it simply enough. I thought that maybe this time there would be no more "spells". I thought I could finally be free to live my own life. I thought she was taking everything in stride. In fact, I was proud of her. But today, today I found out that she has been taking way too much medication for pain. Instead of taking her meds prescribed she decided to take matters in her own hands and take six pills a day for five days, when the bottle clearly states she is only supposed to have five pills for three days then taper off to one pill every three days. So, she has been taking more meds than she is supposed to...she claims that she did not understand the instructions...I asked her why didn't she call someone about it she said she didn't know and that she made a boo boo... A boo boo!!! A BOO BOO!!! I don't know, but I think it is just another attempt to get attention. Just another attempt to get me back into that caretaker role...I think it was a planned and calculated "mistake" because she tried to brush it off as it was no big deal...and wanted to know if I needed to call the ambulance...I called the pharmacy...they said that she would be okay as long as she stopped taking six a day and go down to one pill a day...but this leaves me P'd off. She knows how to call people if she doesn't understand something but she chose not to hoping that I would jump right in a "save" her...I fell so angry I could scream...it is all so triggering...I worry about her, but I am so mad....why must she play games??? I feel alone in all of this. I feel that no one would understand the fear she triggers whenever she pulls a stunt like this...I can't stop shaking I am so angry...How dare she pull this stunt when I just began to experience life on my own without having to deal with her affairs??!?? Am I forever responsible for a woman who allowed me to be abused and abused me herself??? Will the games ever stop, because I getting really tired of it all. How do I deal with the fear, hurt and pain that goes along with this situation? Guys I really need help here because I feel lost, hurt, angry, and confused . Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

[Perna]

How old is your mother? If she's old enough, I would find an assisted living center arrangement and hire people to "help" her if she needs it, and take care of her business (bank or lawyer, etc.) trying to get more people involved so you could be less involved and less worried (if that's possible). There are agencies now that set things up and check on aged parents for people who live somewhere else or for whatever reason don't have the time/energy/whatever to be there as much as possible for their parents; look in your yellow pages and see if you can find such an social work agency. I think if you can get some independent people in there without your history they could both see through your mother and confirm your feelings and concerns and give you peace of mind and a break from her.