A bit disoriented

Hi Folks,
I'm new here...wrote a post in the intro.

Currently I'm looking for a new place to live and a job. Have to get a job first so I can apply for a new residence. To say the least, it's stressful as I have little income, no unemployment, no disability and used up my savings. I sometimes work temp jobs but the market's tight and employers are cutting back.

I'm a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, incest and rape. I've done a lot of healing, gotten over a number of phobias and panic attacks. But my current situation seems to be giving me dreams from my childhood. I guess all that abandonment stuff is coming up because I'm feeling trapped again, and it really messes up my day. A dream I had this morning has stayed with me all day and night. It wasn't exactly a nightmare, just like laying the groundwork of more to come. Could use a therapist but don't have the funds or insurance.

Glad I found this place.

Thanks for listening.

River2008

((( HUGS ))) - Please take care of your self...... and Welcome.

Thanks for the welcome Rhapsody. I think I'm taking care of myself given my current situation. I've shifted over to being angry and p*ssed, and still working on not beating myself in over and over again about how I should've handled things differently.

River

Safe hugs.

Welcome to PC, I hope you can find some peace.

Thanks for the welcome Griffe and the safe hugs. Slept a lot today and sort of wandering through my life, past and present and planning actions to take this coming week for getting a job or income.

River

A warm welcome and a hug from another new member. Good luck with the job hunting. Really shocked to hear of your earlier experiences, truly awful. I was sexually assaulted at work 4 years ago and consequently suffered the most appaling mental breakdown: see my blog: http://john4.psychcentral.net
A least you can go out: I say that because I'm petrified of doing so, and am locked in my home day and night, but have - fortunately - very kind consultant psychiatrist.
Hope you stay on here.

Hi John,

Sorry for the much delayed response. I remember my friend referring me to this site when my life was just recently untangling and falling apart.

I'm sorry about what happened to you at work and the fallout of it all. Haven't been to your site yet, as I'm trying to maintain some stability.

I've moved from the west coast to the mid-west, Illinois. Have been staying with a cousin for one week now-- took 3 days by train. Just as well as I seem stunned and a bit disassociative. Didn't have to talk if I didn't want too and yet time to think, space out whatever without demands. I was evicted Sheriff's papers to evict me he didn't give me any filed papers for a summons and/or complaint. Legal aid suggested that since I was moving and packing anyway and that I only had two hours to fill and file a "Stay" on the orders, that I might want to file later on the landlord not following due process. It was all so messy.

I never thought I would be homeless, especially at this point in my life. If I think too much about it, I get sick in the stomach. Ahhhhhh!

This morning I'm off to a job fair. Don't know how that'll work, but gotta do something every week day or I won't be able to get my own place (hopefully a studio) and begain anew another part of my life. My cousin's great, but don't think her husband's too happy about me being here. I don't now him that well and I think (I'm projecting but still...) he thinks I'm just a f**k-up and just crashing at their place.

So first things first: A job. A studio. Simultaneously work on getting my driver's license unsuspended (ticket I didn't pay for speeding about a year ago...I hate courts and hate authority and stab myself in the foot sometimes. This was a big one.)

I'm glad you've got a consultant psychiatrist as I could surely use one. An old issue is coming up...one that stops me from traveling freely and I don't know how I'm going to overcome the fear. It used to be a phobia, but I got help and it was manageable. Now it's popping up in a different way, but it is causing me slight problems.

Oh well, enough for today. Time to find something jobish to wear for the job fair.

Thanks for posting to me.