I am so angry I could chew nails!

I have about had it. This 17 year old daughter who has been with us since 3 is driving me to malice. My spouse has been ill today and was sleeping and she had plans to sneak to meet up with the abusive boyfriend who has been banned. I became aware of the plot and told her if she had a friend I know go with her so I was sure she wouldn't hook up with the kid she could go. Well, she proceeded to tantrum wildly and was quite out of control. No place for out of control 17 year olds with tantrums. She is more like 13. So, I spoke with child protective services to see if they could help in a crisis with placement. My friends who are dealing with the soon to be loss of another friend tried dealing with her. She told me she was going to drive away and I told her if she did the cars belonged to us and I would report them stolen and her a run away. I told her I would call 911. Well, she called 911!!!

I happened to pick up the phone and figured out what it was so they backed me up that she needed to be under our control etc. Also if she chose to be violent that she would get arrested. Meanwhile my youngest calls for a ride home. I go to get her and when I get back I find that hubby has allowed the angry one to spend the night at a friend's. I asked him to make sure he told the adults, no phone. He didn 't so out I go in my nightgown and she is yelling at me and I told her I did not trust her because she had already lied to me today about hooking up with the boy. She got in my face and off she goes to a merry night with a friend who will feel sorry for her. I am so angry. When I came in I yelled at my spouse and told him how can he say he trusts her when I caught her in a lie earlier and why was I the one to have to deal with speaking with the adults?

I am so angry. Tempted to tell the kid to fly a kite. Then I remember Sept and Sweet saying she is an unattached child in need of proof that we are going to hold on and that she belongs here. How much more can I do to tell her she belongs here? I have had it!!!!! I am ready to put her into foster care and petition the court that with her IQ 2 points over the legal definition for retardation that she needs a guardian with the state and needs to receive services for people who are developmentally delayed. She has learned nothing being with us and I am not going to keep doing this. She can't see how abusive this kid =is nad how she is going back to where she came from. Ugghhhh, big giant vent!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so sorry to hear what you are going through...sounds like you have tried your best....i think its time for some intervention for all your sakes.....good luck..keep us informed and please.....take care

I agree - sounds like she is completely out of control and you and your spouse etc need some peace. Perhaps she WANTS to know that she is loved and wanted, but in all the time she has been with you , and if she has the developmental delays, you could keep trying forever and she still may not "get it". I can definitely "hear" that you are at your wits end, and I can understand you feeling that way. You have done for her all her life, you don't deserve to be treated like you are , and she needs a serious wake up call . Good luck, I think we ALL know how hard you have tried.

(((((((((((((((((WiseWomen))))))))))))))))))

I am so sorry you are going through this. I know this is causing you so much stress. I dont have much more to add other then I am thinking of you and sending you gentle, peaceful hugs.

Much love and peace,

Jen

hubby tells me his being ill is mostly about her. He is also ready to see her off. It just hurts.

wise .. woow .. man i hope this helps.

My mom and dad got divorced and things when i was 5 my dad did ALOT of bad things to me, as well as her. So anytype of parental control to me was going to take a hike. I felt if i had to feed and take care of myself when i was 8 why should i have to listen to my mom when i was 16+.

Now anways the point im trying to make is while her and my situation are different we were the same kid. We did what we wanted and no one could stop us and when they tried we didnt care. My mom was forced to put me in rehab home (not for drugs and things, although i did smoke and stuff),

The rehab home is like a jail where i learned to respect and manners and lots of other stuff. I cried everyday all day long I wanted out. I said they were mean to me i did all i could to "trick" people into getting me out, i played sick you name it.

I didnt care who i hurt it was all ABOUT ME. Sadly as time came about i got with the program and overtime i had wakeup calls and things. While i still hated it and even when i got out i tried to hold it against my mom.

I learned something ... LIFE. It helped me as i got older like with work, BEING A PARENT MYSELF, and many other things. I know it hurts when they are like this but you have to be stronger then her and you have to let her know whos in charge.

Think of how the real world is its hard enough as it is, imagine a 17yr old going about it alone like she is .. while she isnt going to understand you do .. i know its horried. I now am glad i got my "butt beat" and learned to respect and what not and today i even tell my mom it was the best thing that happened to me. It took alot of time but just cause she hates you now and will even more so for being a parent she will see different in time. Rememeber your the smart one here and whatever it takes to control her needs to be done .. i know it hurts you and she will cry and do all she can to get out .. but remember its for her best .. if it hadnt been for mine i prob wouldnt be here today.

Good luck ..

from a monster child to a Adult.

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I have no answers, but I do have hugs. I hope they help.

I wish you peace.

Hugs,

Jan

Thanks for the peace. I am not feeling it right this minute but maybe in time. We are looking for a group home or a foster home with very rigid regimine to put her in for a while. The problem is she is almost 18 and the state does not want to do anything to help. No bucks no facilities. if she harms us or herself I can have her hospitalized. I am so angry. I don't know how much to get into here but I called her T and a woman from an adoption agency that is state funded. Left message for the adoption agency person and spoke with the T. We all seem to be in agreement that she is wanting us to throw her out so she can prove she doesn't belong. It's getting close. I am even considering asking a brother with whom I am mostly estranged to take her for the summer. He is strict and would make her work and not call the boy in question. I just don't know. My anger is making me blind. I want to shake her.

She got into this thing about how her car is hers and she could take it etc. Well, I explained that it was titled and registered in hubby's name and insured by us. She was so out of control and could not be reasoned with. So, today we took the plates, registration and insurance card and will cancel that car on our insurance. She will have to pay to get a new title, registration and insurance. A little reality check huh? Except for the fact that hubby said he would bring her to work today and pick her up which defeats the purpose. I have at least $500 still in that car for repairs etc. I don't care, I want her to see what real life is if she is so ready to go out on her own.

I am hurt. I spent the last 14 years of my life raising this little brat. I want peace. My kids have so many issues. It's overwhelming. Anyway, thanks for the warm wishes Jan, amdx jmo and parker. Hey, you guys want a teen for the summer? Know where you can get one real cheap!

I really feel for you. Your daughter sounds so much like the girls that I work with. What you did with the car sounds very reasonable, and sending her to your brother doesn't sound like a bad plan either, especially if hubby is not backing you up. I wish you much peace and hope that your daughter will be able to see that you are fighting with her, not against her, out of concern for her wellbeing. That's such a hard thing for teenagers to get! Surely, parents must be out to "ruin my life" from their perspective. You do the best that you can, and in these last few months before she takes full responsibility for her life, keep trying to show her a path that will lead to happiness. I hope she can see it.

Thanks Rap, I am applying to be her guardian as she is developmentally delayed. i am tired. I was so totally difficult to get near to and love and my Jane did it. I will ask for her guidance now. If any of you believe in this type of thing, Please think of my Jane in Maine from the coast of new Jersey learning to live and swim in the ocean and then moving inland to my river. Ask her to give us guidance, show us the way. Thanks all.

{{{{{{{{{{{{WW}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} You know? I take back what I said. When I posted to you about her before, I didn't realize her IQ is so low. If she's beginning to come between you and your husband, it's time for some kind of intervetion. I'm thinking she needs to be in a group home where she can be watched 24/7 and the results of her behavior carry big time consequences.

You've done all you can do for this girl. For your own sanity and well being, it's time for a change.

Please take care of you and yours.

((((((((ww))))))))) I will pray for you and your family, and of course, to Jane. You are going through so much. With all this going on, how's your son doing? Hugs to you and yours.

Even if her IQ is low .. she needs to learn how to act and be. You are strong and you do deserve a vacation if she was anything like i said i was.

Just remember you will get respect and having to put her elsewhere i know is hard and like i said she will wine and cry and do all she can to get back .. but you cant give in and neither should hubby. I know her IQ is low but still she needs to learn. You are a excellent mom to help and go through what you have good luck on things and keep us informed.

Seems there is no help for 17 year olds. Too old for child protective services. Still working on it.

I wonder how hard it is to get her into something like Brat Camp...? Maybe it's not possible, but it'd probably be helpful if it was...

I hope you find a solution soon.

Have I told you guys how awesome you all are? Thank you so much for being here. I was doing a search to find what Sept and Sweet had written me in the beginning with this Pain in the tush. I found such a bunch of loving posts it made me realize this may not be real life but it is a cool place to be. I get the feeling I could get a hot meal, a ginger cookie and a tuckie from most of you if we were near. That's priceless. You give understanding.
I am not sure about the kid. Hubby and I slept on it today. i was so desperate I called an estranged brother who said no right away. Dam I hate asking for anything from them. All of the treatment places are very expensive. I would love to send her to Brat camp as she is just that, indeed a brat. I don't know which ay is up but I think I wish I could p.m. each of you and tell you how cared for I feel reading back over these posts. You have been good friends. My life seems to like more then it's share of crises. It is getting way old. Thanks for hangin in with me.